So sorry, this has happened and you need a site like this, but know you've discovered a good one!
READ!!!! Lots of valuable information and insight as to what goes on in the head of the WS and the BS.
Since you only recently discovered these emails, it's put you right back to day one! What you are feeling is completely NORMAL.
The excuses the WS needs to justify their affair usually do take on the "bashing of spouse". However, that is just what it is justification...while you may or may not see some truth in it because at the time you were in a depressed state, he blew those little things which needed improvements into hugh issues so that he would not have to look at his own short-comings.
The WS tells the OP whatever is needed and wanted by the OP to keep them invested into the affair. If it's bashing their spouse, if it's how terribly unhappy they are in their marriage...whatever. This doesn't mean it's true, it means they are saying and doing whatever it takes to "live the lie".
You do NOT have to make any decisions about staying or going until you decide the time is right for you!!!!! This is on YOUR time schedule! You'll know when the time is right to make it.
Some marriages are not worth saving, some are. It's up to you to decide when you're ready, which camp your marriage falls into.
It sounds as if H is remorseful, if not being completely honest! That's a first step. Please seek out some good pro-marriage MC and get some guidance.
Good Luck!
