Per this request :-)

"Eric - copy your post into a new topic to get more responses. Consider titling the topic as "Moose Brain Worms - OM recovering, wife needs antidote." Guaranteed to get you lots of replies."

Here is an interesting twist on this one. What do you do when your WW is the one still trying to contact the OM, and he is trying to save his marriage. Yeah, screwed up situation and then some.

My WW has moved out and decided that divorce is the only option . The OM is doing MC with his wife, and my WW thinks it is still OK to contact him since he is 'still a good friend'. So far, he is not responding to her requests to talk. I have tried to tell her that she needs to not do this, since it will continue to destroy their chances. Of course she won't fix her own mess, so I guess there is no real reason for her to help his.

Worse yet, I have to deal with the OM in the future because of joint dealings in a national organization. I have no idea how I am going to handle that, since my WW will be there too (and is also involved in the organization). Yeah, loads of fun..... I have unfortunately already made commitments to them that would be very hard to replace (creating new software).

Thoughts??

Eric

Married 10/6/2001
WW started affair w/mutual friend 1/20/2002
WW moved out of state 2/1/2003
I Found out about ongoing A 2/15/2003

If you are sure that OM is really trying to save his M, send him a copy of SAA. He will read about no contact and realize he needs it and may just tell your W to leave him alone.

SS

Ah, yes. Moose Brain Worms. Same as the fog and alien abduction. A former poster, mbtrk, introduced this competing diagnosis a couple years ago. Seems that mooses (meeses?) get a worm-like parasite in their brains that make them do really crazy things - like buy new wardrobes, forget to come home, use their cell phones in the front yard, etc. - hence the parallel to affairs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eric1234:
<strong>So far, he is not responding to her requests to talk.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Eric - how do you know this? Have you communicated with him?

What he needs to do is write your wife a no contact letter. If you communicate with him, consider making this suggestion - for everybody's best interests.

Regarding the future interaction, the only thing you can do is stay on the moral high ground and hope that OM's/wife's recovery takes into account the necessity of minimum contact, if none is not possible. Assuming you get to recovery, you can do the same.

WAT

Most of their communication was over the internet during the 'A', and I found out their hidden IDs they were using. I have seen that my WW logs onto that ID pretty regularly (and she has no one else in her buddy list), and whenever he logs on, and she is on, he IMMEDIATELY logs off.

I called her on this the other night saying that I realize she has been trying to contact him, and she admitted to me about the number of times I suspected. So I am pretty confident that he is staying the course so far.

Wish I was even nearly as lucky. My WW just runs out of state and gives up....

Eric

Sorry to reply to my own again, but I only answered half the question. Yes, I did immediately send him an email once I found out. I pretty much stated that he needed to tell his wife, or I would in 3 weeks. It forced OM to confront his wife, and I think ended the A with my WW. I also added that I was very 'disapointed'. I also gave him the link to this site. That's about it. Short, sweet, relatively polite, but to the point.

He responded that he understands and hoped I could forgive him. Right after that, though, I get an email from my WW begging me not to tell the BW. I stood firm on that, based on the large variety of comments here.

At least one marriage might be saved out of this, anyways.....

Eric