Hello all. I am new to this site and just need some form of comfort. I have been having a gut feeling since last summer about my husband and my best friend. She is always calling my husband at work to let him know if other men are calling to ask if she would sleep with them and about problems with her husband. My husband and I had some petty problems starting the end of January 2002 and we have just know healed some of the gaps. Ok guys, what made me start to suspect them? Well, my husband would tell me if she called him at work and their conversations. What she told him, she has never revealed to me such as: sleeping with another man with her husband watching, sleeping with her asst. director at the daycare she was director of, and so forth and so on. She and her husband have been seperated now going on 3 months. She will call my husband in the night knowing I'm here and ask if he would come over. Of course, he would leave. The firtst instance was last May her and her family came over for dinner and they left. She came back at 10:30 p.m. and asked if she could talk to my husband. I'm supposed to be her BEST FRIEND, right!! Anyway, they "talked" and he didn't come home until 3:00 a.m. They wrestle all the time, but she provokes the fights and I can tell she craves his touch. I have really pulled back on being her friend due to these feelings I have. I don't really talk to her except about our children. I have confronted my husband in my feelings, but he gave me the mighty brush off and that he would never do that to me. My gut feeling will not go away and if I ever find out that this has really occured, I will surely file for divorce. I am not forgiving and I have told my husband and her this. My husband is everything she wants and everything her husband is not. She is of another race. Not that it matters, but it is a bitter pill to swallow. The last and final blow to this saga is on my husband's cc bill I found a charge for a motel, Delux Inn in Feb. 2002 when we really started in our marital problems. I confronted him about that as well, but again....you know!! I even went so far as to call the motel, but they would not divulge the info. Granted, the charge showed up 3 months after it came on the bill. Please help me deal with this. The two people who I love are robbing me of a happy life, marriage, and sanity.

rf - welcome to this site. You will find all you need here to solve your marriage problems and a lot of understanding, compassionate people.

If all you describe is accurate, an affair has been in progress for some time. Your gut is right. No question about it. We've seen the signs before over and over. I wish I wasn't so sure. It's very sad that when it happens, a "best friend" can frequently be involved. My story is similar in that regard, so I know what you're experiencing.

Although there are no guarantees, your marriage can be restored. But you wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rottenfriends:
<strong>My gut feeling will not go away and if I ever find out that this has really occured, I will surely file for divorce. I am not forgiving and I have told my husband and her this.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm willing to bet that you will change your mind once you read all the good information on this site. Divorce does not have to be automatic. Have other friends or family members advised that this is what you MUST do? Baloney.

Think of it this way: You follow your instinct and divorce your H immediately. You feel like you showed him, right? You were in the right and he was wrong, wrong, wrong!!! You win! Or do you....? Actually, nobody wins. Afterwards, he is free to be with her, but it's highly unlikely that he'll be with her long or marry her. Even if he does marry her, the odds on it lasting are very, very poor.

However it happens, it'll end, run its course, and she'll be out of the picture. He'll wonder what the heck he did. But you two will already be divorced. You will observe all of this and regret divorcing him. You will always wonder, "What if I hadn't?"

You would find yourself in the position of having acted on your emotions instead of using your head. Acting on emotions leads you down the wrong path almost everytime. This is what your H and "best friend" are doing right now.

Sure, you can still get back together even in those circumstances. But you would have to forgive him - and he'd have to forgive you.

So, read around this site. Read the link in my sig line, and decide if you really want to follow your first instinct to file for divorce. If so, hire a lawyer who will help you bleed him dry. Take no mercy. Make him pay. But we won't be able to help you.

Otherwise, start by taking a long look at yourself and see if you can identify any problems you brought to the marriage that gave your H an excuse to have an affair. This doesn't mean you caused the affair - just that in every marriage each spouse is imperfect and when the emotional needs of a spouse are not being met, an affair decision is easier to make.

Hi!It might be helpful to read my story under general questionsII "unbelievable story", I was the OW and best friend to the OM's wife-all indications are they (your H & best friend)are having an A-read my post from 4/9, and reply then
maybe I can offer you some suggestions-also read
Harley's book "Surviving an Affair"-take care