My husband is biSexual. He came out to me about 6 months ago. He says that he wants to make the marriage work, but his actions speak otherwise. He has 2 chrildren from a previous marriage, I also have 2 from a previous marriage. We have been married approximatley 5 years, but together for 12.

I have read the letters about infidelity and agree with the addiction aspect of an affair, but what if one of you is bisexual, or what if one of you is really gay but still able to have relationships with the other sex (in this case a spouse)? Does this concept hold true? My H has told me that he is not sure he can live w/o a man2man relationship, although he wants to maintain our marriage and have me as his "primary" partner. I can't accept this??

Any thoughts??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by brighteyes:
<strong>My husband is biSexual. He came out to me about 6 months ago. He says that he wants to make the marriage work, but his actions speak otherwise....My H has told me that he is not sure he can live w/o a man2man relationship, although he wants to maintain our marriage and have me as his "primary" partner. I can't accept this??

Any thoughts??</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The fact that he is or is not bisexual, to me, is irrelevant. If you love your spouse and are committed to your marriage, you will not go outside the marriage. Is there such a thing as a primary partner? Would you accept being the "primary" partner if he wanted to see other women? No, you would not. If he can't live without man2man relationships, then he should not be married.
Michael

<small>[ April 01, 2003, 06:51 PM: Message edited by: MichaelinDallas ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by brighteyes:
<strong>but what if one of you is bisexual, or what if one of you is really gay but still able to have relationships with the other sex (in this case a spouse)? Does this concept hold true? My H has told me that he is not sure he can live w/o a man2man relationship, although he wants to maintain our marriage and have me as his "primary" partner. I can't accept this??</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The issue is not bisexuality, the issue is polyamory, or being in love / involved with more than one partner. If you want to keep your relationship with your husband, then I would encourage you to find a group or counselor who deals with "poly people" to explore whether this is a lifestyle you can embrace. (Do a web search for polyamory and you'll come up with multiple sites).

It can be a difficult lifestyle, for everyone involved, and requires tremendous communication and honesty from all parties. I have found in my own life, whether it be this issue, or infidelity, that I don't know what I can (or can't) live with until I have been there.

Please feel free to email me at kuurspet@aol.com if you would like to discuss this any further. I'm not good about checking the boards regularly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by brighteyes:
<strong>My husband is biSexual. He came out to me about 6 months ago. He says that he wants to make the marriage work, but his actions speak otherwise. He has 2 chrildren from a previous marriage, I also have 2 from a previous marriage. We have been married approximatley 5 years, but together for 12.

I have read the letters about infidelity and agree with the addiction aspect of an affair, but what if one of you is bisexual, or what if one of you is really gay but still able to have relationships with the other sex (in this case a spouse)? Does this concept hold true? My H has told me that he is not sure he can live w/o a man2man relationship, although he wants to maintain our marriage and have me as his "primary" partner. I can't accept this??

Any thoughts??</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi, brighteyes! I have to agree with the others also. It seems to me that your H is trying to have it both ways--no pun intended. No, you cannot and should not accept this.

Now, I'm going to ask you a tough question, which will probably be painful. When you indicated that your H's actions were contrary to his claims that he wanted to make the M work, what exactly does that mean? Do you know if he has actually had sex with other men? My other question is, have you or he been tested for STD's since he came out to you six months ago? If you have not, I would strongly urge you to get a complete physical immediately.