okay, my wife had an emotional affair. we semi- talked about it (she doesn't like to talk about it). we went to counseling the other day. the counseler told her everything that i've been trying to tell her. i think she still hasn't picked up on it yet. she still says she's numb and has no feelings for me at all whatsoever. she doesn't seem remorseful for putting me through all this pain. she says she feels bad about doing this to me but the tone of her voice says otherwise. she says she wants to "try" and work through things but she can't make simple sacrifices that i've requested to prove it. yes, she stopped talking to her boyfriend but it has to be a permanent thing if she wants this to work. she's still trying to "compromise" with that one. i asked her to do simple little things like look at family pictures and videos and just see how happy we were then. she declines in a very rude way. i bought the book "surviving an affair", and when i bought it she was there with me. i asked her if she would read it with me and she said yes. she hasn't flipped through a single page. i'm emotionally spent. she stabbed me in the heart and is just waiting for me to die. am i running a dry well here? i had faith that perhaps she would, could, possibly change. i honestly believed that she could look me in the eye and feel a little something to help respark things. i'm still nothing to her. i'm trying to be patient and work through this hoping for positive results but the outlook looks grim. i don't think she's sorry for what she did to me because it doesn't hurt her to say out loud what she did to me. her tone is always angry. i sit in her shoes to see where i've gone wrong and i know. but i have not gotten any empathy from her. is this worth all the pain i'm going through? is she worth this battle? am i wasting my time? i wish i knew.

<small>[ April 11, 2003, 05:37 AM: Message edited by: trying... ]</small>

First, you have found a great place here with great people who can help. I know what you are feeling and I just want you to know that what you are feeling and what she is doing...its all normal!

First, until she comes out of her "Fog" she will be this way. You should continue the steady course of being calm (Yeah I know real tough to do in this situation) supportive but firm with her. Don't forget to tell her your feelings towards her. You will recognize when she starts to come around. It may be that she has decided to read, or talk with you. We are talking about baby steps at this point, just be patient. But please, read all you can so you can at least help yourself and your marriage.

The short answer to "Is it worth it?" is "Yes!". You have no idea how lucky you are to get to this site and find these resources now. I wish I had found this site after my wife's first emotional affair, instead of having to endure a second and then a physical affair. Using the tools we have found here we have a MUCH better marriage than we EVER had before.

The short answer to "Now what?" is: Plan A. Click on the link in my signature line for the details.

thank you both for your responses. i'm trying my hardest to be patient and work through things but it's a two-way road. if she's not willing to prove to me that she wants this then i don't feel i should be fighting to keep it either. i try to be positive but it seems she absolutely does not give a flying **** about anything that has happened. it's like trying to shake someone out of a coma. i'll try to hang in there and i'll read up and do what i can to take care of myself and my son at the moment. i almost have lost all hope. maybe she'll come around. hopefully by then it won't be too late. thank you both again.

Read ALL those links in my sig line page. This is an excerpt from one that I think you need right now: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are not dealing with rational people, so your normal thought processes won't work. This is exactly why you're confused. Your spouse will act as if he/she has been abducted by aliens and had their brains scrambled. Just watch and don't take any of this personally. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">