Hi, I am no stranger to this. I lived through the same thing for 2 years. I feel that you are allowing him to do the things he does.You have to take charge of this affair, make it either you or her. Remember that he is not the only man in the world and if he will not honor your marriage even after all the understanding that you have shown him, then it maybe time to say I hope life is better with the exotic dancer. I almost feel sorry for him, most women that work in this type of enviroment have very loose morals and as we all know this is a receipe for weak relationships that are short term with no true substance.

Thank Littleg,

If you dont mind could you share your story with me. I dont know if you have read my entire thread or at least my posts. If you dont mind I would like to know what your situation is/was like.

Hi Everyone,

Last week wasnt too bad..but the weekend was terrible. In the sense I was a total wreck. I guess sometimes as everyone know its becomes too much. But the past 2 days I have been much better.

H and I promised each other to be totally open and honest with each other. We have been doing this for about a month now no matter how painful it is. I have been trying to keep my emotions intact because when I do I feel H feels safe and in turn is able to talk to me better about the whole situation. We had a long conversation on Fri. nite and then again on Sat. morning. Both times I was able to talk without my emotions getting in the way. But after we were done talking on Sat. I kinda lost it. Anyway, I need some opinions on some of the things H said to me.

First, you must know he is still in contact with OW. I know he talks to her everyday probably at least 4-5 times. He tells me so..even though it hurts like h#@$ this is the way we want it. We do not want any lies between us any more. H swears to me there has been no physical contact in a while. I believe him..dont ask me why but I do. I asked him how he would react if I filed for divorce tommorrow? He said "I would fully understand." I said is that it, you would be willing to just let me walk away. He said "no." We then talked about alot of different things including pre-A issues, and I feel we are starting to communicate these feelings alot better. H even said to me "the past couple of months I have gotten so much more from you in the way of your feelings, and that is a good thing." "I think in the past couple of months since I have told you about A, I am thinking I dont want to lose everything we have." Okay any thoughts?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I said okay so why cant you even try to NC with OW? H tells me they both love each other. She has a ex who is still involved in life quite a bit. They have a child together. My H tells me its a bad situation. H feels he cant stop contact because of this situation. I told him it was not his problem. He said he knew that but OW tells him how safe, secure and how when he is around everything will be okay. I guess my H is feeding off of this. Its pretty funny because that is what I always told my H. In the face of many problems I knew he could help me and make it better. Is it possible he feels he makes her feel better than he can make me feel? Does he feel there is a mission there? Once again any thoughts.

H is in IC for about 9 weeks now and we have decided to go to a MC together to work on couple stuff. We have an appt, this Fri. H also told me "I was his wife and he doesnt know how he could do this to me." He also went on to say he "did not feel he could change the situation until someone was able to tell him HOW and WHY he could do this to his wife." I said what if we never fully find out HOW and WHY, what happens then? H said he didnt know. I asked him what was so important that she has to call you all day long? H said to me "Its to point like she calls me to tell me she went to bathroom." Its like talking to my friend P%*@ (left name out to protect id) you know bulls@#t." I guess this is his way of trying to explain the contents of their conversations of late.

I have been calling H while he is working a lot more these days..just like I used to and he has started to call me while working just like he used to. I guess basically I am looking for opinions on the way the situation is right now..positive or negative. I guess I need someone from the outside looking in. As everyone knows it so hard to process info when you are involved.

As far as I am doing, I know the situation can not continue this way, but I have many doubts about what to do, therefore I do not want to make any decisions. I have always been told if there are any doubts in heart and mind to sit tight for a while. Thanks for listening

HI again , and I am going to start off by saying I am sorry if I repeat some of my advice to you but am .

I am in this very same situation, well correction My H will not go to IC or MC .

With that said, you maybe ahead of the game .

I can not tell you my hole story it is VERY long and still very much going on . (I am not proud of that either)

I do not take all advice given so this is jmho to you as one who has walked this road and is still walking in it .

