I have been seeing a counselor weekly to try and combat the pain and betrayal of this A. Last week WS stated that he wanted to attend with me to put things right. I make this plea to the counselor and she begins preparing materials and sessions to address "our" marriage rather than my individual issues. She was quite suprised by my solitary visit the following week; I told her that he changed his mind AGAIN!!! She was not surprised indicating that he was still trapped in the "illusion" and not prepared to give up the OW yet. He was still involved. For three weeks, I felt a great deal of improvement in myself and my attitude. Yet, this one setback has done just that...put me back. How long do you attend counseling until you are fairly strong to recognize these signs? Although I haven't officially written my letter, my counselor suggests I start Plan B. I've begun already, with today being the first day (so far) that no contact has been made. I need some advice.

Plan B Guidelines:

• I love you.
• I married you for life. I want to stay married to you
• I am willing to do what it takes to be the spouse you've always wanted and to address the things I did wrong in the marriage.
• The affair is so painful for me that it will destroy the love I have for you. In order to protect those feelings I must end all contact with you.
• As soon as the affair is over I would love to talk with you about our future.
• Until that time please respect my wish for no contact whatsoever

Conditions for Recovery:

The conditions for recovery are:
Radical Honesty. Each of you must learn to be honest, in a way that is respectful and courteous, about all the events in your life. This includes how you feel about things that each of you does. Your hopes, dreams, and plans. And is particularly necessary in terms of accountability. You each need to know where the other one is and what you are doing 24/7. There can no longer be the opportunity for one of you to have a secret second life. This is one of the conditions that allows an affair to flourish.

Eliminating things that hurt each other: This is where we look at things that each one does that either hurts or annoys their spouse. This ranges from abuse to simple habits that drive you wild.

Doing things to make each other happy: Being honest and eliminating hurtful things will stop the pain. And then in order to restore love to the marriage you both must re learn what it is that reach of you needs to feel happy and fulfilled in the marriage, and then find ways to enjoy doing those things.

Time as a couple: The primary reason marriages fall apart and lose the intimate connection is that couples stop spending time together as a couple. Ohhhh.... they do things with their kids or their friends and families. But to maintain, or rebuild, the feelings of love men and women in romantic relationships need to have time for just them.

Creating a way of life that is good for both of you at the same time: You do this by making all your decisions in a way taking each other's feelings into account.

No Contact Letter that should go to the OW when the A ends:

• Out of respect and love for spouse and children s/he realizes that s/he must never see or speak to lover again.
• the relationship with lover was cruel and thoughtless and you did not deserve to be treated that way
• S/He is determined to be the spouse you deserve and have been missing
• S/He will not contact her again and asks that she respect his wish to end the relationship entirely
• You have been told all the details of the affair and will be told immediately if contact is attempted in the future.