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#426778 04/15/03 01:32 PM
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In a way I think I am lucky because he has no redeeming qualities. Overweight, smoker, vulgar, up on felony charges. Yet my beautiful devotely christian wife carried on a 9 month PA with this guy. I and others told her from the beginning that he wanted in her pants. He got there and yet she feels that she is the only one of her friends who truly understands this unhappy married man. ISH! Is this the fog that is spoken of and will I ever have the satisfaction of her seeing him for what most think he is?

#426779 04/15/03 01:42 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this the fog that is spoken of and will I ever have the satisfaction of her seeing him for what most think he is?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes it is(the fog) and whether you'll have the satisfaction of her seeing him for what he is, I do not know. Maybe if she had moved in with him, she would eventually realized what kind of person he is.

The most important question is, does she admit that she was wrong in getting involved with this man?

#426780 04/15/03 02:12 PM
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She says that not 2 minutes go by without her getting physically sick thinking about what she did. Yet she doesn't want anything to do with me right know. It is hard to return I love you's, or hold hands, kissing and more is out of the question. Is she greiving the loss of a relationship or am I suddenly revolting?

#426781 04/15/03 02:14 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whymeinMN:
She says that not 2 minutes go by without her getting physically sick thinking about what she did. Yet she doesn't want anything to do with me right know. It is hard to return I love you's, or hold hands, kissing and more is out of the question. Is she greiving the loss of a relationship or am I suddenly revolting?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may have forgiven her, but she has yet to forgive herself, and until that happens, she'll feel unworthy of your love and thus reciprocating it.

#426782 04/15/03 02:33 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> she'll feel unworthy of your love and thus reciprocating it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps...That isn't what she says she talks about years of frustration with me, behaviors that have annoyed her. Lack of communication. I don't deny any of these faults but also don't remember our marriage seeming that bad or her seeming unhappy. I feel these faults have been amplified in her memory to help justify what she couldn't keep herself from doing.

#426783 04/15/03 03:33 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whymeinMN:
Perhaps...That isn't what she says she talks about years of frustration with me, behaviors that have annoyed her. Lack of communication. I don't deny any of these faults but also don't remember our marriage seeming that bad or her seeming unhappy. I feel these faults have been amplified in her memory to help justify what she couldn't keep herself from doing.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are probably right, but at the same time she may have given you the EN's that the OM was satisfying but you weren't.

As far as the PA is concerned, a lot of FWW's have stated that the only reason why they became sexually intimate with their OM, was to make their OM happy (and also possibly fear of losing them), but that they would have been happier if the A had been kept solely on an emotional level. These same FWW's have stated that as far as who the better lover was, their BH's win hands down. Maybe it was the same with your FWW.

Have you considered that (for the time being), sex for your FWW is a painful trigger that reminds her of what she did?

#426784 04/16/03 09:54 AM
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We've talked alot since d-day. No topic is completely taboo. Sex was 'steamy' but cramped quarters give our 18 years an advantage. I think I know she truly wishes she would have stopped but that PA was at least a mutual decision. Virgin bride felt she may have been 'missing out'.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Have you considered that (for the time being), sex for your FWW is a painful trigger that reminds her of what she did? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had not thought of it as a trigger but know that it must be. She cries at the end since it stopped with him. It is for the time being isn't it?


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