I have said, do not make any decisions till you are ready (meaning D OR even full plan B )

I can tell you no matter haw much honesty you think you have you will dought it more and more questions will get worse to him about OW .

THE explanations will be so stupid you won't be able to handle them they will sound more to you as excuses NOT explainations .

YOU are his wife , the only one he should be "KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR TO IS YOU"

NO reason other wise . does OW know about you ? KNOW he lives at home? Know he is working on things?

I am telling you starting out strog to tolerate alot of "HONESTY " that will rip you apart no matter how string you think you are .

WHY? cause it is someone you love , and you are sharing him . SO SORRY if this hurts again I know cause I am in it .
I know the feeling thinking I can do anything, work through anything for H and M .

BUT YOU will loose your self to there A if you stay in this with contact in your face .

I can say I know telling him to get out hurts like hell I did it the first time and I thought I would go crazy . THAT period in my life was nothing compared to the pain I am in now having the A in my world evry min. of every day .

I am not saying give up M or working on it , but do it with him OUT .(JMVHO)

HE needs to own this A it is his IF he LOVES HER then let him go play house . Reality will set in , let him see and feel the lose of YOU .

If you feel you can do this for awile go ahead , but out of concern to know the pain you WILL go through DO NOT DO IT FOR LONG .

Have a dead line a couple of more weeks .

Go over and read my thread in GQ if you have some time , It may give you insight into what may happen if you let him stay & he has CONTACT .

HE will FENCE SIT & BECOME a CAKE EATER .

He will think as long as he is honest witch is what you asked for then he can have both worlds for however long it takes HIM to make a choice .

My H told me the first time he was in love and he even moved in with her and her child . THIS I thouhgt was the worst pain ever . NOW I know the worst . I douhgt myself every day , I am more confused , I am angry and I don't know from day to day what TRUETH even is .

HE LOVES ME , He wants me , I am his world , BUT OW NEEDS him to make her problems go away he is her savoir . I have heard it all , He feels guilty for what He did to her , pity for her life is so bad ( XH and single mom )

IT sucks it is not fair to who ME >

You sound so level headed right now , and IF you are then I am happy that you can keep that state of mind but LB 'ing here and there will start to become all the time .

It will get harder to control YOU are human and the only thing that will go throuh your mind after awhile is why can't he see my pain ? WHY does he run for her not me? I AM HIS WIFE .

THIS might not be what you want or need to here but I feel I have to let you know this can happen , He may not SNAP out of FOG like this , by communicating with you about his ever thing with OW It may just make him secure to know he really does not need to make any life altering decicions he can remain a SELFISH child while you go through he!! .
You will be enabling this A .

GIVING him all the freedom to choose to continue his disrespectful act to you .

I am not saying it will happen like that . I hope with all the understanding and IC and MC that this will work out the way you want and you never have to separate .

BUT PLEASE look out for YOU and YOUR mental state of mind . I am not the best with expresing myself maybe some one else will give you better advice or insight .

I just felt I needed to share this with you .

Please take care of you and step back and observe him , step back from this A and really look at what is being said and done don't react just see with open eyes and then you will know what to do .
What is best and healthest for you .

I am in GQ (3isacrowd )I posted here when I first came on post are long but if you have the time you may see the simalar things that happened in the beging and the mistakes I made .
Sometimes you can read someone elses and see there what you think you would do .

TAKE CARE OF YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3,

I dont want you to think I have not heard a thing you have said. Believe I have and I really appreciate YOUR insight and honesty. I also would like to tell you how sorry I am that you are also going through a very similar situation. The pain, agony, humilation and disrespect I feel everyday..I would not wish on my worst enemy.

I have never been so torn or confused about anything in my life as I am with this situation. It has gotten so confusing to me the past week or so. I think I need to tell H exactly what I am feeling. I thought I have been telling him but like you said I been banging my head against a wall. I think I need to tell him how banging my head against the wall feels like. Something has to give here and I feel as though right now I am the only one in this triangle that can change the situation. Well at least my own situation.

