Well, my husband sent the OW a letter today, via email, telling her that he was ending the affair, and not to contact him at all. Needless top say she has sent him about 6 emails since noon, and he has showed them all to me and we deleted it together. We have changed his cell phone, blocked her from sending anymore emails to him at home or work and even moved his office to another area of the building so she wouldn't walk past his door (she's a coworker). His boss knows about the whole situation and has commited to help us get through this phase and hold him accountable at work. I am driving him to work and picking him up... Short of staying in the office that's all I can do... I guess we are doing all that we are supposed to do. He is showing a willingness to make me see that he doesn't want to talk to her and I appreciate this effort. But I also see in his eyes that he is suffering because of this. I know it is because he has an emotional connection with this woman. How can I help him get through this without "loosing it" myself? Without feeling less than her? Please help... [LIST]

You're off to a great start. If he maintains NC..fog and withdrawal will end much quicker. After dday my H started slowly seeing his actions clearer and the effect on people he loved..the more I became his friend and didn't judge him...the quicker he started seeing her for who she really was. He got past strong desire to see her withing days. He slipped on NC for first week past dday...once I caught him at that he did NC letter and stuck to it...was just days before he started feeling anger towards her, then disgust within a couple of weeks, hated her guts in less then a month.

Let him talk to you about his feelings...no matter how much it hurts...if you are his friend and meeting his needs...he won't need her!

Best Wishes!

You both should consider that he may need to get a new job. Are you going to drive him to work for the rest of his tenure there? Are you ever going to feel secure knowing that this woman is there with him all day? It's a tough thing to do, but maybe it needs to be done. My wife had an affair with a co-worker. She told him that they would never speak again, and she quit her job the next day. She loved her job, it was perfect for her and she has worked very hard to earn what she has there. . However, she wants our marriage to work and she knows that any contact, even a chance encounter in a hallway, is bad for what she knows she needs to do. It is one of the consequences of her actions. This is a financial blow to our family, and in this economy it puts us in a tenuous situation, but it needed to be done in order for trust to start to grow again. Think about it. I wish you luck.

Dear lost, It's very hard to get through the withdrawal period. I am bs 2yrs, and it wasn't easy. I could tell that my ws was depressed. He also had developed a very strong emotional tie to ow. You have to suck it in and try to be as strong as you can. You have to be a "friend" to your ws. That is how we get through it. Although we are usually starved for love and attention that we need from ws, we have to put that on the back burner until ws is out of withdrawal. It's pretty sickening at times, but that's the way it works. I don't mean be a doormat, just be understanding and try to be happy in the presence of your ws. I put on the appearance of being strong, laughing alot, being good natured, (which I already was good natured) but show him that you can take care of you. There were so many times that I broke down and cried at night when I thought he was asleep because I couldn't be strong one more minute. This shows them that they can trust you and not be afraid that we'll reject them. Don't get me wrong, I had times that I lost my cool, but try to talk with a good friend of the same sex that you can trust, when you get frustrated. It was also easier for me to have a better time when we went out with friends. It took my mind off of the pain and hurt for just a few minutes. It's not fair, but seems we have to be nice and understanding to ws during withdrawal. When ws is serious about nc, as your ws seems to be, withdrawal won't last all that long. Hugs to you.

I just posted a new thread, under "Help husband regrets sending NC letter.." And last night he posted under Recovery "conumdrum". He is reaching out for help... I will try and be the friend he needs, but it is so hard right now.. Because I see that he wants to be with her. I see that he longs for her. I wish that he would quit his job and we'd be on our way...I will aproach the subject with him...

Thanks

Hi Lost and your WH-just a quick note before I go out for a wonderfully planned day-first stop is the church where we got married 20 years ago today- that is an hours drive and if you had asked me 6 months ago if this day would ever come and be like it is I wouldn't have bet on it. I think you guys have a better than average chance of recovery together- CHOOSE each day to forgive each other and yourselves- be NICE or keep your mouth shut- better days ahead- you can see you are not alone- cling to each other in this storm.

PEACE OUT