abc,

It was your post that really stuck out at me. I don't know what to say, I know I felt the exact same way as you do. And I know (even under the cicumstances as they are for me now) I would give ANYTHING if my H would want to work on this M. But he choses not to. I find myself torn between all the lies he's told, and then thinking about the good times that we did have and how he fooled me into thinking that he DID want to work on our M. How can one person go from loving to pure hatred in so much as a month or 2?

He told me back in Feb. that he has been planning on our Div for 2 months. Why is it that I have all the financial docs, the important papers and such? If he HAD been planning it as he says, he isn't doing a very thorough job. And why is he still here?

I sit here and see our wedding pic on the wall next to my desk and then read all these posts. So many people hurting so much! And the pain is sooo real.

I know that I can't save this M all by myself. If he's unwilling then there's no reason for me to keep hoping. And would I want more lies? He would never follow the MB terms or even a MC.

I do know your pain and how you feel. But you have to know that you have a H who is maybe, hopefully, willing to work things out. But everyone is right here, it takes 2 to make a M work. And it is work. I'm not being given that chance, but you might be. Try to stay strong and you are allowed to cry. If I had the chance, I would take my H back and not ask any questions, just make an attempt to march forward and start a new life. But it would have to be based on MB principles or something like it. Based on honesty and woking together. I wish I would be given that chance.

He has been back twice this morning. I don't know how to even start trying to work things out. How do you do that? Cry together? Scream? I just don't know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by abc_1232003:
<strong>He has been back twice this morning. I don't know how to even start trying to work things out. How do you do that? Cry together? Scream? I just don't know.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just leave WH alone for now. I recon that you are new at MB. Please learn about MB as much as you can and read the link of General Welcome & Wat's quick guide for BS. Focus on learning and let it be doormat for now.

For starter, list his complaint about you in M before d-day & after d-day. Those are the plan A material for you to do.

Come back for more question and update. You should start a new thread for you, this way you will have more MBer to response to you.

-rh-

OMG!! I just decided to do a little more snooping. Went down in the basement bathroom where H has been taking his showers, and I found a perscription for a topical solution. Low and behold, it's for genital warts!! Was dated the 20th of last month. When the h&!! was he gonna inform me that I might have them too??

I knew it though. I just keep giving him the benefit of the doubt. I also think he's gotten a PO box too. Hasn't been getting any mail for 2 weeks. I also found a bunch of plastic tote boxes (brand new) I looked in the top one which had a lid on it and found stuff like shampoo, razors, towels and stuff that he bought and put in there. Must be getting ready to book. Ii wish I had the money to file today!! I want that son of a blank out of my life forever!! I'm so p.o'd right now I'm shaking!! My D went to camp for 2 days, so I'll be alone here with him. He still keeps taking off and not coming home. Yesterday, he took off around 4pm and never came home. This is really ticking me off!! What am I gonna do?

Never use your snooping info against him, that is good that you didn't say anything to him yet. I suggest you watch out for Herpes Simplex Virus. Go and get check for STD.

Again I really suggest you to review your plan A and start weighing the posibilities for plan B or tough love. He might have turn into cake monster. Take a deep breath and start thinking about it but don't act upon it.

Never stop to surprise me how A could fogged one's mind and soul.

-rh-

Little update here. Went to Doc and got checked out for everything. I don't have what he has (thank God!) Should get results of some tests today.

Nothing has changed as far as talking. Still not a word. D and I went to parents for Easter. Going to go there every weekend from now on. Found a list that he made while we were gone. It said, "joint" on the top and listed things that we bought since M. Thing is, some of that stuff on the list is stuff that I've had for 10-20 years! The nerve of him! I just want to pack up all the stuff I've had before our marriage and leave. Heck with the rest. But I need to talk to Atty. again soon. Hopefully today. Don't get a chance lately, H has been coming home early from work. Doesn't stay late like he usually does.

So, I'm outta here this weekend! Can't wait to see my REAL family again!

Hanging on for dear life,

Not to alarm you, OMexW told me that OM has HSV and I suspect my wife has it too ... last Feb I had the first outbreak <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . HSV can't be detected by any test until the outbreak. You have to make sure his warts is not HSV.

[qoute]<strong>Found a list that he made while we were gone. It said, "joint" on the top and listed things that we bought since M. Thing is, some of that stuff on the list is stuff that I've had for 10-20 years! The nerve of him! I just want to pack up all the stuff I've had before our marriage and leave. Heck with the rest.</strong>[/quote]
2x4 ... here again you are reacting. You need to copy the lists. Have you ever think that he leave it for you to see ?. If he is a conflict avoidance he might do that to get rid of you. Be ready to collect prove what it yours rather than reacting to him. Do you think he does this for defensive move from his prior baggages with his X ?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>But I need to talk to Atty. again soon. Hopefully today. Don't get a chance lately, H has been coming home early from work. Doesn't stay late like he usually does. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Leave him alone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>So, I'm outta here this weekend! Can't wait to see my REAL family again!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make sure you won't have any regret 10 years from now.