Like I said, we have been communicating much better the past month or so and we both realize it. This is a good feeling. I believe H wants to work on M, but on different terms. Obviously I want total NC and he doesnt. How can he put all his energies into M when he lives this double life?? I think I must start preparing myself and my family for a seperation. Like you said I am living their A. I am not the cheater so I guess its time to start acting like I am not the cheater but the betrayed.

LISA, I can't tell you in words how much of your pain I truely feel , just know I do .

Banging your head against the wall , Yes the bumps hurt LOL .

In the beging I noticed a pattern you may be interested in .

HE will communicate more and show you the side of his PAIN , that will confuse you, cause when in love with some one you do NOT want THEM to hurt .

What you said , about being the one to make the decisions to stop the pain , yes that is what I am saying .

Niether one of them in there own A wants to make a move making YOU feel that YOUR really the one in charge , and that is what is scary because you are . BUT fear is a factor , I am SURE you feel that If I let him go is that the right thing will he think I gave up on M ? IF I let him go will OW be the "WNNIER " , Why should I make the decision for them ?

ALL that you will be faced with is unfair , to YOU I know that , BUT have faith that the same thing that is unfair now may SAVE your sanity in the long run .

THE kinder he is in the beging of this , belive me will frustrate you in the long run and thats useally where the LB start .

MY PRAYS FOR YOU AND YOUR M .

Dear Lisa0705,

I'm new here so please disregard my questions if they are inappropriate. One is about the IMs that you have seen from the OW. Are you able to respond to them yourself? I know we aren't supposed to dwell on the A itself, but I have found it hard myself not to look for information.

The OG involved with my H has actually done a screen save on her chats with my H and then sent the files to me. She does this I think as if to say, look see he doesn't love you, you two should break up. Funny thing is that I have read through them and found things that help me on Plan A. For example, H complained to her about something I did in ref. to the kids. He'd never told me that himself, so I had that to work on. (And I think it has helped. Also, I haven't been dishonest about the info, he know she's sent me the stuff.)

Also, it does sound like your H's OW is making herself less attractive to him by being so demanding. Maybe she's digging her own grave; the grave for the A. Question would be then how to help H avoid another OW. (The OG with my H actually curses at him in e-mails, the only way she gets them trhough to his work is by using #$%@ symbols to avoid the profanity block. It makes one wonder why our Hs tolerate that. I wouldn't curse like that at my H, even now.)

Last Question: Is there any way at all possible that you and H could take a weekend away together? Yes, with little ones, especially, and having 5, it might be hard to get the time/money. I'm told that the re-kindling thing can help if you can avoid discussing the A. (Maybe he could "lose" his cell phone while you're there too -- peferably a remote location with no other phones. Could it help break her hold on him? Could it help his addiction to the A?)

I totally feel for you and what you are going through. (We also are sort of a blended family, two from my prev. M and two together.) It can feel like our last chance to make it work. Although your H is in what they refer to as the "fog," he still seems to have a lot of love for you and your life together. The days with little ones can be so demanding on all of us -- I totally get that part of what your days are like too. I pray that your M will survive and grow stronger.

Maybe some of those in the know will have some input along these lines...2 cents

3,

Once agian thank you very much, I really would like to talk to you one on one..maybe we can?? You are right..everytime I think I have come to a decision..H seems to make me doubt it by the way he is acting. Like I said in many of my earlier post they still talk everyday several times. As far as physical contact..I asked him again Monday night and he said "NO" immediately. When he was sleeping with her and I would ask he couldnt answer me he would just put his head down. So I know he had slept with her.

