I have ben reading this board for the past few weeks and just started participating this week. Reading posts from other peaple has been very positive for me.
What I don't hear alot of is success stories, where the Plan A/B strategies have had positive outcomes for restoring the marriage. Maybe thats because after the marriage is reconciled, people stop posting/using the board. I read alot of "give it time", and "keep up the plan", which is all positive feedback and is appreciated. Anybody got a success story where a marriage has been saved after an A or EA?

This is true, when things go better you do not post so much. I had a very long plan A, over a year. I kept sensing that the OW was not quite gone, and I think I was right. I think the break up was typical and lasted several months. I have been reading the OW board and have found that many WS go back to their cheating ways as soon as things settle down. My H's relationship with the OW stopped, but communication continued for a period. We have been in true recovery only for the past (6) few months. He then started to meet my needs. This was all complicated by a pregnancy inbetween (mine). Things are finally good, he admits his fault and has taken responsibility. He is completely out of the fog and just doesn't know what he was thinking. The OW tried to stay close by, but she ended up with nothing good in her life. She wanted our life, but she had no part in building this life we have. We made sacrifices together and she wanted to walk away with the "prize". It was like a competition to her. She tried to destroy us, but what happened was that our relationship has gotten even stronger from this. I mean solid. The beginning was tough. I thought he was going to leave. I had to protect my kids (3) so I went to an attorney and approached from a position of power. I was ready if he walked out. He didn't. Reality crept into his illicit affair (sorry about the spelling...in a hurry). He realized that she was not as good as what he had. (no he didn't stay for just the kids, I would never have taken them away from their dad) We had failed to protect our marriage because we were both busy working and caring for the kids, so there was no play time left for us. That is when she came in, she was his fun and she offered it up so freely. (SL&T!). Yes I'm still angry. Always will be. He should have done it differently, but who knew. She had been divorced several times and knew the score better than us.

Fast foward almost 2 years. Life is great. We are both meeting each others needs. We have more time for fun and have re arranged our lifestyle for this. I have some good days and some bad. Mostly good now. It is like a bad chapter in a very long book. Her chapter is over, you know it happened, you remember, but the book goes on and that chapter is over. It takes a great deal of determination while the WS is in the sexual fog, when reality hits the A, it fizzles with in 2 years. If they do go on after the A, only 5% of those relationships will work. Let the OW come over and cook and clean I used to say. I could use the help! Her thick make up would wilt and acrilic nails would break though!!!!!!!! Thanks for the vent. We are happy again, no need to post so much-jersey girl

Just visiting and came across this post...

Well, it's true - when things are going well, it's hard to make time to come here, plus what I have realized about myself now that things are much better, we are comunicating, life is normal, no more cheating, etc, is that - to come here and read some things that I had been going through triggers me and makes me sad, or angry, and so I choose to stay away most of the time, (except thought I would drop by today)

But I feel pretty successful so far, and we are 7 months out from DDay - can tell you that it will definitely take me two years to heal, though. But I'm getting there. Hope that makes you feel better - that there will come a point in time when you aren't hungrily snapping up bits of sorrow on this board to help you commiserate with yourself... but actually work, plan, shop, read books, go to movies, laugh...

Try the "In Recovery" board. There's lots of success stories there, including me and my FWH.

Definitely a success story here - I was in Plan A all during the affair and did not even know it. Nor did I even have a clue about what Plan A was, or what an Emotional Need was, which contributed greatly to my wife having an affair (Like, it wasn't actually a GOOD Plan A...) This despite being in a marriage so bad I kept hoping she would die so I could be free.

It can work: read Amethyst03's post of March 14, 12:15 PM on this thread: post

<small>[ March 16, 2003, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>

Maybe my story could help you.

I stopped posting when my depression became so deep that I could not read your stories here because it was hurting me so much to see all this suffering that you were going through.

My signature line sums it up. Yes - it takes time - and I was at a point where I thought we weren't going to make it. My H and I are closer than ever and love each other deeply and will NEVER let ourselves get to the point that we did when he had his A.

Better.
Stronger.
More Aware.

Gambler,

Sorry don't mean to threadjack...

Alberta,

In another post sometime ago you mentioned that you were using a MC that applies MB principles. We live in the same province and perchance in the same city/area. Could you let me know the name of this MC? It will be appreciated.

Thanks, SunnyBreaks

Sunny..
I'm in Calgary.
It just happened to be a lucky thing that our MC had read Harley material and understood the principals. We went to counselling with an agency in Calgary, through my Husband's Health and Welfare plan.

I do know that there are His Needs/Her Needs seminars in the area...boy I'd have to dig around for that info..they happen usually one in the Spring and one in the Fall and are run by local folks.

more threadjacking...sorryyyy

Alberta, dang! We are in Edmonton, anything about the seminars will be welcome. My previous experience (years ago) with MCs have been not too good, to put it mildly.

Great weather last few days,eh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I note that I am not "junior" anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />