I am new to this forum. Just 6 weeks ago I found out that my husband was having an affair. He got caught when his cell phone mistakenly dialed our home number while he was on a date with the "OW". I had just four weeks prior given birth to our fourth child. When I heard him tell this woman, 'You know what my wife asked me last night while I was listening to a love song on the radio? She asked if I was in love. If my wife only knew.' I felt like dying and killing him all at the same time. This is especially since this is his second affair. The first happened 7 years ago when I was pregnant with our third child and I had finally after all this time began to trust him once again. I was leary though when I got pregnant this time, because I attributed the first affair to the fact that I had been pregnant. In fact when I found out I was pregnant I cried for a week because I was so afraid of having to through this once again and I told my husband as much. He reassured me that it wasn't going to happen again, well apparently he lied. Anyway, shortly after finding out about the affair I found out that the person is my 20 year old neighbor, My husband is 34. She is married herself and has a small child, but apparently she isn't happy with her spouse. Infact I know she isn't happy with him because I've seen him abuse her. I confronted her, peacefully, about the afair and she told me that she was sorry and that it was over. She says that they hadn't been with eachother long only about two months and that she hadn't fallen in love with my husband. My husband on the other hand did fall in love with her. He says that he is committed to trying to make our marriage work because he says that he is still also inlove with me. Even though I really want my marriage to work (I've been married for 13 years.) I don't see how it can when he has these feelings for her and we see everytime we walk out of our home. They don't speak to eachother, but you can tell that they are both uncomfortable and to be honest it makes me sick. I am also very angry because I feel like she made out like a bandit. First she went after my husband (she told me that she did) and got him and she gets to sit back in her marriage with her husband being non the wiser while my world is falling apart. Any advice will do.<P>P.S.<BR> I made it a point that I wouldn't tell her husband, because I didn't feel that he should have to feel what I do. I am also afraid of what he may do to her and I don't see any good coming from being spiteful, but I am mad all the same.<P>------------------<BR>

AM-<BR>I am so sorry that you are dealing with this right now, especaially after just giving BIRTH. Post-partim is difficult enough without all this garbage. <P>Have you looked into any of Dr. Harley's materials- namely PlanA/B? These steps are ideal for someone that has just discovered an affair.<P>It is so difficult to know what to do at a time like this. Just know that you have come to the right place and that we are all here to help each.<P>Take care of yourself and your children. They need you right now more than ever. My prayer are with you.<P>God Bless You,<BR>cc

AM,<BR> Oh boy, I understand. My h has had more than one also. And last year when he had his last (I hope) one, I had just gotten comfortable with trusting him again. In fact we renewed our vows in may 98, well guess what the affair was in full swing when we did. I found out in Sept. and I was torn between hurting him or hurting me, I decided not to do either, BUT, this time I'm going to take all the time I need to trust him again, and it is going to take time for me to love him like I did before. There are several of us here whose spouses (h's and w's both) have cheated more than once or who's spouses were/are involved in on again off again affairs with the same person for years. <BR> This is hard enough in it's self but with you having been through it before and having just given birth, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Hang on. Can either of you move ? That would help alot, her abusive h is no excuse for this, she needs help but not from a MM.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>