I found out rather recently that my husband of almost 9 years and my former best friend had sex while I was gone to a neighborhood garage sale in our house (but, not in our bed). He said that it was animalistic behavior because there was no emotion like love involved and that he did not have sex on his mind when I left the house. She paraded in front of him nude after I left, and that he followed her to the front bedroom where she had been using the guest room the previous night which are both familiar habits of her's. He only did it once, but kept the touchy-feely routine going for about a year because he liked it, but they both continued to lie to me that they were not doing anything. The former best friend coaxed him into oral sex, and one other sex act (he was almost asleep and didn't realize what she was doing). He asked me to find out about animalistic behavior because that's all it was on his part. He has a conscience that was hurting him for the past year. She has no conscience and married men are not safe. She is totally out of the picture, but the hurt and betrayal remain with me because I never had a reason (I thought) not to trust my spouse. What is this animalistic behavior? It is a reason, but not an excuse to me. The former, female friend has the same tendency, I think.

Animalistic behavior? come on give me a break! I am a guy and know better than this. It sounds like a Load of B.S. to me and rather a excuse for impulse sex. There is a thin line between right and wrong and this is plain wrong. Is your husband growing fangs and hair on his plam of his hands too? I would'nt buy this for 1 second - He knew exactly what he was doing unless your husband came from a kennel.

I basicly agree with PHTM, though it is true and common that men can have sex with someone (including their wives!) without having much of an emotional connection to them. Recovery is a long and bumpy road. For advice on how to proceed, click on the link in my signature line.

Thanks, guys, for the male prospective (both spiritual and non). No, he was not residing in a kennel. He was 33 years in the military, though, and has plenty of sexual experience! I think what the difference here might be is that my husband is considerably older than you two advisers. He is 75 and I am 52 (maybe I should have told you fellows that because a mature male prospective might be different than yours' since you are merely middle age or younger).

I think my problem upon further examination is that I was naive, far too trusting of both of them, and just plain stupid!! I really believe that my spouse thought that I was "setting them up" and would come back to discover them in the act because he locked the screen door near the bedroom where the sex took place, and any other door being opened would have given him time to "put his pants on",thereby keeping me from finding him on top of her. Of course, they acted like I was at fault for not trusting them later on, and that nothing was wrong whatsoever.

He is truly sorry that he did what he did with the other woman/my former best friend (42 year old active widow). He said that he had been intending on finding the right time to tell me, and that e-mail where the other woman referred to his "tendencies" was the catalyst.

He thought/fully expected that I would/should have thrown him out of the house for at least a while upon finding out what went on behind my back, sporadically, for one year. I think that he is suffering more by staying with me here at home because I question him constantly, but his story/facts never change. He has said that it was the most stupid thing he has ever done and cannot imagine why he risked losing me, especially after having had an adulterous ex-wife and knowing how much she hurt him during their 44 years). He cannot believe that he hurt the one person he loved the most through what he still maintains was "animalistic male behavior" after being coaxed by the buxom "slut" (my word).

By the way, the other woman is on a (get this one)Wildflower Tour with her married, Brittish businessman lover as we speak. Remember that marriage does not keep her away from other women's spouses. She couldn't care less about either one of us, but she sure liked using us and our home for her 'safe house'. She is a widow, and 'she is the single one'; the men are breaking their vows', not she (her words). Talk about a load of B.S.!!! Oh yes, she is pretty much an alcoholic which I am sure played a big part in loosening her body and spreading her legs in front of my spouse with a "what are you waiting for?" look on her smiling face.

I do want to save my marriage because I do want this person in my life and do love him; I do not think that I would have a life without this person/husband. He is sorry for his actions and he does have a conscience. He said that he would see a marriage counselor with me if that is what I need/want of him. He wants to save our marriage, and I want to believe him/trust him. He says that he will spend the rest of his life "making all this up to me". You know, maybe I do need therapy? However, from a religious angle, my husband and our life together should not go asunder. He has promised me that it will never, never happen, again.

Who would have thought that an attractive, albeit 73 yr. old man (at the time of the fornication) would be desired physically by a 42 yr. old good-looking slut? Yea, I know, I did, and still do feel an attraction for him.

Consider this the very last reply from me or questioning. Thanks for your help, valuable time, thoughts, and advice on what I should do next!! I will not bother you kind souls anymore than I have already. I will consider a marriage counselor, an authority versus amateurs. I will continue to read and learn, also. Pray for us and the strong marriage that will evolve from this past sexual fiasco. What does not kill us, makes us stronger?!

What is so strange is that our relationship is, and will be, wonderful in the bed and out, but I did ask myself what I could have done to have kept him away from her. "Nothing" was the answer. She was merely a different piece of [censored] and he wanted to prove that he was a good sex partner eventhough I always told him so. His feelings of guilt are weighing heavy on him, now, and she wasn't that good!!!

One word. Divorce. How animalistic is his behaviour going to seem if you get AIDS? Drop him like a hot iron.