3 give me your honest opinion, does it sound like to you this could be close to running its course?? I want to believe so and if that is the case I think I may be able to hang in there alittle longer. I have even gone as far as to tell my H I can deal with his feelings for OW but I could not deal with continued contact. As far as I can figure I believe he has not seen her since last Thursday night. I guess we'll see if he comes home tonight. Things between us this week have been good, but they still talk. Anyway, before he went back to work this afternoon, I told him I had to talk to him about our business and our life. He got a very pained look on his face and said "what what". I said we'll talk later. I think I am going to set up those boundaries.

Let me know if you want to talk!!

L

Jessme,

Thanks for the response..it is appreciated. The one and only IM I saw was while they were talking to each other. I was sitting right there. That was the one were she was quite b*&^$y. I think you read that in my previous post. I wanted to say HI to her but H just looked at me when I asked. I know her screen name so whenever I am online I check to see if she is. I may just have to IM her one of these days.

We both have been saying it would be nice to get away but like you said it is so hard. We have 5 kids and our own business, and our business has been struggling of late. So I think our getaway will have to wait.

Jess, are you also in a similiar situation right now? If you are I would be very interested in your story if you feel like sharing.

Talk to you soon

L

I would consider a plan B. Your husband is getting his cake and eating it to. Your marriage will go nowhere until he cuts off contact. Going to a plan B would do 2 things. 1 - save your feeling for him by not taking this daily punishment knowing he is still seeing her. 2 - Give him a chance to see that he could lose you and what life would be like without you. You need to draw the line in the sand and let him make his decision. He needs to see that he can lose you!!!! Why should he stop seeing her if you are letting it continue.

This is a little harsh, but contact must stop!!!!

Hi , sorry I didn't see your post , I have been really messed up these past couple of days .

Lisa I will post my E-mail in a couple of days , I useally do not give it out , my H has spy $hit on my PC so I don't talk to anyone indivdually on my e-mail .

I want to start out by telling you , I have made very poor choices myself and do not want to give some one any advice that may harm there situation .

I am soory if I wrote to much that may have caused you any confusion .

I am a firm beliver that every ones WS is DIFFERENT and only you as his W know him best .

JMVHO , I think I understand your confusion , wanting to hang on , he is showing signs of love for you and is doing some work , IC, MC, and some honesty . He is staying and says he wants to work on M .

DO I see it coming to a end ? I can't answer that . I wish to GOD I could .

SOme here have told you PLAN B , well I am only going to confuse you , I think PLAN B BUT>>>>>>>

DO YOU feel your ready ? DID you do PLAN A , have worked on you ?

You see my concern for you is not to fall into what I did . YOU found a great place to be (MB)

THESE principals if applied have good success.
I belive that with all that he may be doing PLAN A , a good soild PLAN A will help .

IF it does not and you know you can not function with him in contact then YES PLAN B must start .

Some one here said,about going PLAN B it is to preserve the love you have left , YES that is the trueth .

THE longer I went on and am still going I can see I will not care anymore , and what happens is that if HE goes N/C I may not have any energy to work or care to work on this M .

I know sounds crazy , but the disrespect and the lies and the dought just start to take a toll on you .

LETS talk a minute about somethings I might have missed .

What does OW know about YOU ? DOES OW know you and H are still together ? Does OW know he is telling you he wants to stay? Does she know that he is telling you everything ?

WHAT and WHO in family knows FRIENDS ?

ARE you reading other peoples posts ? I find sometimes this to be very helpful, there insight the advice they recieve and the princepals applied and what time frame in witch they did it . Also what there turning points where .

AND how are the kids ? AND how are you with them ? DAY to DAY with children I found this to be the most stressful . I love my KIDS , BUT I never thought I could feel so much resent meant to them .I am not proud of the part in my life , but honest about , I know now it was not them It was him . I felt vey TRAPED and that made me LB more on him , I mean while he is playing with OW I am home workingmy BUTT off raiseing our kids something WE were suppose to do together.

