Hi Ammon
I am having the worst day ever. I know that you know my whole story. So we left it at the psychotic OW was coming to Canada for a visit. So over the last few days emails have come from her asking him what he thought of her trip and whether or not she should come. He avoided her like crazy. Finally this morning came another email. She says I understand that you wont be able to spend the nights with me. I know you are very busy but as long as I can see you that is enough for me. See you in 6 days. Well I freaked out. I called hubby right away and I said I heard a rumor about her coming. He denied it of course. If I tell him about the emails that will be it for sure. God he is trying to blame everything on me. I know this is not true as I know everything. Should I just leave?

Update
We had another blow out. Still all my fault still he is denying it. The email came this morning attached was his email to her. He says "My wife knows everything about you coming. Now I think it is better you dont come. Things are getting crazy again and you know what I deserve it. I really dont want to make you life miserable I am sorry"
She responds
" I guess I will cancel, no I will cancel" She goes on to tell him that it is not possible for me to have heard this through gossip as she has not told anyone. She says I bet she is checking your email. From ther she flips back and forth to "I dont want to ruin your life" I love you so much and I want to have a future with you" Maybe I should give up.You have everything there and if I come into your life you are going to lose everything! No **** anyways I am deeply depressed. I cant believe he actually thought she could come here and he would not get caught. I cant believe he thought he could be with her and come home and act like everything is fine. I cant believe he was going to desieve me so badly again. How can he be so evil? Will he ever change? Do I want this kind of life? Ammon if you are out there please help

Hurt --

I am here and I want to give you my thoughts on all of this. Give me about an hour or so and I will be back online again.

Sorry you're upset right now, but everything seems to be coming to a head, which isn't a bad thing at all. Resolution has always been what I've wanted to see for you and nothing could even begin to be resolved until the OW was revealed and faced head-on by the two of you, a united front.

Hang in there for a little while longer,

Ammon

Hurt --

But, you see, he DIDN'T actually think he could get away with it; he knew it wouldn't work. He's finally realized what he's really known inside himself all along; that if he didn't pull the plug firmly and definitively, OW could very well be back in your neighborhood in a matter of days. He just didn't know how to get out of it without ruining his chances with either one or both of you. While he's been somewhat less than unequivocal in this latest email, at least she's gotten the message.

I've always felt that H was being much too gentle with her, much too conscious of his "cake-eater" status, much too concerned with preserving his relationship with her over and above his marriage with you. Read why and HOW he tells her not to come: "My wife knows everything about you coming. Now I think it is better you don't come. Things are getting crazy again and you know what, I deserve it. I really don't want to make your life miserable. I am sorry." Full of misplaced contrition and equivocation. He's sorry about the wrong things.

It doesn't look like this thing is going to happen; I think she's understands the situation, so the problems of deceiving you or spending daytime with her and nighttime with you are non-issues, or so it would appear. The bigger concern is what is he going to do about you and your marriage.

OW has "spilled the beans" with the email game. She's right: gossip wouldn't have alerted you since it was nonexistent and she knew it. Fortunately, you've known all along what the two of them were thinking and planning, but only because you had that secret access. Maybe it's time that this all comes out, since you don't want to continue snooping for much longer, if at all. As you've found, it's not the most pleasant way to live, especially with one's marriage partner.

"Will he ever change?" -- Maybe now's a good time to find out. Maybe you should place it all out there on the table and see what he does with it.

"Do I want this kind of life?" -- Of course not. He can change but only if he wants to. He could do the right thing here and fully recommit himself to you and to your relationship. He's got to be "tired of running" too.

Bottom line: he doesn't want her here and he's told her and she's heard him. I think you're at least 20 paces ahead of where you were before. The rest of the distance is really up to him. Please let us know what you've decided and how this is going. We're with you...

Ammon

Well an update.
Yesturday I had no contact with hubby during the day. When he came home after work he was in a foul mood. I steered clear and went to bed. He came to bed around midnight and not a word. I kissed him goodbye this morning and left as usual. I will see him tonight at the studio. I am not sure if he will talk to me. OW wrote an email today. He has not checked it yet. She apologizes for causing him so much confusion. BOOH HOO. She says she never meant to put him in the situation and never meant to stab me in the back as I was so kind to her (whatever!) She goes on to say that they were made for eachother but that this relationship is not going to happen. She says she never meant to break up his life in Canada, his home or his marriage. She was unable to control falling in love with him. She doesnt want to put him through hell so she says she is ending the love triangle. She goes on to say she bought and then cancelled a ticket and hoped for the day she could see him again and but what your heart wants just doesnt end up happening at least for her anyways. AHHH dont we all feel sorry for her. Anyway she closes her letter by saying she will always love him and he will have a special place in her heart. She then says if you want me or need me or want to come to Australia you know where I am. Then the finally- I will love you for the rest of my life. What a crock. Give me a break. She knew full well what she was getting into. I only hope she can one day feel the pain she has caused me. So that is it for now. I am not sure what is going to happen now. I am still going to keep trying. Hopefully he will open up again. Who knows. I am strong and I am a great person. No matter what happens I will be fine. I will keep you updated.