My husband had been contacting internet women and talking to a young co-worker (she's 22, he's 35). Since I found out three weeks ago, he has sworn he stopped. I conintue to check his cell records for her number--no "cell" contact with her or the other women since that time. Should I believe he is done with them? Should I try to trust him again, or is he using our land line making it more difficult for me to trace? I do love him, and I want our family to stay together. I just can't get over the hurt and feelings of betrayal from him having phone sex with internet women and talking to another woman as much as he talked to his co-worker. He said it wasn't cheating since there was never any phyisical contact-I disagree, and continue to hurt. He has been a wonderful husband and father since I found out, but I'm leary. What do I do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Yes, what he did is considered an A....he did cheat...I read once that definition of an A is when a relationship with the opposite sex is kept from your spouse.

I would recommend getting him into IC right away, both of you in MC, I think you both should do the questionnaires on this sight as well.

There is a reason that he was doing these things...the trick is to get to the bottom of it, so that the reasons can be dealt with.

I would get help fast...the things he was doing almost always lead to a full blown A.

He's on really good behaviour now but it won't last, unless you get to the root of the problem and address it.

Best Wishes!

Well, you could leave Emotional infidelity laying around the house for him to see, maybe he'll read it and learn something, but trying to educate our spouses is a risky endeavor, and more likely to backfire than succeed. However, the fact remains that he has been unfaithful to you, even if not physically unfaithful, whether he admits it or not. I suspect he will not. However, he probably will admit that your marriage is not perfect, and that your sex life is not perfect. I would start from there.

Harley's basic approach to recovery from infidelity is to deal with all the problems in your marriage that contribute to infidelity. So, "Surviving an Affair" is not just a book about recovering from infidelity, it is a book on how to have a great marriage - how to identify the problems between you, and how to eliminate or minimize them. So, my advice to you is to follow the affair recovery path described in SAA, but sell it to your husband as a way to improve your marriage. You can even be honest and say that you feel he has been unfaithful, he feels he has not, and here is an approach to improving your marriage that can accomodate both points of view.

One book he may be interested in reading, if he is a reader and at all religious, is "The Sexual Man", by Hart. It is based on a survey done by a marriage and sex therapist about what kind of men have the most satisfying sex lives. (The short answer is married men who practice monogamy and have empathetic wives, but it is a LOT more complicated than that, and he goes in to some detail about how other sex practices impair one's ability to have a great sex life, which is particularly applicable to your case.)