I am new at this so bear with me...I have been married for 4 years but i have known my Husband for 12. I found out Last year that my "husband" was having an affair with a younger female co worker..That was April 2002. We had just had a baby and she was only 4months at the time.... He told me he would end it and try to resolve the marriage and although difficult at first, there seemed to be progress...well i found out in December 2002 that he was lying and still seeing the girl...since then I have moved out...and only recently moved back in because he had agreed to go for counseling....we have had 4 sessions so far and although he seems to be trying i can not help but feel fear about this situation....I do not trust him and even though he said it is over and is activly seeking a new job...i still do not trust anything he says and i live in constant fear and dread that i am making a mistake even trying again...the mental anguish i feel and the constant tourment of knowing that he was in love with someone else is destroying me...

Somedays are good but i wake up every morning with this sense of dread and i can't seem to move beyound this point.....I don't want to be made a fool of again and i don't know if he understands what he has done....We have known each other from we were teenagers and have been dating him from i was 16 and he was 19......I want to try to save my marriage but somedays i feel like i am never going to escape this madness......does the hurting ever stop...it feels like a tape that replays in my mind every day from i wake up....when does the healing begin?

Hi Butterfly_kisses,

The healing begins when you start taking care of yourself. The pain although diminishes in time is always there but it does get easier, I promise. The trust will also one day believe it or not come back, maybe not the way you once did but you will learn to trust him again if he does make an effort to prove to you that he wants to be with you.

It is not uncommon to have more than one D-Day, I have read many posts where there have been multiple D-days. In my case there has been two. And I like you was afraid of making a fool of myself again.

The fear you are feeling is normal, we have all felt it, your H shattered something that you believed in. I used to say it was easier to deal with a death than an A. The hurt will go away but you have to work on yourself as well. Do you go to IC? If you don't, maybe it's something you can look into.

butterfly-kisses, so sorry for your pain. I agree with everything hearbroken said. I am 2yrs d-day and it does get better. Do you take an antidepressant? It can help especially to get over the crisis of emotions that you go through. It can help to make you feel stronger and to work on yourself. I mean to take time to do things for yourself, to enjoy being with a good friend, to enjoy life again just being you. I finally got to the place that I could separate my "being" from my spouses being to enjoy life once again. You sound like you have some depression and that is normal in these cases. I know you're busy with a baby, but still take time out for yourself. Trust does come back, but ws have to earn it back. We can't just blindly trust again. Hugs to you.