So for the past 2 1/2 weeks he has told me he hasn't had any contact with her. I believed him completely. Questioned him a couple of times, of course and he insisted he hadn't. That she wouldn't want to see him anyway and that she respected me enough (she didn't know he was married) to back away. Last night after dinner, he went to the store to get a few things and I had a bath. 1/2 hour later and he's still not back from the store that is a 30 second drive away. So I call his cell and it goes to voicemail right away. Therefore I know he is on the other line. On a hunch, I called her # since I had it from D-day and sure enough, hers goes to voicemail right away as well. I know they are talking. I keep calling both of their numbers to get through, just want the truth. My H finally calls me and says that he went to the video store and realized that it was kind of too late to rent one after wandering around a while, that's why he was late. I said ok, see you in a bit, then hung up and called the OW. She didn't seem surprised to hear from me. But wanted to verify that I was actually at our house so had me call her on her cell which has call display. Anyway, we go back and forth, telling each other what he's told us. He was actually out at a movie with her this past Saturday, the night before our anniversary, when he told me he was out doing taxes for a friend. She said that he calls her at least six times a day and that her told her that I moved out and had been staying at a friend's place, that he had filed for divorce. I asked her if they had had sex since the first time, and she said no. I believe what she says more than my husband. She told me that she is so ready to end this thing and this is the proof she needs. Then my H came in so we ended the conversation but she asked me not to tell him we talked, that we would talk the next day and come up with some way to confront him together.

So he came home and I asked him a few questions, about the 40 minute trip to the store. About the movies he apparently went to alone last Thursday after his job interview fell through (but the charges on our account showed $30, pretty pricey for one movie for one person). Asked him again if he had spoken, seen the OW. He got all defensive, denied. I described to him a number of scenarios, that he actually went to the movies Sat night with her, that he had met her for lunch the other day, that he calls her numerous times during the day. Deny, deny. Then I told him, well I KNOW you are lying because I talked to the OW and she told me these things. I told him a few more things she told me and then he finally fessed up that his NC lasted all but 2 days and then he was back to calling her again.

We talked for a long time last night, about 3 hours and he said that he was really angry at me for not meeting his ENs over this past year, but that he still loved me. Said he cared about her but was pretty sure he didn't love her. Today he is going to end things with her (apparently). I still do not trust him and won't for a long time. I actually called her this morning and left her a message telling her that I told him that we had talked, that I couldn't handle the lies anymore and had to reveal that I knew that it was still going on and that he is supposed to be calling you and tell you it is over. That I sense you are a good person and will walk away from this and give our marriage a chance. And I am honestly sorry that she was lied to and deceived as well, because I am. On the other hand, I want the B out of our life for good, of course!

So, long story, it was a long night. We did make love very passionately last night and woke up this morning. He was affectionate, but it appears like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He looks tired and worn down and am worried about him. I want my place back in his heart as his best friend and confidante. I just really want my loving, caring, sweet, smiling and joking man back.

What to do? I am scared that he will not be truthful to me again. If he doesn't end things with her, our marriage doesn't stand a chance.

Adding on: spoke with the OW this a.m. and we had a rather long talk comparing the various stories he's told both of us. It is unbelievable. Two weekends ago, we spent both Friday and Saturday night together, went out had some fun. He told her that he was flying to Connecticutt for a job interview. Last Wed he said he was going to a Bball game with a friend and swore to me that it was with him. Turns out it was with her. It is unbelievable the extent of his lies. It is weird but myself and the OW are almost cohorts now. She is as disgusted as I am b/c he involved his daughter (previous marriage, my stepdaughter who I love) and her son. They played together a couple of times. She said that I can feel free to call her whenever I want to verify that he is not with her. Guess I am lucky that she has very strong morals, obviously stronger than the one I'm married to. It sounds like he hasn't told anything true in the past 2 months. How can I trust this man again? It is despicable.

Dearest Sad....I know you're hurting and that you're angry about the lies he's been telling to everyone in the last few weeks. You should be, you have every right to feel as you do.

Right now it looks as if he's firmly planted himself on the fence, juggling both of you and lying his @$$ off to both. It seems that in your case, the OW is as angry as you and is also feeling some of the same betrayal you are feeling. Very few BS deal with an OP in this manner. In some ways this may make it easier for both of you to push together and get him off that stupid fence. (I am sure he's discovering that his heretofore comfy fence has developed a lot of very uncomfortable points on it at this time.)

I sincerely hope that your H chooses to climb down off that fence and make a true commitment.

I do think you did the right thing by telling your H last night that you'd spoken to the OW and that you were not yourself continuing the lies and evasions which he has brought into the marriage. If you're not honest, hard to demand honesty from another. JMHO

Good Luck in the coming days.

thanks for your support just a wifey. i realize now that he has lied for so long, that i can't tell when he is telling the truth anymore. he did these lies with such a straight face, without pausing. it was just automatic, like second nature.

is this common for someone having an affair to lie so easily? and will this lying nature stop? i thought the man i married was a truthful and honest person.