A woman I work with has been suffering from chest pain - fortunately her heart appears to be fine, so the doctors think it is probably stress. She was talking today about how it probably was stress, since she had been feeling pretty stressed having started working fairly recently and with a 2 and 4 year old, and I gather her husband doesn't help a whole lot with the kids. She doesn't know about my situation. I was trying really hard to commiserate, and I am sure that the chest pain must have been really scary - but in the back of my mind, all I could think was "She thinks SHE has stress?".<P>Yesterday, after work, I packed up the four youngest ones and we drove a total of 350 miles to pick up my daughter at college. <P>I have worked at least part-time all my adult life until shortly before #6 was born. One of the things my H was angry about was that I didn't go back to work after our youngest was born until she was almost 4 - not that he ever mentioned that he wanted me to go back to work - I apparently sat around for 4 years, doing nothing but homeschooling 5 kids and taking care of a baby/toddler.<P>

Nellie, I feel that way sometimes too about other people. A friend was all worked up about her H not taking out the garbage. I didn't say anything, just wished that my problems were so mild. When I have the chest pain it means my H has left me again.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Nellie,<P>My W used to complain that I took many things for granted, like paying the bills + taking care of our daughter's schools afairs. I was feeling the same way about some chores that I normally perform. This happens when you don't enjoy what you are doing.<P>I hope that you can rebuild your relationship and if so, maybe the 2 of you could talk this over and agree on which tasks could each one do so to work as a team, instead of resenting what you do.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

Nellie,<P>Are you getting depressed about Christmas? What is your H going to do - is he spending it with you all or not?<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Alex,<BR>It is not that I didn't enjoy what I was doing - I certainly do enjoy homeschooling, for instance - but I do resent his being angry at me for not going back to work earlier, when at the time he claimed to be supportive of homeschooling and highly critical of daycare. <P>Lor,<BR>It is hard to refrain from telling people that they should appreciate the fact that their family is still intact.

Roll Me Away,<P>Are you kidding? My H told me months ago that it "sent the wrong message" for him to even eat at the same table - he wouldn't even eat birthday cake with our daughter here when she asked him to. <P>There is no way the OW would ever let him spend Christmas with us. He is planning to take the four younger kids to her house the day after Christmas.<P>Sometimes I think he is the only spouse who acts like any time spent with his family constitutes being "unfaithful" to her. <P><p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited December 16, 1999).]

Nellie,<P>What are you a some kind of slacker ?<BR> You only home school 5 kids, raise a baby, take care of the family and home ? I suppose you have to sleep too!!!!!<P>Come on get with the program!!!!(LOL)<P>God Bless you and your family !!<P>Bob

RWD,<BR>Sleep? - sometimes - when the dogs don't wake me up at 3 am.

Nellie,<P>SORRY!!!!! That butt-hole <P>Well, I have no idea if my H is going to come over Christmas night or not. Probably not because the OW will be in Atlanta and they are having Christmas at his friend's where H is currently living.<P>I will be on-line christmas day, so you just plan on coming here and spending the day with me! <P>Don't let this man take away everything from you, Nellie. You have your children and you can face them and look them in the eye and not be ashamed. You have your dignity and a life that is well worth living. You have to find ways to focus less on what you "ain't got" and focus more on what you do have. You hvae 6 fabulous kids (me too the blended family!)! You are a bright woman (homeschooling - WOW!) and a dedicated mother (6 kids - I KNOW you are great!!!). You hvae SO MUCH going for you. HIS LOSS!!!!!!!<P>Keep the faith....happier times have to be ahead...<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Roll Me Away,<P>Unfortunately, it is also the kids' loss.<P>My H has never denied that he once loved me - when he told me he wanted a divorce he said he didn't love me "anymore" - but since he left he has said things like he doesn't like my "basic personality", which he claimed I must have been hiding, and he doesn't think he can ever have "positive feelings" for me again. He acts in every way like he hates me. While trying to convince me that we would "get along better after divorce" he compared it to a situation at work, where sometimes there is someone you can't stand, but you manage to deal with him as long as you limit conversation to essential topics and limit the time spent in conversation. Yet he has also told me that I always acted like I loved him. Sometimes I think I would give my right arm for him even to want to "divorce as friends". He has told the kids that we "don't get along"; he told the therapist that we argued "all the time" - funny thing is that the kids have said that we only argued a "medium amount" even during the affair, and even the 17 year old had no idea that there was anything wrong in our relationship.<P>