I've noticed since the d-day that my wife broke the news (over a month ago) that I have completely become a person filled with a lot of anger which I never was. Most of which I want to hurt the OM but I know that would just get my in serious legal trouble so I avoid that at all cost. I would never strike down anyone but lately people have made me really edgy and I have to refrain myself and my mind at times. What do you guys do to alleviate anger? I was thinking about going back to the gym again, taking karate or boxing classes but them I am afraid that will lead to large amounts of build up of testosterone (wanting sex all the time) and that could be bad too. Any suggestions?

<small>[ March 14, 2003, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: promiseherthemoon ]</small>

I lucked up (if anything in this situation can be called lucky).

The week after D-Day, my company bought the entire staff membership @ a Local Fitness Gym. I go now 6 days a week, 1½ hours per session. I exhaust myself, burning off all this extra emotion,hurt,anger,frustration. Then I go home feeing spent, and emotionally better to a degree.

So yes, I would whole-heartedly reconmend exercise as a way to burn off your feelings. I'ts not going to make them go away completly. But it does help.

Johnny - yeah probably good advise. Do you ever have urges of hunting down OM? I know that would be the ultimate love buster (not to mentiong going to jail over some fool would be worthless to our cause) there could be but does it cross your mind? I know it would not fix anything and only give a few mins of gratification to do such an act but man it's hard to keep it off my mind. I don't feel it's a wounded ego thing either, more of the fuel to the fire from the worst pain that I've ever felt.

Any kind of physical exercise will help tremendously, I think. I walk when I'm angry. Walk and walk and walk. And usually cry. And walk some more.

Not as good as the gym, but with a little baby, it's darned difficult to find time for anything more.

Whatever you do, DON'T use your favorite drug or food of choice. Not alcohol, not chocolate, not any other substance. And don't drive when you're blind furious, either. 112 into a tree won't do anyone any good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by J of HJK:
<strong>Any kind of physical exercise will help tremendously, I think. I walk when I'm angry. Walk and walk and walk. And usually cry. And walk some more.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are you Forrest Gump? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Oh, thats right he ran and ran and ran. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I bought a punching bag and got my weight set back out. And yes I would have been violent with OM. No one understood why I didn't confront him but I knew I would have wound up in jail if I did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

STTSI

The gym is the way to go , but boxing is great and relives so much more .

And the sex thing well cold very cold show after if you don't get tired enough at the gym .

And I give you guys out ther alot of credit not beating the OM I am a women and was never really in to voilence but now I am trying to save money for bail , in case the gym don't work LOL

Hunt down OM?

There wouldn't be much 'hunt' to it..

I have his unlisted telephone number
I have his home address
I have his cell phone number
I have his vehicle description and licence plate number.
I know where he works (with my WW, duhhh)
I've driven by his apartment a few times... (It's a COMPLETE DUMP)...
I have photos of the place, their cars, the area, etc.. etc....

Hunt down??
*lol*
15 minute drive and I could be knocking on his door.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by JohnnyB:
<strong>Hunt down OM?
15 minute drive and I could be knocking on his door.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Same here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But add to your list:
Credit report
Criminal history
past residences
email accounts

Isn't the internet wonderful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Do the gym, it is better than the OM!
I also play the drums and knew I had built up anger when a set of drum sticks would last only a few days!

STTSI

<small>[ March 14, 2003, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: Still Trying To Save It ]</small>

Everybody here has given good advice so far. Just get out and do something. I would advise that anything other than sitting around watching TV and eating would be good. Just do what you love to do.

Remember to take care of yourself with good nutrition. One person I talked with about this issue stressed this. I have taken the advice and 6 months post D-Day, I am in great shape.

The urges to confront OM come and go, but my job requires a clean record, and a confrontation of that kind would not help that too much. OM used to be a friend of mine, and it is one regret that I have that I didn't go over to his house and open a can of whoop-A** on him. He's a bigger guy, but it's not all muscle. Size means nothing in fighting...

Anyways, I'll just have to rest with the satisfaction that he is a 24 yr. old, unemployed, and living with parents loser.

