I am 33, been married 10 years, dated since 18, have two children 2 and 8 months, Dday 2-6-03

I am trying to understand how my H could be with another women. It is making me phycially ill. I am having problems understanding the following

1. He started the affair?
2. Did not have safe sex?
3. Wanted to break off the affair because he no
longer liked her, not for me?
4. Told her he loved her and they talked of a
future?
5. How stupid was I that I did not see this?
6. Who really is this man that I married?
7. How will I ever stop hating him?
8. How could he be doing this and have </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">baby
number two with me?
9. How can I ever believe that he loved me?
10. If I did not matter to him before why is
he do everything to keep me now?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Well Hello!
Welcome to MB!

U knon u are not alone... I myself have those questions over the several past days...

No matter what u ask I think u might never get the WHOLE thruth...
What I get to do and to think is that in affairs reason got nothing to do with feelings. I mean you are never going to answer that while you got those feeling I know you are having now...

You have to let time pass, seek counseling, maybe take some antidep (they sure have helped me cope with this) and start a plan A on yourself...

What worries me most is your hate for your husband right now, froms that you can not evolve either a better person or to got in the future a better relationship.

Let time pass it heals and it will give you some perspective...

Maybe I'm not the perfect to give u advise but I'm sure know what are u feeling and asking...

Take good care

Good questions. We all had a similar list. If you are like me, you will need to get them answered (at least most of them). But not right away, for two reasons: One, you are not ready to answer them for yourself, and two, he doesn't not really know the answers to "his" questions, either - yet. Getting the answers will take time and effort on both your parts.

To get started on this journey, you will find the link in my signature line a great help.