I just found out a week ago that my husband had an affair at work. He told me himself. He said it was over and he wanted out of it. It was like he was in a web and couldn't get out.
It felt like my legs were cut off and I had to crawl. I am crying and am mad but I love him and want him to stay with us. We have two sons 4y and 7y.
I feel numb somedays, somedays I think we will get through this and somedays I think I will never trust him again. The first affair happend when we were married for 7 years and we are going for 18 this year. I don't think there were others.
He doesn't know why he does it - he thinks there is something in his personality that draws him to these women in unhappy marriages, they need his care and attention. But what about me!!! I have no family of my own - they all passed away in the last 10 years. I love him more than life itselfs. Even he says he does not know what I could have done to prevent this.
He is working with this women - he has to see her everday. I forbade him to talk to her - I am seeing a counsillar but he does not want to - al least not now he says.I am sorry for rambling on - English is not my first language.

I am fine when he is with us - but the moment he leaves to go to work I am seeing pictures of them in my head. I know he called her from his office every day - can I believe him that he is not anymore.
I am sorry this is so long.
Must I force him into counselling with me?
Thank you

try to get your H. to go to marriage counseling if not you keep going or even if he will go to counseling for himself. just keep reading M/B. you will get a lot of good advice. we all need to lean on each other. it really does make a difference, your not alone hang in there and keep posting. good luck to you! de

The path to recovery is narrow, and the two of you did not take it after his first affair, which is why you are here now. Counseling is usually necessary. But, you can never force anyone to do anything, so don't try. You can negotiate, but don't force. To find out how to get through this, click on the link in my signature line.

<small>[ June 01, 2003, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: johnh39 ]</small>

Dear Louize,

Tell him to do the test in my signature line and then read about his personality type. Maybe it is a dark side of his personality, but that is no excuse for what he has done to you. He needs counseling, but Johnh39 is right, you can't force it on him. I did tell my H that if he wanted to stay with me then he would have to be in counseling until I decided he was done. That's pretty harsh, but if you read my signature line you'll see why! We didn't recover right the first time either so don't feel bad about that. You do have to take the right steps this time though. Read everything in Johnh39's signature line. It's what has put us in to an excellent recovery.

Blessings...I'm sorry for your pain! I know that you are hurting terribly right now.

Stillwed