Yes.. physical confrontation may make us feel good for a short while, but it's highly destructive in the long run.

Personally, I take comfort in the fact that OM is 38, balding, and living in a rat-hole apartment over a pawn shop.. Did I mention he's a car salesman?

My FWH and I work out 5-6 nights a week together and go for walks. That's when we do our best talking, we've really become close and great friends. He's made most of his disclosures on our walks..helps us both keep calm.

I know how you feel and my wife was amazed that, although I am not a violent person, I did not resort to this with her or the latest OM.

I might add that since the revelation I have not yet met the OM, who is known to me and frequents the same local haunt as us ... so I don't yet know how I will react to him - just depends on whether he stays out of our way, does not try to talk to her, gloats at me or whatever.

I have not yet tried the gym, but have discovered that my request to her for a full story about what happenned, with whom and where,(except of course the sordid details) is beginning to instil some trust ... especially as she has admitted things which I would never have known after many years and relocation.

She is taking a lot of flack from me ... only verbal ... and is taking it on the chin. I must however stop this as she does feel extremely ashamed and I don't want to bring it up for years afterwards - this is my reason for venting my anger (somewhat calmly) now and asking questions in order to prevent any confusion or need to bring it up again.

She is answering all of my questions, wants to go out together from now on etc. I am concerned that she may try to shut herself away from any temptation which may make her feel trapped and susceptible later ... this we have to work on.

Think about my suggestion very carefully as it may not be right for you and may hurt you even more.

Good luck and stay calm.

Hey! This is my first post to the board so I want to make it good! First in my opinion, the gym is the saviour of us cheated on! The reasons are two-fold:

1. You get out your agression on weights!
2. You get healthy and sexy at the same time!

Anyway, why hurt the guy??? It takes 2 to tango and he has no obligation to you, she does! So all he did was take advantage of a situation that was presented to him. I know its hard but get past it and get your butt into the gym. You will feel 100% better after you get a nice routine going!!

Stay strong!!
LB

I agree on the Gym stuff...

I also planed to confront the OW but thank God she didn't pick up the phone cause I didn't knew what I would tell...

I have got drunk until I couldn't feel nothing and that still have not helped me...

Since I got too many punds on myself the Gym is getting very hard to me, but still I think a lot there and when I reach home I just want to go to bed...

SO DO THE GYM....

It will help in the long run I guess...(still trying to figure out so many things here....)

I too have a lot of anger in me as well. I look at H with such rage at times. Although he is working very hard to repair us I can not help sometimes but, feel such hatred for him. I have been praying non stop for God to take those feelings from my mind and heart. I do not want to feel that way especially since we are trying to move past this and work through our marriage. We just celebrated our 10 yr wedding anniversary yesterday. It was a very special day for us because my son turned 18 as well. You will get past this because, I can feel my level of bitterness decreasing more each day. God bless you and good luck to you and your spouse! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have a suggestion... the gym is good for some, walking or jogging for others... but for me these activities gave me too much time to think about my pain. But what has helped me was martial arts, I took up Aikido.

It served several purposes for me, the first was a health benefit, I was able to lose about fifteen pounds, becoming more trim and slim. The gym was only bulking me up under the fat. The second was the anger and aggression was burned off in being thrown to the mats and being able to throw someone [without legal consequences... :-) ]. The third was I did not have time to think about my pain while I was trying to learn the techniques/throws. The fourth was the best, it involved one of my W's EA's; this fellow wanted to "Bust my Punk A**" as he put it (Go Figure). After learning I had been taking Aikido for almost a year... he quickly retracted his threats. (I have not told anyone about that until now.)

IF YOU choose a martial art, I ADVISE this if one is available, learn a style that DOES NOT INSTILL AGGRESSION/VIOLENCE as first recourse; if you are that angry, it will only make you more dangerous if you do loose control. If you can seek out Aikido, Judo or even Tae Chi (Tae Chi IS NOT just a stretching exercise), these teach the philosophy of effective Defense without the need to brutalize your "attacker" in a slugging match to stop him/her (no Legal consequences). Plus you get will get to throw people around with the first two I mentioned :-).

Find what works best for you, best of luck and God Bless.