i just found out 2 weeks ago my husband of 27 yrs is having an affair. he says he loves her he says he loves me and he is finding it hard to let her go. he doesn't know if he wants to stay with me but we are going to marriage counseling we never fight things were going well this is the first time he cheated. i am totally devistated. he is still living at home. i still love him he says he loves her different. slowly dieing in mass.

Denise,

I am so sorry for you, but you have found a place where you will get help. During your stay here you will get lots of support and advice and come to understand what happened and what the dynamics of an affair is.

The pain you are experiencing is typical for most BSs (betrayed spouses) and similarly the words you hear from your WH (wayward husband) is typical of the so-called "fog" babble that they spout.

Do not despair, you are not alone. I am a newbie and do not feel that I can really give you good advice, but there are some very good and experienced people around that will be able to help you get started.

Here's a link to John39's guidelines to help you get going.

John39s guidelines

Commonly new BSs suffer from lack of sleep, anxiety, depression, lack of appetite (in fact the infidelity diet is quite infamous), even physical symptoms like stomach cramps. This is normal for such a gut-wrenching experience. See your physician to get medications as required and try to eat healthy.

My thoughts are with you and God Bless,

SB

Dear Denise -

I won't say don't depair, because it IS devastating BUT a long marriage is a very strong connector. My husband of 20 years also had an affair, but now we are very very happy.

It's midlife- it's boredom - it's sexual thrills - but it isn't life. Your marriage is life and I believe it will prevail.

Stay cool. Concentrate on yourself - be truly selfish for once. And let the fireworks calm down with an open door.

I really thought my marriage was long gone. A basic respect for each other and a shared history generally prevail.

My thoughts are with you.

DS: Click on the link in my signature line for what to do.

^^^^ bump for more input

Denise, how are you?