Update. Friday was our first MC. Although WH didn't seem very interested while we were in the office, when we left he agreed that she was very good and he seemed hopeful. Friday night, we chatted about work and stuff, stayed away from anything on the personal level.

Saturday, I had to work. He stayed home and cleaned the garage, did some grocery shopping. He started to get the flu in the afternoon, so by the time I came home from work he was in no shape to talk or anything. Saturday night was pretty much a bust.

Sunday, I decided do or die. Since I haven't eaten in 10 days (I finally ate on Sunday) I've lost almost 20 pounds. I thought I'd show that to him, just a little temptation. He was still not feeling well, so I offered that the jacuzzi might make him feel a little better. I put on my tightest swimsuit, he said "wow, you really have lost weight. You look great" He looked at me seriously and asked what was going to happen to "us". I told him that we were going to get over it, get past all of this and have a better marriage for it. He already knew from counseling that my intention was to work hard on my marriage by taking care of my looks, fixing our sexual problems, paying more attention to him and praising him more. I reaffirmed that to him and asked him if he was willing to try. He agreed that he was.

He explained that he was still very confused about his feelings for OW. I told him that those feelings may never go away, especially since he has to have C with her daily because of his job. I asked him if he had considered quitting his job, and he said he was thinking about it. I didn't push him, it has to be his decision. When bedtime came, I put on one of my sexiest nightgowns (just a little more temptation). He still wasn't feeling well, so went to bed early, bt I know I gave him something to think about.

This morning, he got up and for the first time in many years, I got up with him (he is still sleeping in the other bedroom). He had his wedding ring on. I am so elated. We talked about nonsense, I told him that I would try to come by the office for lunch today. He looked great, he's lost about 40 pounds in the last 4 months. I told him how great he looked. No hugs, no kisses, no holding hands....but I still feel like we are making progress.

I am so happy for you Kim. I realize that this may take some time to fully recover, but you are obviously well on your way to that recovery indeed. I wish you the best of luck. I will also include you and your husband in my prayers just to add a little hope for you. Be sure to keep us informed!! May God bless you.

Thanks Daniel. I realize that we still have a ways to go, "Small incremental improvements each day" is my motto. I shall keep you in my prayers as well. I'm not leaving the board, I'm sure that there will be ups and downs, and I'll need the support.

Kim, I'm SO happy for you!

Our marriage is MUCH better since H's EA. We both look at the EA as our "wake up call."

It really can turn around, and it really can be so much better than you ever dreamed!

Good luck!

When H came home last night, we made small talk, eventually he started working on some left-over work that he needed to get done. Right before bedtime, he started getting really agitated, talkiing about work, which led to talk about OW (not in a relationship sense, but just about work). Finally he asked how I was going to react to OW when I saw her next, because obviously I will see her at some time. I told him that I would treat her with the same courtesy in public that I treat anyone else. I explained that I don't hate HER, I just hate what has happened.

He's taking a business trip with her and 6 others at the end of the month. I told him that I would rather he didn't go, but I understood that if the committee insisted, he would have to. H said I was right, he had to go. OW's H is insisting that she not go also. Then he told me that he couldn't guarantee that nothing would happen.

As he left to go to bed, he said he was sorry, but he wasn't going to lie to me anymore. I told him that I understood. He said that I am making gigantic efforts to try to save our marriage, but he doesn't know if it is enough. He said that he just doesn't seem to care about anything anymore. I told him that I was confused, he said "join the club" and went to bed.

Needless to say, it wasn't a great night. He did wear his wedding ring this morning though. He also only slept until 2:00AM and then got up and went to work.

Will it be a roller coaster like this every day?

Kim,
It sounds like it is getting better between you two. If I were you I would go on this business trip with him. Can a relative watch the kids so you can go?

My kids are all grown, so no babysitter needed. I've been thinking about it. I can't go for the whole trip, but I could join him for a few days. It's a real dilema. If I join him, I'm afraid he'll think I'm pushing or spying.....not a good tactic with this man. If I don't go, I'm giving him the opportunity to do something he will probably regret. It really has to be his decision not to go to OW, I'm still hopeful that he will ask me to go with him.

He came home last night and slept well for the first time in a while. Of course, we didn't discuss R last night either. He was late coming home as he had a social engagement (frequent and part of his job). I used to go to all of those with him, he didn't invite me to this one. I asked him if he was ever going to invite to these things again, he said of course. I just kind of raised my eyebrows. He said OW was at this one and he didn't think it would have been a good idea to put the two of us in the same room yet. I didn't say anything. Just let it ride.

Feel like I'm in a three ring circus.

Update - second day in a row that he had an evening thing to go to. Again didn't invite me along. I'm sure that OW was there again as well. He seems to be in a much better mood, which means that he is probably meeting with her again on a personal level, not just business.

I'll just keep going on my plan A. At least the wedding ring is still on. He meets individually with MC tomorrow, maybe she can knock some sense into him and help lift the fog. I don't know what else to do.

Step, step, breathe.....step, step, breathe

No wedding ring today, but he didn't wear other ring either. Really quiet this morning, didn't have much to say. Goes to see MC this afternoon, that may be weighing on his mind.

Plan A over and over. He did ask me what suit he should wear on TV tonight, hasn't asked me that for a long time. I'm also taking off early to go with him to the studio. The 1 1/2 hour drive should do us some good. Perhaps we'll really talk, or maybe not.

Step, Step, Breathe....Step, Step, Breathe