I am having an affair with my high school sweethart, we stop seeing each other for 10 years, she got married has 2 kids, now she is divorced. I am married have 3 kids and a good marriage, but when we saw each other 2 months ago, we just feel in love instantly. Although she lives in Mexico and i live in the US we talk by phone 5 times a day, and we have seen each other 5 times for 2-3 days.
I need some advice on how to handle this situation. My mind tells me that i should stay with what i have today and continue, but my hart is completely with this woman.
If i had the choice i would go back to my sweethart, but i do not want to hurt my wife nor my children, any comments would be highly appreciated,
Thanks
Sal

sal:

It's too late. You've already hurt both your W and this old girlfriend.

Time for some disclosure. You have no right to rob your wife of her right to choose her own future, and you've done that by "inviting" this other woman into your relationship without her permission. Tell her what's happened, and if she still wants to save your marriage and family, consider yourself blessed.

Tell your old girlfriend that you can never see or speak to her again for the rest of your life. Apologize for being selfish and having an affair with her.

Before you do anything, though, think about your motives. What kind of man do you want to be? You've compromised your integrity, but you might be able to restore it if you work hard to do so.

Read all you can from this website, particularly the articles about infidelity. A lot of wayward spouses do come here, as well as the betrayed spouses (I'm one of the latter), and there is reason to hope for saving your marriage, if you want to. If you'd rather be with this old girlfriend, though, just know that statistically you have less than a 5% chance of having a lasting relationship with her. Relationships based on lies and deceit don't tend to last.

Please take care,
-Qfwfq

All i can say is Good Luck.. I'm in the same ituation only I'm a wife with two kids. My OM has my high school sweetheart. Its been 3 years though. I recently told him i could n't see him anymore but I want to so bad. Stop while you can it only gets worse. You know you would destroy your children if you left so you won't. So make it easier on yourself and stop all contact with OW. Its not easy but it easier than seeing the look on your kids face when they are old enough to realize you are the bad guy. Life is Life. This is your reality, quit trying to live in a fantacy, that just immature, and selfish. I'm talking to myself too. Go read some books on statisticaly what happens ifg you leave your marriage for the OW. You won't be happy and it won't last and you won't have your wife to come back to and even if you do it will never be that same and your kids will never lookk at you the same. We made obligations and no matter what we think we deserve as "happiness" or "passion" or "love" isn't more important than the factthat our families Do NOT deserve the heartache we would cause int he name of "love"

All I could say is, as the BS and mother of two hurt children, nothing could be more painful than a spouse's defection. Your S is not meeting some of your emotional needs (that you find so readily in your divorced girlfriend)...isn't it funny how divorcees always manage to fill the role, yet they couldn't do it in their relationship. Break it off immediately, and I mean immediately. Take the time to recognize what you are lacking and how your spouse can fulfill that need. All affairs appear to be "incredible" especially when it is just you "two". Imagine all of the pain, hurt and betrayal and combine with juggling two families, bills, etc., and see how incredible it truly is.

Sal if you have a good marriage and three kids why in the world would you even entertain this thought? Give up those thoughts and return your heart to your wife and children. Be a man and stand up for what is right and be a positive roll model for your children.

May God give you strength to do the right thing.

carl

Now you are laying the grounds for bad marriage. You are not in high school and anything that resembles "love" here is more than likely dissillusion. A woman from afar. That is poetic. But guess what she has faults and personality quirks etc, just like everyone else on God's earth. Deal with the here and now. Read all of the things in this web site and realize what you are setting up in the "heart" of your family. And by all means learn it. Then apply it. Save everyone the pain.

Sal, you said you have a good marriage so get back to it and save it. Sit down and think about the ramifications of what you are doing. I get the feeling that many wayward spouses never consider the true and far reaching consequences of their actions until it's too late. You've already done things that will effect your life in ways that you can't yet understand. Stop it now. Do you realize that you have to tell your wife? You probably don't realize that yet, and maybe you never will, but you do. If you want to rebuild what you've broken then you have to tell her. How does that make you feel when you think about it? Picture your wife's face. If your marriage is good then she is going to be so devestated. Stop it now. You don't realize it but you will have to come clean about all of your actions and when you do it will be much easier for your wife to handle when she knows that you ended it, you chose her, and you're sorry for what you did. Don't let her catch you or suspect things. Don't put yourself in a position where you are lying to her. All of your actions now will be out on the table at some point. Act like a noble person, starting today. You can't change what you did, but you can do the right thing now and hope it's enough in the long run. Do the right thing, you know what it is. If you didn't you wouldn't be on a site about building and saving marriages. Good luck Sal.

If you should have married the OW then you would have!! You are destroying an admittedly good M with a fantasy! (Time for some "tough love" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) Give your 'friggin head a shake!! You know what you are doing is wrong or you wouldn't be here. You have spent very little time with this OW and you are willing to throw everything away based on a few days? Do you think the few days you've spent with her are an accurate indication of what life will be with her in the long run? Do you want the responsibility of 2 families?

You are addicted to the fantasy, the memories and the feelings they create in you. The funny thing about life...you will always be snapped back to reality.

I wonder if sal is a "hit and run" poster.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Qfwfq:
<strong>I wonder if sal is a "hit and run" poster.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been wondering the same thing all morning, but figured it's been only a day.... and not everyone has their copmputer tuned day and night to MB. (How they manage to live without it escapes me, but it seems they do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

C

cerri:

True, and I hope you're right. But it seemed like sal was posting from a position of "total heaviosity", so it surprises me he wasn't around to respond to the replies. I noticed his first post when it was still at the top of the "active topics" list.

I'd love to be wrong, though.
-Qfwfq