Hanging in there and vent in here -rh-

I did get one result yesterday. Came back neg. The rest of the results will be ready Wed. I also found out I have a lump in my breast, so that's all I need right now! Have to get mammogram Wed. As if I don't have enough to worry about.

I know about the HPV. I was looking it up on internet. They say if your partner has it, you have a 99% chance of having it too. So if I do get it, I'll know where it started. Creep. He had them throughout our whole 2 years of M. I asked him repeatedly what they were and he said, "I don't know". When he was being treated for them the whole time. I realize it's a touchy subject, but he could have at least told me when I asked about them.

H is very big conflict avoider. I had to look for the list. The next day, he took all papers out of his desk. Don't know if he knows I saw it. I left list for him to find also. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> All stuff I had prior to M. (actually, I forgot I left it in a pile of magazines, but don't care if he sees it or not.

MC told me to do a few nice things for him to see if I get a reaction out of him. The other day, I made coffee for him and he said thanks. I asked him how he was doing, he said fine, how are you? I said fine too. That was it. So, I'm not getting much of a reaction from him. He came home from work late again yesterday, so I think A is still ongoing. He still takes off when he wakes up and leaves for the night.

Believe me, I have no regrets now. Only regret I have is marrying him in the first place and putting my D through heck for it.

Well, I finally filed Friday. H should be getting served by Mon or Tues of next week. H hasn't said one word since the day I made coffee for him 2 weeks ago. This silet treatment has gone on since March 25th.

It is affecting my D's grades. She has gone from straight a's and b's to bringing home f's. I will not let this go on any longer. We have to get out now. There are only 3 weeks left of school, I was gonna wait til then, but D wants to go now. Started packing things up yesterday.
I made a video tape of the house b4 I started though. Want to make sure that things were explained and narrarated who's stuff was who's. Very childish I know, but under the circumstances, felt I needed to do that.

This behavior of his is having D and I both on edge. Don't know how he's going to react to getting the papers. It's what he wanted, but because of how he's behaving, I don't know how he's going to take it. Has me scared. Saw MC today and he said (if I want to), I should write H a letter and tell him what to expect in the next few days and that I'm planning on moving out. I think I should do that, but not be here when he reads it. Since he's not speaking to me, that would probably be best. I just don't know.

I also found out from 2 people at work that H was seen in OW's truck during the winter in the work parking lot after I left! That just did it for me. The whole time, H was telling me he had to stay after work for meetings. I never saw a change in his paycheck and questioned him on it. Well, now I see why. He had mettings alright, just not the ones you get paid for.

Got all my test results back and they are all negative. Thank God! At least I won't have any "momentos" to take with me.

So I guess I better get packing some more. Just wanted to update things. And vent a little.

I'm sorry that things have taken this turn for you! But you seem to be in control and thats a good thing! Chin up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep us posted!

Well, I'm out of the house now. Had my parents stay overnight with me Thurs. And Fri. we had a few people over and got a U-haul and got everything out. I have a few things left to get out and will be going back today to get the rest. (Not looking forward to that, want to get it all out so I don't ever have to go back!)

The house is very empty now. Just left him with the stuff he came with. I did leave the microwave, dining room set, all lawn equipt., dishes we got on our honeymoon, but took everything else. Pictures and everything. Didn't want to take it, but people that were helping said take it! I'll negotiate if that's what he wants, but not talking since March 25th, he didn't leave me much choice.

Took H's computer. I gave it to him for an anniversary present last year, but put it on my credit card and am still paying for it ($100 a month) and if he wants it, he'll have to buy it off of me. Was told there's some very disturbing things on that computer. Was told there's some pics of some young girls that live in our area on there. These girls were at our house swimming at x-mas time. H made comments about them to my BIL about how he'd like to F them and that their just sweet young p***y. How he'd like to "break that one in half"! What a sicko! I literally got sick when told that! Had to run in the bathroom.

Now, I have a 12 YO Daughter and this is what my H says about girls her age?? Everyday, I'm finding more and more out about my H that I am totally SICK over. If he EVER did anything to my D, there's no telling what I would have done! I did ask D (after finding this stuff out) if H ever said or did anything to her and she said no. I believe her. But I'm just shocked at all this finding. I don't even want to hook that computer up and find what's on there. Was told there's at least 200 pics on there of these young girls. What am I gonna do? H is gonna crap when he see's that I took it. And everything else in the house. I don't want to go back today and get the rest of my and D's stuff, but we have to. What if he gets violent? H didn't even show his face the last 2 days. Don't know if he found out I was moving but I'm sure he had to have went home and saw for himself last night. I stayed up from working Thurs. night and we didn't get done moving what we had til almost 8pm last night. I'm shaking so bad typing this now. I'm just totally upset and disgusted over this latest findings. Any advice out there???