He has the right to freedom and to run from responsiablity and I can't . These are the things that strated to fuel my anger . I am in pain and want to run and I can't because I am an adult , I had to learn to make that a positive by saying , being an adult is OK , WS is a child .

I am here if you want to talk, vent , cry anything , I am sure there are VETS here that will give there opion to you that are much more successful with MB then I .

I can share my experiance with you and only let you know that this A in your face is like experiancing watching someone DIE a very slow and pain ful DEATH . (JMO)

PLEASE post and go to MC and IC .

STAY focused on a plan A and stick to it .

DO NOT ASK ABOUT OW , avoid R talk for alittle while . If you can for some more time make it about YOU and HIM .

Lisa

You are right that there is no real marriage building that can go on until the affair ends. He will not allow you to meet his EN’s until then.

I agree with RedHat, You are enabling the affair. Now that you know of the affair, what has your husband lost? Nothing.. he has you and the OW. He has no fear of loosing you. Why would he end the affair? You have to give him a very strong reason to.. he is going to loose you and his children if he continues his affair.

Plan A has a huge downside, after a while the WS starts to see it as a life style. He has you and the OW with neither of you making him take a stand. What a lucky guy. How long are you going to permit this to go on? It seems to me that your situation has become very comfortable to your husband, he’s learning how to give each of just enough to keep you both around. Since he’s made no move to end his affair, I’m not sure things are getting better as you think they are.. you are just getting used to living with a husband who has a mistress. You are learning to accept the situation one day at a time.

You cannot make him stop seeing her. But you can draw your line in the sand and then back it up. Tell him clearly what you want/need. Do not have relationship talks with him.. there I no relationship building until he has ended the affair. Please read the link in my signature block about Plan A and Doormats. It explains in a lot of detail the steps to take.

As long as he is still sleeping with her, you really should not be sexually active with him. You have no idea who this woman has been sexual with.. you have no idea if she has STD’s. Your children are on the verge of loosing their father. You may be their main parent in the future.. what would happen to them if you catch an STD that could take your life? Please see a physician as soon as possible to have an STD test.

As for your having contact with the OW. This is not a contest between you and the OW even if it feels like it is. You are the mother of his children and his legitimate wife. You are also a much better person than she is.. any woman who would try to steal a man away from his family is not a very good person and has huge self esteem problems. The only contact you should have with her is one conversation to remind her that she is interfering with a marriage, that your husband is still with you out of his own choice and to ask her to back off. After that treat her with was much respect as she deserves.. NONE. Do that by ignoring her in every way. The issues are between you and your husband. Not you and her.. she is nothing to you.

Do not mention her to your husband. Every time you do, you drive them closer together. It’s the old Romeo and Juliet thing. Them against the world. Take the wind out of their little fantasy as much as you can.

Have you considered counseling with Dr. Harley? I really think that you’d gain a lot from even one session. At this point I’d suggest that you have the first one by yourself.. if there is any way you could swing it.

LISA , check in soon and have a happy mothers day!

THINKING OF YOU , Spoory I have not much I can pffer things for me are alittle , well very $hitty !!

HOPE ALL is ok , as it can be in this situation .

YOU are recieving good advice here , read as much as possiable and don't be bothered with him and OW for awhile take tome to think on your own .

3,

Happy Mothers Day to you too. Thanks.
Real quick I just wanted to let you know that you did not add to my confusion in any way. I have been lying low the past couple of days and doing alot of thinking..fill you in on the events of the past few days. Sorry to hear about your days. I am hear if you need to vent!! Talk to you soon.

L

HOPE all your thinking has not sent you in to over load LOL

SOME times when you get inside your own head during these times its scarey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

JUST joking around , I really hope you are ok .

TAKING things slow , and easy and well switch the ride , after awhile rollercaosters make you sick .

A nice time in the row baot , or land of make belive .

BE well give an update , thinking of you .

