I found our cell phone bill and it has a detailed listing of his calls. He called her 362 times in 60 days. That's 6 + calls on average per day. Instead of fighting, I met with our marriage counselor and I asked her how I could show him. He was out at a dinner meeting and he called on his way home. I told him I had a surprise for him upstairs. Then I put a note on the backdoor to go upstairs and look on his pillow. (I had him move upstairs after I found out about his affair) That evening I wrote him a letter about the cell phone bill, my feelings and etc. and placed it on top of the bill. He didn't come downstairs and it was bedtime. So I went to the kitchen to let the dogs out and our home phone rang. He was crying and told me he needed to think so we agreed he should be upstairs. In this letter, I told him that he needed to decide on his own to break it off. The deal breaker was that if he couldn't, we would no longer exist as a couple.

This following morning he called me and asked how my morning was...I told him everything was fine. He sounded tense.

Then I got another call from him about 2 hours later and he told me he called her and ended it. He sounded like a completely different person. No more stress.

The deal is, I am trying to re-gain my trust for him. He is finally leaving his cell phone in the open and is very attentive. My "gut" is telling me things are on the mend and we are seeing the marriage counselor weekly.

I was wondering if marriages can withstand the battle scars? My feelings of trust are returning....slowly. Has anyone here found light at the end of the dark tunnel?
ESZ

Yes! There are several here who have walked through that dark, dark tunnel and felt the warmth of the light at the end. (Altho, many tend to stop posting here, sadly.)

While the scars remain and I believe will always be there, they can become "badges of honor". They prove to ourselves what we are capable of in great forgivness, in love, and in strengthening our bonds to each other. They show our courage in the face of fear, our bravery in overcoming confusion and anger and sorrow. And just as in many cases, we discover that "scar tissue" becomes stronger then the "tissue" of the past, as it has stood the test upon which it was gained.

Good Luck on your continued journey towards healing.

Yes, you can rebuild ever stronger and better then before. Check out the "in recovery" board for more success stories.

Thank you both for replying! We are going to our 2nd marriage counseling meeting tonight. I really love him and feel my heart mending - slowly. I just am alittle apprehensive after all the hurt. This site has been my strength and I mentioned it in our last counseling session.

The counselor feels that he may have had an emotional affair after I showed her the phone bills. I still want him to get a STD test. He has committed to doing one.

Thanks to all of you who post, I know that he is going through some withdrawls. Last night the his cell phone rang and it was 9:20pm. He looked at me and said that it was probably her. He brought me with him to check it and it was a number he didn't recognize. The message sounded like her and she was in a bar and said only one word, "F&@k!". He smiled and took my hand and we went upstairs to finish our movie. He held me really tight and I didn't bring the call up.

I want to meet his emotional needs and pray we can make it. This situation has made me so much stronger and has brought out my independence. I see life so much more brighter - partly because of the "A to Z" method....Angels & Zoloft.

I pray for all of you and know that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
EZS

Congratulations, you have graduated from just finding out to being in recovery. It is amazing that your H is coming out of the fog on his own. It sounds like a lot of it has to do with your positive attitude. Most of us Love Buster our mates to almost death. Your no-nonsense approach is gentle and reached him. If OP did not want to end the A expect some more badgering. It will only make you and H grow closer. And drive home how selfish and awful your H has been. Stephanie