Ok here goes... this may be a little different...

I'm not married - nor have I ever been - nor do I have any children. Although those are things that I want in my life eventually. I have been with the same man for 2.5 years - he has been married and divorced twice and has a nearly 10 year old daughter who lives with his first wife. He has a history of cheating - both of his previous marriages ended because of this.

He claims to have never cheated on me, but is caught in lies which I consider to be cheating. We have separated twice and he has admitted - only when caught - that he's lied. In Feb 2003 we split up again and I drew the line - I told him I needed him to be 100% with me - completely open and honest otherwise I wouldn't do it. He was frustrated that I didn't trust him immediately and then over the last two months he started to seriously rebuild and build that trust again - then this weekend he went away on business. I had asked him to not see a woman friend whom I don't know while he was out of the state (reason for this request: when we were split up but trying to work things out, he had her over at his place overnight on a weekend that I needed a place to stay and he chose her over me and I ended up sleeping in my car). He told me it was no big deal because he wasn't planning on seeing her anyway and hadn't talked to her in a couple months. I received an e-mail on Monday which proved undeniably that he was with her and had plans with her, as well as that he'd been in contact with her regularly. Not only did this e-mail prove he was lying about seeing and talking to her, but proved he had lied about her all together - how he knew her, who she was, etc. When confronted he didn't deny it just turned the situation around on me and told me he had to lie because I didn't give him a choice and that he would never "forbid" me to see one of my friends.

Sorry for the length, I just don't know what to do, even when I found out and confronted him he still saw her. He says he wants to go to counseling, but I don't even know if I can trust him again or if I want to. Am I wrong in feeling the way that I do? Should I have not asked him to not see his "friend"? The truth is that I don't trust him and don't know what to believe, but I certainly don't believe him because I don't know when he's lying or telling the trust - I can't even trust my own judgment with him. We're not married, but I do love him and my heart is still with him... but I'm just worried... how much is too much?

Me 25
Him 33
Current Relationship - uncertain
Together 1/25/01
Separated 6/14/02
Together again 10/20/02
Separated 2/2/03
Working things out 2/9/03
Separated 4/14/03

<small>[ April 17, 2003, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: Pinky_Jones ]</small>

It is too much and you are too young to be inviting this kind of baggage. He does not sound like someone willing to settle down. If you don't want this kind of life, leave him and find someone who respects you.

take care,
L.

PJ:

Run like he!!

There are plenty of fish in the aquarium!

He's 33 and has been M'd and DV'd 2 times??? And lies? And is having an A while with you???

Keep running!
-Qfwfq

Sometimes we ask for advice, because we already know what the right answer is, but it hurts to know. You already know the answer to this question...

I hope you take your own advice.

Pinky.......

Get rid of da bum! Trust you instincts here, he's bad news. You can do a lot better but hardly any worse.

Take care,

SB

Just wanted to say thanks for all the replies. I appreciate your support. I've received the same advice from friends and they all hope that I stop giving him chances.

I'm thinking about seeing a counselor on my own just to figure out why I do keep giving him chances.

I don't know what I'll do yet, but I really do appreciate the encouraging words.

Thanks to all,

PJ