I broke off an affair I was having with one of my employees. My wife knows everything. I am in therapy and we are in marriage counseling. QUESTION: How do I deal with my employee who is hurt and angry? I broke it off with her, but she refuses to look at me and she makes passive agressive comments. I want to quit my job; and my wife wants me to quit my job. However, I can't because we need the money right now and the job pays $90,000/year. I just need to hang in there for six months. But how to I work with my former mistress? I need practical advice to get me through these next six months.

There is no way for you and your marriage to truly recover until you have NC with the OW. That means not working together. Even if you've managed to convince yourself that you'd never do this again, your wife will be living with the knowledge that you are seeing her every day. You can't be so naive as to believe that your wife really trusts you in this situation. You have to either get the OW transferred somewhere else, you have to go work somewhere else, or you can continue on as you are and prolong the pain. I think it's great that you're working on counseling and trying to fix your marriage. So I'm not trying to be cruel, but I will be blunt. You got into this situation because you wanted a wife and a girlfriend. It was selfish. Can you see that not being willing to get another job or get the OW out of your office is still being selfish? Being a BS myself, I can tell you that she's probably feeling that her needs are still being ranked last in your life.

I hope you stay with this site, as there's lots of wisdom here. We will support you in getting your marriage back together. But we'll also be quick to step up and tell you when we feel you're causing more damage.

Run, don't walk, to the nearest bookstore and buy Surviving an Affair. I also recommend After the Affair and I have Torn Asunder on order. Best of luck to you and your wife.

KKM...welcome to MB. Please read the valuable information on site, it will offer you many options you may have overlooked which can lead to understanding why you chose the path you chose, how your Wife will be feeling and the things you can do which can help the two of you find a better understanding.

Now for your question...I must agree with Dobie, working with an ex-affair partner is only going to make the pain continue for all concerned. However, I do realize that we do have to make a living...you said that in six months you could change your position/job so that you would no longer be working with this woman. I'm going to take you at your word that this is your goal and one that you will do whatever it takes to meet.

How to handle an ex-affair partner when you have no intention of resuming the affair???? First, you need to have an understanding with your spouse...is she willing to try and deal with this situation? If not...start looking for a new position TODAY! Now, assuming that your W is willing to give you this six months to find a new job...you need to set some groundrules which you will stick to as if your marriage depends on it...because it may well do so. Depending on what you and your Wife can work out between you....it might have to do with being completely and totally honest about every encounter you have with this woman...even if it's only seeing her at the end of the hall...with no words between you...it might be much more involved considering the day to day dealings this woman and you must have. Listen to your W. Do your very best to give her as much security as possible in this terrible situation.

Now I realize you SEEM to be more concerned as to how you should handle this woman's actions, more so then your W's...maybe this is because you and your W have discussed this in depth and have reached an understanding...I sincerely hope so.

So...Depending on how much contact you must have with this woman must be weighted as to what you should do. If possible...the least contact the better. If you can avoid her...do so! If this is not reasonable (ie. she's your assistant, etc.), then you MUST behave in a professional manner...a very professional manner. NO PERSONAL remarks AT ALL!!!!! Ignore as much as possible any remarks she makes which are not about business. You CAN NOT control what this woman says or does...ONLY what your reaction to it might be.

If this woman does NOT want to look at you!!!!!! Then leave her the h*ll alone and bless your lucky stars that she is not making your worklife a living h*ll!!!

You choose to end the affair! Let it die! You should NOT attempt to be this woman's "friend"...you lost that chance when you crossed the line into an affair. For whatever reason you choose your Wife over your mistress....accept that this was YOUR choice and try to be a man who accepts the results of his past choices.

You've torn the lives of those who cared and loved you into shreds...you can NOT make everything better. The most you can do...if you want this...is to try and reclaim the trust and love of your wife....it's not going to be easy and the sooner you keep your focus on what you need to do to help her heal and not the OW...the better. JMHO