Hi,
My H still insists they are just friends. However, this weekend he dissapeared for over 2 hours 2 nights in a row... , he says he is just driving around thinking...yeah right. And comes home smelling like musk with cat hair on his socks.. we don't have cats.
Well, my question is if he is unwilling to admit it is an affair... "they haven't done anything", how do I initiate plan A?
Friday night we started talking about it and I said I wanted to work things out. His same old story is he needs time to think... it took a long time to get in the mess we are and it will take time to work it out, and the OW is not the reason we have problems.
I agreed that she was not the initial cause of the problems, but I believe that she is in the way of our reconciling if she is around....
Needless to say, we came to a dead end...
What do I need to say/do when we get to this point? I know I am not supposed to give ultimatums, so what is the next step...especially when he will not admit there is any problem with having this friendship?

Please help. I am trying to not worry about his every move, but it is difficult. I am trying to keep busy. This weekend he slept in a different bedroom, but last night for reasons unknown, he came back to our room. When I leaned over to Kiss him goodnight, like I do every night and tell him I love him... he insisted I did not love him... and he rolled over.
One last item... he has a drinking problem that has really gotten progressively worse since he started all this with the OW.

Thanks for the advice/Bonita92
H=48
W=45
5 children from our blended marriage/all grown
I really want this to work.

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Bonita92

Hi Bonita,

Welcome to MB. Well from your post, your H has the classic WS symptoms.

1. U R to blame for his issues.
2. The ability to get cat hairs and musk ordors just from driving around in deep thought. (did he think you would actually buy that excuse?)
3. To say contradict YOUR statements. Has he always done this?
4. His drinkin' ways. Yes, OWs have a way of just giving H's new bad habits all in the name of 'friendship'?

Well how do you handle this? Right now you need to get a good counselor. MC or IC. Read up on the concepts section above. Get ahold of the books 'surviving an affair' and 'his needs/her needs'. Both are by Dr Phil Harley. Then get the book 'love must be tough' by Dr James Dobson (you may need this one also). See if you can schedule some counseling time (via phone with either Steve Harley and Jennifer) here @ MB. They are good.

They will help you get your support line started.

take care,
L.