Hello

This one might be a little long....

hmmm where to start....

H created and email account (hotmail) for the OW... I found out that after dday and I now got the acount of the OW and H didn't knew....

it's been now 1 and half months snce dday and I been plan A'ing myself a lot...
Last weekend was awesome we have talked a lot.. danced... movies... slept (no SF)... very fun like life again.. but still he refused to sleep over at nights here.. he said he was frightened (what for? I don't got a clue)...

Point is we have just spend the most incredible times together.. and out of the blue today after we went to the gym.. we returned and he leave me here home and go to his parents... I loged into the OW account and BAM! there was an email from H to OW! asking to chat that why they never chated??
At this point I wondered myself... he sure knows I hacked the account and he was testing me...

When he arrived at his parents I where already berseck and asked him point blank how come he sended an email asking for a chat? (yes not very smart the way I managed all the mess... but I where never controlled in this cases... and even worse when I saw things comming so good to recovery u know?)..
First he didn't got a clue I where talking about...
Then I asked again why he wanted to chat with OW? and sended an email? he denied he sended nothing...
Then I told him I hacked the account ok? so stop liying!... and he denied again! (can u beleive this s...?)

After it sank out... he told me.. he just made a terrible mistake... that I pleae forgive him... that it was a moment of weaknes...

I told him NO no way.. if u want to fix this.. come home and we both send an email now to OW finishing this once and for all... either this or go fishing... (I'm at that point now)... And we start recovery now...
I even told him I was going to be to OW house and tell this whole mess to OW's H...

So we keept talking and he still told me he was very very sorry of this terrible mistake (I bet he was)...

So this was my point and he told me he couldn't do that... come home and send email... casue she didn't knew sh... of this and that was a moment of weakness... so she couldn't pay for all this...

Later he told me after talking and talking finally what was bothering him about me... u know? I could plan A my whole life and I didn't got a clue the real problem.. finally told me... and we finally communicate!...
He told me he wanted to fix this... that please give him another chance...
And he even thanked God that the email was at my hands... cause his moment of weakness...never arrived at her! (what can I get from this reasoning? true? B....Sh???
We reached the point that I was very harsh in talking but also nhe never got a point.. always avoiding conflict and that is why we never talked... he was always runing like a coward...

Tomorrow he told me he was going to counseling... to ask shrink about that fear and why it might be...
My point is that I don't just know anymore what to do...
Should all this could be true of finally another lie?

Please help! cause I'm in the brink to go to plan B or even D... I don't want to spend the rest of my life ddaying...

Thanks!

<small>[ April 13, 2003, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: matilde ]</small>

I think you should take a deep breath and give this man one more chance before you decide anything rash.

This is, of course, my personal opinion.

You scared him so bad he finally opened up to you about what was bothering him. If he goes to counseling, I think you are on the road to recovery.

If you want to know if he continues to try to communicate with the OW, especially with your computer, go here: Klogger This way you can watch everything he does without the guessing. I am using it right now (Im in my first month after D-day) and its a real load off my mind. Read the instructions but be mentally prepared for anything you might find out. If you have a virus scanner like Norton Antivirus you need to make it ignore the program, so you have it exclude klogger.exe or the virus program will go bonkers and your mate WILL find out there is spyware on the computer. I am in no way affiliated with klogger. Put its a free utility us betrayed spouses can use.

Our spouses are human. And so are we. You both made mistakes. Just allow yourselves time to make up for them.
At least, that's my advice now.

Hello Mojodiva

Thank you for your reply

I think the A was the mistake. This seccond attempt was just plain treason for myself and I'm not so sure anymore I want to keep living by that standard.

Right now I'm just in a step to commit something foolish...

As for the program thank you for the tip but I can not do that just now becasue he is logginf from his computer at work and I got no access to that. Not that I care anymore...

Take care

I just noticed you dont have any children. I can see now how you might be so quickly considering walking.

How bout this...give yourself and your husband another 72 hours to cool down. Can you really see yourself walking away from an 8 year marriage?

Believe me, I know how it feels. I found out through emails myself.

Hmm... I dunno...maybe you feel the need to hurt him back? Personally, I would have told the OW's H already, since I know Id want to know if my spouse was cheating on me. But that's a decision you have to make.

I wish I could be more helpful. Im new to all this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I just noticed you dont have any children. I can see now how you might be so quickly considering walking. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well yes that is something we can not have childresn because he is infertile and we need an expensive treatment called ICSI to at least got a hope. So that is what I'm thinking... why spend maybe? the rest of my life to a cheater and to aperson who never communicated with me and that hurt me soo much? I must be nuts to do that... or even considering do it...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hmm... I dunno...maybe you feel the need to hurt him back? Personally, I would have told the OW's H already, since I know Id want to know if my spouse was cheating on me. But that's a decision you have to make.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I feel to hurt him back badly.. contacting OW H and giving an email to boss (OW was a co-worker)...
Maybe push things further? although I don't know what for...

Mostly I just wanted to finish this whole mess... called life? I just don't know right now... I'm going to give me more time to think about it....

Thanks u been very helpfull already <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hopes things work our for you