I am not sure where to start. My husband and I have been married 4 years 04/03/03. We met through a mutual friend, so we knew somethings about each other. He had been married and divorced 3 times - and had been in and out of relationships the last 10 years. I was ending my second marriage after 22 years - he left me for a girlfriend from 5 years before we met. There is a pattern!
When I met my present husband, he had just ended a relationship with a woman he never loved, it was convenient for both of them. The woman before that - he was engaged to, they had been together for 5 years and she broke it off abruptly without explaining anything. And she also stole from him.
We have had several heated agruments over his feelings for KAK. He had made statements that if they had married things would have been good. After, feeling total unloved and used (I have a trust - that supports us) I told him to go find KAK and get his answers, and then if he wanted to - to come back but to be honest with me.
Last August, he saw her by accident or intentional I do not know. When he came home from where I knew she lived. He told me he went to see her parents. I asked if he saw her. He said NO. 03/21/03 he was on my computer and left his private email up - I saw a letter to KAK. She emailed him on the Monday following the trip, told him how much she had missed him and wanted to know if he missed her. He wrote back telling her in a word yes. That at first there was trepidation - then warm familarity. He told her that our income (mine)made outside employed not needed. He told her about our grandson (mine - that we adopted 03/12/03; without me knowing he had seen and emailed KAK). And the last obstale was his family being here and older. But for her not to be discouraged. The next email was from her telling him that she wanted to sleep with him and him with her if it had been a better time. And that she did not have the money but when he had feelings for her - that could be worked out. That she knew he cared for her.
After that he sent a few short emails telling her not to panic. Then he sent one (09/05/02) - not wanting to hurt her, but there was not a chance for things to go further now or in the foreseeable future. But if he saw her he would welcome the chance to visit a dear friend.
I feel destored, unloved, and betrayed. I do not know whether to try and trust him or what. I do love him and he is a great dad and father to our son (we both adopted him)

Well...it sounds as if he was definetly flirting with the idea of having an affair, but it also sounds as if he might have come to his senses on his own. There are times when we look back at our own past and wonder if we made a mistake...it sounds as if he did this with this woman long before he actually saw her.

And just maybe, in the beginning back in August he met her again and inside the fantasy he had built in his mind, he was tempted...but as the emails went back and forth, he realized that the reality of her was not the fantasy he'd created...and he then started backpeddling. (9/5/02)

While I know the lies have hurt you deeply, the fact that he may now see her in reality, instead of the fantasy he had created, may make your marriage better. Old ghosts can be very hard to get rid of, when they stay ghosts....sounds like he's ready to live in the real world, not the fantasy of what might have been.

I would inform him however, if you haven't, that you know all of this and that you will not accept his dishonesty. You want a marriage built on truth and respect and love and will settle for nothing else....plus...he is never to see or contact this "dear friend" ever again!

Good Luck!

Thank you so much for your reply. I had not thought of it as a "GHOST being Exorcised". I really appreciate you taking time to reply. And I am open for all suggestions, I want every much for this to work - I do love him.
Thanks