3,

Hi, how are you doing? Last Wednesday, my H told me he was going away with his friend to play paintball..he was leaving Friday nite and coming home Sun morn. Well needless to say I did not believe him at all. I ask him so many times and he told me that was what he was doing. Well when he came home on Sunday he told me he was with OW all weekend at a wedding. I just lost it and told him to get his things and leave. Basically the whole afternoon I trashed him like you couldnt believe. I know I am not suppose to, but he deserved it and so much more. I basically left about 6:00pm because I couldnt stand to be in the house anymore. Went and saw an old friend I had not talked to in about 6years. I was a little tipsy when I came home and so was H..he had a few drinks while I was gone. It is so strange I can be so mad at him and cant believe what he is doing to me, but if I get away and come back its so different. It becomes much easier to talk to him. He told me that he basically removed himself from me this weekend and really had a hard time on Sat. because that is a day when he is home all day with me and the kids. He said he missed me all weekend. It is so hard to believe anything his says to me.

I also did something else Sun night that I said I wasnt going to do. I called the OW. I did not threaten or anything like that. I nicely told her that she was interferring with my marriage and that my H was still with me by choice. I also asked her how she could cheat with a married man when she herself was cheated on. I told her to take a good hard look in the mirror. She proceeded to tell me all kind of awful things my H had said about me to her. She basically told me she couldnt understand why I was still with him. I told her my M and my life with him was worth fighting for. I also told her we were going to a MC together and she seemed surprised at that but she pretended to know that already.

After I hung up with her I lost it on my H again, he couldnt believe she would say those things to me and told me everything was taken out of context. So obviously lots of things were said. He called her today and asked her for an explaination. H told me she did not want to be in this situation anymore. H told me she was under the impression that we were fighting all the time and not getting along. He said that was his fault, he must had given her that impression. My H then told me he felt like a 10 year old child, because of what I did. I guess because I basically ended his relationship with OW. He said he would rather it had come from his heart. I really dont think I ended it because of two reasons: Maybe she realized things were not as he said and if he really feels about her the way he says I am sure they are going to see each other again. I asked him if he resented me and he said no. I really dont know what is going to happen next I am taking it day by day. Our first appt with MC is this Friday. We'll see. Talk to you soon. I'll tell you more after your response

L

LISA , I really don't know what to say I feel as if I am in a time machine .

I called OW , the first time as well , I was not as calm as you at first , but it gave me insight to know how much WS lied to her and to me .

HE basicly made me out to be some one I was totally not , (THE very oppisite of me at all )

I know it felt alittle better in away , I also think you need a couple of more days to take in eveything that was said, .

THIS MC could be just what you guys need , if he opens up and doesn't feel like he is going to get beat up but understood you may stand a chance of getting some real honesty .

JMVHO , I think alot of all of this has to do with total honesty .

THE thought that WS thinks that if they tell the trueth they will be taken the wrong way , or no one will understand or they will be judged .

MAYBE its true BS may give off that , because of all the hurt we are going through and they honestly think that if the lie it will hurt less cause of the guilt they caused us .

I don't know , all I know is every one is difference and every BS is to .

ME I want honesty , IF your in love with some one else let me know I am ok with it I will nmove on in a blink of an eye just get out of my face .

This fence sitting crap and cake eating is for $hit , THIS is the part that will freak you out .

GO to MC for awhile then really sit down and think about this weather to continue with him at home if CONTACT continues .

I don't want to depress you , but give it a couple of days they will contact again .

BE very careful to protect your feelings .
PLAN A as best you can , and don't fall into this trap of getting into there A .

THE yelling the screaming your the only one getting hurt by it .

Lisa can you have a session with the Harley's? They are in best posistion to help put a plan in place...who knows infidelity better then them. They helped my FWH and I a lot.

You can not keep doing this...you need a plan...you are enabling him...he doesn't believe what you say anymore either...because you don't follow through.

Your H needs IC as well as MC!

