|
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 58
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 58 |
I read much of what you all write. I don't have the stomach for all of it, but I have a deep appreciation for all your sincerity.<P>I posted for the first time last week and since then, I have pondered my own situation as I have read and even responded to some of your posts.<P>My question (as I gave it to professorg) is this: "Are we all so arrogant to believe that the paths we have chosen (marriages) were the right ones?" Are we so sure that we are doing God's will...or...living our destinies (whichever you believe) that we are willing to allow ourselves to be unhappy? Is our pride so great that we can't admit defeat? Is our guilt so strong that we cannot forgive ourselves? Is our love so strong that we would destroy our own souls to keep it alive? (Whoa...the last one is a doosey, isn't it?)<P>What in this world is worth the pain we suffer? Faith..? Sex...? Pride...? Love...?<P>Faith tells me that I am a child of God...loved and forgiven by the Blood FOREVER<P>Sex....please<P>Pride...I am willing to admit that I am imperfect. I am willing to admit that my current and previous marrige were impulsive mistakes. I am a failure....but not for long.<P>Love. Ah yes, the final test...love. What is it? Who knows? I know that I haven't received much of it. I know that I gave it all (at first). I know there is a feeling when you love someone, but better yet I know there are many things you can do to return that feeling and those things are called 'love' also. I know, when it is not returned (in the form of tangible acts) it (in the form of feeling) fades.<P>So what are the tangible forms of love? Respect, trust, understanding, honesty, affection, appreciation, kindness...all of it...all the good stuff. When you don't get them, your love bank runs dry. And you can no longer make deposits of your own.<P>Then what? Try and stick with it and make it work? How much time should we waste in this feeble endeavor? how much of our spouses happiness will we sacrifice? How much of our childrens' lives will we not witness due to fighting, resolving, arguing, forgiving and negotiating time and time again? How long will we deny our own happiness? How long will we cling to ancient values and try to reverse the flow of progression? How much do we need to be accepted in the eyes of society? How much do we need to feel right?<P>I say that there is a time when you should know, that the sacrifices you have made and the love you have given was all in vain. The truth should be told in an obliterating moment of the deepest honesty that "this marriage" isn't going to work. It is hard to do, but how many of us here have been divorced before? How many know the glory of giving up your pride..your need to be right and socially accepted?<P>In your meaningless and pointless sufferings, those of you who post here have convinced me that none of it is acceptable to me. I will not go gently into that goodnight. I have so much to live for, so much to experience, so much to teach my son. I cannot be hindered by a woman who didn't love me (in the tangible sense) and who by now has tried only minutely to apologize and to love me.<P>I will not accept that if I try hard enough, I may win the love of this woman who has drained me. It isn't worth my time.<P>And though I may sound angry, I feel free. Finally. Free to do what I should have done on the day of discovery...leave. I can give up my pride...I can forgive myself (because God has already forgiven)...I can accept defeat and admit failure. And I am okay.<P>And tomorrow I will be okay.<P>And my honesty will be appreciated sooner than later. I know it will.<P>My son will grow up having perhaps four happy parents instead of two miserable pathetic shells of people.<P>So, thank you to all of you!!<P>You have be an invaluable resource to me.<P>Do not dwell on the things of the past, but look toward your future.<P>------------------<BR>Hanging on by a Thread
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 3,247
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 3,247 |
I know it's a relief to have found the right way for you. We all have to do that in order to finally be happy.<P>Best of luck to you.<P>Lori
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 272
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 272 |
I think you have brought up some excellent points here. I have thought about what you've said so many times; when is enough too much?<P>Good luck to you, you've done so much to fight for your marriage, and there is only so much that can be done. You have shown your wife what she will most definitely be missing when she does wake up, and it is her that will be on the losing end, unfortunately. We all like to see reconciliations, but you can come away from this holding your head high. Take care, and God bless ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 483
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 483 |
Sorry I haven't noticed you before... I first came here for help and later to contribute to others, but when messy sometimes I just receive and don't give much.<P>You know what is right for you. Personally, I keep fighting because I know that things weren't working in our marriage, my W's affair is a consequence and not the reason for our problems. I love her, I know she loves me and we've always been best friends. However your profile and your post doesn't show an interest in making things work; lack of interest? Lack of love? Are there any right answers?<P>About the child being your biological son or not it's easy to find out with a DNA test. What will be more important for him though is if you love him as your own. If you do forget the test and be his father with all the consequences.<P>You feel free with your decision so it is the right one, no doubt about it: marriage is a two-way street, it requires teamwork and courage. In my opinion a good relationship must have mutual TRUST, AFFECTION (in a friendship) or LOVE, AND RESPECT; after these you can add as many as you may need or want.<P>Wishing you and your son the best,<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 58
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 58 |
Just wanted to wish anyone new who reads this the very best Christmas. Hang in there everyone. God's plan isn't always clear in 'our' time, but things are always beautiful in His.<P>------------------<BR>Hanging on by a Thread
|
|
|
0 members (),
725
guests, and
68
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,518
Members72,026
|
Most Online6,102 Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|