Hey all, I am new here and have been reading some of the posts and alot hit real close to home.
My husband of two years , is in the military, a few months ago he had to go on a course he was away for one month. In this time he stuck up a "friendship" with a woman who was on his course. I have never had any mistrust in him and for some reason I got a uneasy feeling about this woman from day one and I to this day could not explain why.
He came home one weekend and I was checking the messages on our cell phone and there was a message from her asking him when he was getting back and to call her on the common phone.
I asked him about it and he said she just had a question about some homework they had.
That was fine, but after he got home for good I asked him to give our children a bath one night and he happened to have his cell phone on him and it rang. I was in our daughters room across the hall and heard him whispering, I knew it was her and asked who it was, he lied and said it was a male friend of his. I checked the phone and it was her number(she lives out of town).
I confronted him about it and he still told me it was his male friend then I demanded to know the truth. He admitted it was her and that he didn't call her back.
By this time I was very suspisious about what was going on and after digging around I checked his email account and there was a sexually graphic letter she snet him and that she couldn't wait to see him that weekend.
I exploded and called him at work and confronted him about the letter and after much yelling he told me yes she was coming to town but wasn't planning on meeting her and the letter was just a joke.
Not funny to me. We talked after he got home from work and after many tears form my part he promised me that he would no longer talk to her again.
I always knew they still talked over the military email but had no proof. I was tempted to phone his sgt at work and and bust them but I am not that mean spirited.
After three weeks last week I found out that he made a new email account under an alias and they were corisponding again.On sunday night after I got off work I saw how two sided this all was and when i saw the letter from her asking him to pick her up at the airport yesterday I completly melted down and lost it with him. I confronted him and put it all on the line. He told me he had no intention of picking her up at the airport and that they were just friends, and that nothing had happened between them just emails.
He seems to think that because there was not a pyhsical incident between then then there was no case of infidelity.
She has gone away for predeplyment training and will be gone for two months and then she is off over seas. I emailed her and told her how I felt, she responded that she didn't understand why I was upset cause I had him in my bed every night and she only had in in the emails.
I have friends who could get me in touch with her husband(she is married too) but I don't feel right about doning that not to her but to her husband and the fact she has too small children.
Now I am stuck do I leave and find a life without worring if he is going to do this to me again after she gets back or do I stay and try and rebuild the absolute no trust I have in Him ?
I could really use some advise about this. My friends say I should leave and start a new life for me and our children But my heart says stay for our childrens sake .What should I do. Please help...

oh hun I am so sorry for your pain and confusion right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

There is such a thing as an Emotional Affair and thats what your H is having with this woman. I suggest you read up on the principles here about Marriage Builders and try to apply it to your life. First your H must have NO CONTACT with Other woman. If he works with her thats hard, but it has to be .

Now me myself I don't always follow the priciples, I know alot of people talk about love busters and not to say this or that, but I DO know that if my H had read me the right act when I started slipping it would have shocked me into reality again. I would tell this woman to never contact your H again, I would tell her that she needed to tell her H that she was doing this, cause you will be and its best if he hears it from her first.I would let my H know that adultery is punishable under the military, so don't [censored] with me.

Its up to you if you want to stay and work it out. I suggest reading about plans a and b. There is IMHO no shame in either leaving or staying. But you have to make that desicion for your self.

I did ask her tostay out of our lives, but I don't think she will. I don't have access to his military email, but I am sure that she will still keep trying to contact him there. She seems like the very persistant type. I want so much to trust that he will ignore her but there is a part of me that knows he won't. i asked him if she was worth our marrige and he said no our marrige was more important I also asked if her friendship was worth our marrige and he also said that ourmarrige was more important. I made sure I let her know this that she wasn't worth our marrige to him. I am sure she won't email me back and I am sure she won't tell her husband, but I told my H that if this does happen again with her or any other woman that that was it. I can only take so much as anyone could.
I was very tempted to tell his sgt what was going on because she was there when I phoned him and confronted him about the frist letter I found I think she heard me yelling at him, I think oversea troops could hear me yelling at him, so she knows we are having problems she just doesn't know it is about another military member. I don't want to ruin his military carrer, I know why should I care right, but despite this all I still do love him. I just hate what he is doing to us right now.
I have a pc monitor on our computer that he dosen't know about, so i will be able to see if he is up to no good I only hoope I don't find anything else!!!
Thanks for yur advice it is quite welcome.