I had stopped posting to you because you seem to ignore what I say but after reading this post I couldn't help myself. I feel so bad for you and even frustrated for you!

If you H says it's over now...have him do a NC letter. Has your H been on this site? Have you printed anything out for him? Has he or you read any of the books (SAA, Torn Asunder, Not Just Friends, etc)? If not do so.

Best Wishes!

Forever,

I have not ignored your posts to me..I have had so many doubts about everything and have not been able to apply anything. As far as counseling, my H has been in IC for about 10 sessions now. He really dosent say too much about the sessions to me. We have been having sever financial problems since October, so all our money has been going to trying to keep our heads above water and get caught up. I would really love to talk to the Harleys, but I just dont have it right now. I finally got MC approved through my insurance and our 1st appt. is Friday.

I have printed him out many things from this site and I have read SAA. He knows I have the book and I told him it was there for him to read, but he hasnt done so yet. When I give him things to read he says he understands them but thinks it really doesnt apply to our situation. HELLOOOOO!!!

Its just so scary to me right now, because the things that she said to me had to come from him. Like I said in my last post he said everything was taken out of context. But still it had to come from somewhere. She told me My H was only still with me because he had no where else to go and that he was taking steps to leave me. She alsotold me he only married me to get custody of his two children from a previous relationship. She also told me my H wanted me to get a job..he felt like he was only here for money. I guess right now I just need to figure out what this all means and I dont think I will be able to until we see MC. I guess in the 3 months since D-day, H has given both me and OW enough to keep us both.

LISA , I do agree with FOREVER , BUT I totally understand working with someone who won't work back , and getting court up in thinking they "make some sense to"

YOUR WS is just giving enough to keep BOTH you & OW enough to keep going while he fence sits .

FIGURING out what to belive from OW verses WS?

WELL DON"T try it , first off your dealing wuth 2 people who lie !

THATS what I was faced with wanting to contact OW again , and I won't . ITS bad enough wacking your head against the wall to be there for WS , someone you thought you knew for years and they BETRAY you , do you really need to confuse your self with some who is so LOW she chooses to be with a MM ? JMVHO

YOU are doing things reading , MC, and HIM in IC .

ALL those things are the start . NOW make your PLAN .

WHAT PLAN ? PLAN A , PLAN B , 180 DB .

SOMETHING , and your bounderies , DO this now .

THIS has been 3 months right ?

ok thats the time frame , when did you find MB?

ITS been what 2 months? OK start with that .

SINCE then how do you feel ? ARE you strong enough for 3 more?

CAN you PLAN A for that long with out loosing it ?

OR are you at the point you feel like I wish if it WS won't stop contact then I wish he would leave . ?

DO you belive anything he says ? iF so what ?

THINK of everything , put a list together , get your thoughts organized . write them down.

THEN write down what you want from your M , ANOTHER what you want from yourself , .

I am not telling you what is best for you only you know that (in time )

IMVHO , I went straight to PLAN B after about 2 weeks into D-DAY ( not knowing what plan b was
this was the first time )

AND it was he!! but not like the HE!! it is with this in your face and the longer I let him stay with it ongoing the weeker you become to do PLAN B .

WITH him gone to make his decision it does so much for YOU , your not expecting anything ,you know they left so they don't have to call .YES you want him to but if he don't its easier , .

YOU get stronger to know you are not wrong, crazy , and he gets to miss you and family . WS will be able to see grass is not greener !

YOU don't have to wait up wondering , you know he is with OW .
AND you don't have to see there face walk in and wait for the BS line H will give you .

IT does work TO SAVE YOURSELF !!

THE M can only be saved when you BOTH save yourself . HE needs to discover this on his own and so do you .

YOU see this A is not yours to deal with , when its over if both of you want your M then you will be healther to deal with it and to be there for one another , for him when he crashs and him for you cause then he will see your pain .

IN fog WS will not truely see what he is doing .

I will post more later.