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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2 |
I have found out that my spouse is getting a little too close to his coworker. It makes me uncomfortable because our one-year anniversary is coming up next month. I don't know if I should call her or send an email. She is very persistant and he likes the attention. I do everything for him...I feel betrayed. What should I do? I have already confronted him, but it looks like he hasn't taken care of the situation.
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
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Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424 |
Do you think your husband would be willing to read Surviving an Affair? In fact, it would be great for you both to read SAA at this point, particularly the part about ENs. It would be far better to work on things now then later.
It would be better for one of the WSs here to answer, as their perspective on whether he is even receptive to guidance at this point would be invaluable.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
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Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950 |
It sounds like both of you need the services of a marriage oriented professional. I recommend that you make an appointment with the Harley's or Penny Tuppi from saveyourmarriagecentral.com.
Don't argue with him, even if you are right, because it will only further close his mind. I recommend you read the Harley books 'Surviving An Affair', 'His Needs Her Needs' and 'Love Busters'. The last one (Love Busters) in particular, will open your eyes as to how certain habits, otherwise considered insignificant, are truly destructive to a marriage.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 285
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 285 |
Take it from me who has been there. My husband also had a friendship with a coworker that I was never comfortable with and I would tell him and he would assure me it was nothing, they were just friends, they worked together. In the beginning it probably was true but it did turn into an A within a year.
I don't know what can make it stop, I now wholeheartedly believe that friendships with OS are dangerous. Have you explained how you feel about this without accusing, telling him you are uncomfortable with it? Or, how would he feel if you that close with a male friend how would he feel about it?
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2 |
He constantly tells me how much he loves me, but he doesn't have any character. He looks at other woman and needs assurance to show that 'He still has it'. Its an ego thing. I feel like I am a beautiful woman and I can get another man if I wanted to. I am only 25 years old and I am unhappily married. I can't picture my life without my husband, but I don't know what else to do. I will not go outside of my marriage. I asked him yesterday if he would like to go to counseling and he said no.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,973
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Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,973 |
What is it about anniversaries? I think that esp. men have difficulty with the permanence of the marriage institution. Instead of looking at it as mature well-adjusted older man (who is happy with who he is), they feel like they have to prove something with a stranger. It is a cheap deal. If you love this man, this site on the web is probably the best place to be and maybe get him to learn about "stuff". He married you. A good marriage requires looking after.
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