hi everyone i'm new here. my husband has been having what i found out is called a emotional affair with his boss. she is reccently divorced and is in her early 50's and he is 35. we have been married for 10 yrs. this has been going on for 5 mths and he refused to give her up. we have gone to marriage counseling and doesn't seem to have done any good because he doesn't want to work on the marriage. he moved out of our house the first of this mth. it ripped me apart. he doesn't seem to care what this is doing to me. our childern are not dealing with this very well. i want to save my marriage, how do i go about winning my husband back from this other woman?

Our stories are very, very similar and I know how you and your children are feeling. Although I am far from being "out of the woods" with grief, anger, resentment, etc., the very best advice that I have finally acted upon....I sought the help of a professional. While my last week was hell, this week was, believe it or not, just a tad bit better. I haven't cried for H once...oh, yes, I'm still furious, but I haven't cried. Although I am not entirely sure (but I have my suspicions), my H is still in touch or living with the OW. My advice, as the counselor also supported, is to let him go to Fantasyland and live it out. Once reality strikes, well, you'll know, because he'll come back. Unfortunately, I too was gutted, ranted, raved, threatened and used my children as tools to bring him back, however, he will not come back until he is ready. And believe it or not, when he is ready, whenever it may be, you may not and that is the DANGEROUS GAME he is playing. While it desperately hurts (and I mean, even after 6 months for me, I still ask myself how and why), but you know what...take care of YOU and YOUR CHILDREN, as they are the most important now. While, as fresh to the betrayal, it does not seem that way, you will survive...trust me. Pray, keep yourself healthy and remember, he is lacking and missing something in his LIFE, and you are not to blame....trust me....all will work out.

i think you are probably right. this has been going on for 5 mths. he says he is in love with her, but truthfully i find that hard to believe. i know he will get tired of coming home to a empty apartment and two dogs. he will get tired of calling every night to tell his kids good night. i'm trying to keep my chin up and believe that it will all work out in the end.

Ashley, when was dday? How did you find out he was having an E? Does your H's and OW's place of employment know they are having an A? Most employers don't allow this.

Have you read Surviving an Affair yet? If not please go out and buy it as soon as you can...I read it in 1 day...I was so desparate to learn more.

Has your H said why he had the A? Is he still involved with OW? Does anyone in your family or group of friends know? How would he feel if they did know....anyone he respects who could talk to him? How old are your kids? Do they know why daddy is gone?

If you've read this site thouroughly you are probably becoming familiar with the term "fog"...that is what your H is in now.

He will need help coming out of it. SAA will help you with that. I would also call one of the Harley's and set up an appointment for yourself right now. They will help you put a plan in place.

Has your H stated what his long term intentions are?

Might one to try the "in recovery board" for suggestions on how to make it through this awful experience.

Best Wishes!

lol dday i would have to say it was nov.19th that;s when he told me he no longer loved me and wanted a divorce and yes he has continued to see this woman and no nobody at work knows. i don't paticualy want to mess with his job. but i have been thinking over and over that some one needs to know, yes his family knows and they have all tried to talk to him but he won't listen. he has taken our oldest over to her house to work on the car and son said daddy kissed her. my boys are 7 5 and 3. they think it's fun going to daddies new apartment. to them it's just something new and exciting