What is the first signs of it? And what are the logistics on them stopping, once they have crossed the line? What if you suspect but they continually deny it?

What is the first signs of it?
Check 50 signs link under my signature
And what are the logistics on them stopping, once they have crossed the line?
logistics ??? you mean, logic ?. A is cause by selfishness, they stopped when OW stopped it or the A becomes too much to handle.
What if you suspect but they continually deny it?
The truth will comes out, they will make mistake or you could snoop. In either case, it is the time to check his complaint about you in M and start plan A and avoid LB at all cost.

-rh-

In my case, the first sign was my husband justifying a woman we had known for years divorcing her husband and walking out on her two year old son, by saying, 'Well, perhaps she wasn't in love with him.'

My husband never talked this way. He had always critisised women who walked out on their marriage just because they didn't 'feel' they were madly in love.

Other signs were numerous. He met his OW at a guitar class, and before he began his affair with her, he started taking her out for a drink afterwards, just the two of them. He told me he 'needed a friend', and when I expressed my concern, said there was nothing in it, there never would be, I was paranoid, was giving him a hard time etc - in other words, he showed the classic symptoms of a man about to embark on an affair (or already involved in one) - denial and blaming the wife.

Other signs - he started to gel his hair back rather than just wearing it flat whenever he went out; he used words I had never heard him use before, one of which was 'kiddies' instead of children - words she used. He went out a lot more. He often excuded an air of self-confidence - a kind of 'look at me, I'm so attractive that a woman nearly half my age is having an affair with me'. At times though, he used to get very morose, and hardly speak to me all day - I assume this was when he was actually making the decision to have sex with his OW - with whom he was already having an emotional affair.

Other signs are passwords put onto the computer, pornographic emails coming into your address by accident (men involved with OW often get into pornography at the same time - for instance, as well as the disgusting emails, I found a receipt for a book my husband had bought his OW called 'Red Hot Sex' - something he would never have bought in the previous twenty three years I knew him). Mobile phone statements showing lots of calls made to a number you don't know, or more likely, statements which your husband hides from you are another obvious sign - as is of course, him receiving lots of text messages and emails (espcially to a hidden address on AOL or Hotmail - my husband got a new address immediately calling himself 'hairyman' - obviously some 'private' and 'intimate' secret the adulterers share and known only to them).

A change in aftershave, new clothes etc are common, but this didn't happen with my husband. Presumably she liked him how he was!! And watch out for them sneaking up on you - my husband followed me to the car on several occasions because he had hidden presents he had bought her there, and didn't want me to find them.

Receipts showing things he has bought her, which he may forget to throw away from his wallet is another sign - in my case, I saw he had bought a pack of exotic cheeses - obviously to take to her house for a meal they were having together. Going out more often is common, as it working extra hours especially at night; and listening to romantic music even if they don't normally do that (my husband actually started singing along with the lyrics once - he had never sung in all our twenty years of marriage as he has an awful voice!)- is also a possibility. Taking up new interests, especially teenage type ones, such as risky sports - the reason for this is cheating husbands think they are teenagers again is also likely.

And perhaps the most obvious symptom is a change in lovemaking - either being more passionate, or much less. This latter happened in my husband's case - he has not, in fact, wanted to make love to me for eight months - since his affair began last summer.

All these are very common signs of an impending or current affair. You will find out for certain sometime if your husband is being unfaithful, and if he is, I worn you that no signs at all will prepare you for the devastation of the discovery. It is the most traumatic experience a woman could ever go through, and I am still suffering horribly some eight months later. If you aren't certain, and can possibly nip this in the bud and stop your husband by talking to him and warning him of what he is getting into then please do it! When I found out for certain about my husband's infidelity (by discovering a cheap and sordid text message on his mobile phone, telling his OW how he couldn't wait to have oral sex with her again because she tasted so good in his mouth), the real me died and I doubt if she will ever come back. Do everything in your power to prevent this from happening to you.

My very best wishes

Stilltrusting

I am not sure what he has done. All I know is I have seen some of what you all are talking about. I have been hurting bad, at times. We have had some bad quarrels. He seems to be coming around, but I just mistrust him. We have been married 15 years. He has done a lot to hurt me emotionally. He says he is sorry and we are attending marriage counseling. I just wish that I knew the truth behind some of the lonely times that I have spent, wondering just what he was up to. All I have are rumors and he once said, vindictively, "but you don't have any proof".

I have a temper something like the pressure cooker that your Mom used to make stews in. It is only hurting me more. I am religious and I know God has been with me on all of this. I just want to have everything set straight!

I think that he is trying to make this marriage work with me. He has expressed that he would even be willing to go for MB weekend. He seems to make miraculous changes. I also am working at it and know I have a way to go. How important is is that I know the truth about his past? Every time we have a disagreement it has to do with disrespect of each other. And my bad memories of what recent past and old past is. He fully denies my fears are valid, and disrespectfully. Do I need to get him to tell me to get through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WFLOWER:
<strong>How important is is that I know the truth about his past? ..... Do I need to get him to tell me to get through this.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As long as you are not feeling secure about him, this will always hunt you. Also as long as he feel not secure to share the past you could wait for ever.

This is my 2¢. Postpone this question for 6 months to 1 year and for now concentrate on 4 gifts of love, at the end on time frame, both of you revisit it again.

-rh-

<small>[ April 04, 2003, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>