If you want background info, see my strings under Almost a Year in this category and in Plan A/Plan B.

Have decided today that it is over. I don't think I love him anymore. Even though it hasn't been even 2 weeks since D-day, I realize that there are other issues which will prevent me from ever being happy with this man. I have been supporting him and his daughter (from a prev marriage) for about 8 weeks now while he's been laid off and during this time he had the EA/PA. They only slept together once. But he had been taking her out for lunches, buying wine, while I was at work. I have been angry at him and resentful over the past year because of his continual irresponsibility with money. It doesn't matter how many times I talk with him, he'll just go out and buy things and then lie to me about it. Said last week that he bought a CD and it was only 6.50, well it was a number of CD's and it was closer to 60. Then he went out and bought clothes for his daughter after I told him we have to cut our expenses this week. And then withdrew another $120 for other "things". I can't handle it anymore. He is selfish and shows no regard or thanks for the hard days at work I go through or this support. Yes, he is out job hunting, but alot of that is done at home. When I first moved here and couldn't work b/c was awaiting my visa, at least I took some iniative and kept the house clean, did the laundry, prepared dinner. He has been off work for 7- 8 weeks now and has yet to do that. Am I supposed to sit back and be all loving and nurturing while he goes through his guilt phase and put up with this S#@# that has been going on? We haven't paid rent this month yet because we have to wait until I get paid near the end of the month. He had debt when I moved here that he didn't tell me about. It goes on and on. I just want to leave him and start over. The affair is an issue that I could get over eventually. He asks me to be patient. But how can I tolerate this other behaviour? I hate him for it.

Advice please? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

How long did you do plan A ?. A year ?. Do you expect him to do things that he has never done from the beginning of M ?. I don't see he is in guilty phase at all based on your post. You have to consider plan B or tough love if there is a chance for your M.

-rh-

No, affair was just ended 2 weekends ago. But I had started on plan A prior to that, didn't know about the affair, but was really focussing on his needs, etc. He expects me to change and to be more loving/affectionate, which I have been for a few months. Only he wasn't accepting that affection b/c he was with OW. I was oblivious, thought his need for space was true, but kept trying to hug and kiss him, etc. But now since D-Day he shows little remorse or appreciation and keeps up this irresponsible behaviour with money which I have addressed with him numerous times. My family all know about this whole situation and support me with leaving him.

This is my 2¢. You should give it a time limit for a few months at least. Find out his ENs, guess it by filling ENQ as if he does it. Most men's ENs are admirations, SF, recreational companionship ... Test the water and see his reactions to confirm it. You just need to concentrate to fillin his top 5 for now. Learn the one that has been filled by OW. Why not plan B or Dv ?, you have been in plan A very long, don't waste it. The fact that A is ended, your plan A must has some impact. Also teach him to fillin your ENs ... how ?, like a dog, you reward the dog with biskuit when the dog does what you want to. This man, like many, are a old dog and only work with positive reinforcement and forget about keeping the buiskuit as a punishment. You need to "tune up" more ENs when he does fillin your ENs ... but you do not use ENs as a punishment.

-rh-