I have been thru hell the last few years. A long story, but I won't go into in detail. However, My wife and I divorced. The divorce was not because of any affairs. However, during the divorce and separation process, I did have a friendship with another women that lead to an affair. We were casual friends even when my wife and I were together. Because of my divorce, we began talking online everyday to the point where we both feel we developed a close friendship. This lead to a sexual relationship. However, I never have got over my ex wife. In a nutshell, after a year and a half divorced my exwife and I have remarried. I love her to death.

However, the contact with the other has started again. When my ex and I started dating again, I stopped all contact. Well, I am not proud of this, and wonder why I can not stop myself. It is strictly online, and nothing else has happened. I feel guilty that I talk to her, but I don't break contact. I know it is wrong, it tortures me. Additionally, I desire this other women. If I felt this way, Why did I remarry? I writing this post before I make a bigger mistake. Why am I allowing this to happen? DO I love this other women too? What is wrong with me and what should I do?

ash:

You've answered your own question. The only way to stop contact with this woman is to stop contact with this woman.

-Qfwfq

Ash -

I agree w/qfw. The relationship with this other woman is not real. Your marriage is real. Therefore, implement NC, even if you don't want to, and have someone hold you accountable to that ... preferably, your W!! She has a right to hold you accountable to that!

Wishing you luck.

If you truly want to save your M, you have to come clean with your BW. If you do, then your dishonesty ceases to exist, and no contact with the OW becomes much more likely. As long as you remain in contact with the OW, the chances of your M surviving are slim at best.

Stop it now buddy - you got a second chance - i wish i could have that chance with my ww

dont let her catch you like i caught my girl - you wont get a third try

when will all you guys and girls wise up to what you are doing and quit it?

Yeah,
Give all your e-mail usernames and passwords to your wife and let her read all incoming & outgoing messages.

Ask yourself what would happen if she stumbles across any of your notes by accident--would she be pleased with your character?

If you have to hide the correspondence from your wife, it's wrong.

I know!? Introduce this OW to your wife. Scary thought, huh? Perhaps that thought will encourage you end all contact for once and for all! You're just flirting with disaster. A fling isn't worth risking your marriage for...

Thanks,

I guess I knew the only thing to do is to end contact. I know this is wrong. What does this say about me? I need to work some more on myself.

You also need to work some more on your marriage. Read through "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" with your wife, one chapter at a time. Do all the exercises together. See if you don't find your improving relationship with her reduces your desire to pursue this OW. That said, stay away form the OW, anyway. Former lovers are not safe people to have relationships with.

Agree with everyone else here...but would like to add a little insight.

Guess what...you got married...you didn't die! You don't just stop being attracted to others just because you got married. Everyone...I repeat...everyone...finds themselves attracted or attractive to others besides our choosen mates. This is NORMAL! But it's what we do about that attraction which separates us from those who are faithful and those who betray.

It is a CHOICE! Either you take your vows seriously and you're willing to WORK on improving and making your relationship with your spouse special and honest and loving and kind and caring...or you don't! If you decide to put those moments of attraction to others over and above your loyality to your spouse and family...then you are a betrayer.

What happened after your divorce is NOT betraying...you were divorced, a free man! (While some consider the separation period as a time of freedom, some do not...I won't get into that aspect...it's in the past and best left there.)

But you CHOOSE to remarry. You choose to join your future with another. It's time to end your hidden life you have re-established with this OW and be up front and honest about yourself with your spouse. If you're not ready to do this...you made a mistake in remarring! JMHO

Thanks everyone, I told other women that I needed to stop contact. She was very understanding. I feel better knwing the contact is stop. The next test is to hold to my word.