My wife and I have been married 24 yrs.We are in our mid 40's, 2 kids out of the house. She was also my highschool sweetheart and all total we have known each other 29 yrs. Its been pretty much "me" for the entire period. I had some highschool flings but nothing since. Everything was fine until last year when I became a victim of emotional infidelity. It came out in the open and we have worked through it without professional help. At least I thought.Its been a year and she told me last night she still has feelings for her "friend". Due to his circumstances she can't get at him so there has been no sex. She tells me I'm the perfect husband, and loves me but that there is a small part of her heart that he has opened. She tells me she feels guilty and terrible about what she has done but says she doesn't know what to do. We have a good life, sex is good and everything thing is there for us to live happily ever after.
We talk about everything and we fight about nothing. We are very open about our feelings but I am tremediously hurt that someone else was able to reach a part of her heart that I couldn't.She says she is confused but knows she has security and love with me. I also asked her if a man asked her to have an affair would she be able to stop it. Her answer to me was "I can't promise that nothing wouldn't happen" I don't want to loose her but its been a year and a friend is telling me get out now. That won't happen. We are seeking counseling next week. I pray this will help. Thanks for reading

Hi Kevin, I think that your both agreeing to counseling is a great sign and I hope that it will begin some sort of healing for you. Also, I suggest you read all of the info on this site and the books that are recommended (i.e., His Needs/Her Needs, Surviving an Affair, etc.) Filling out the emotional needs survey would be very helpful to you as well. General Questions II is another forum you might try if you don't get too many responses here. Good luck to you...it sounds like you are making a great start to a recovery but be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster...it is a doosie! Take care and God bless.
BH

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: brokenhearted ]</small>

kevin,
i'm going to be blunt. infidelity is a concious choice made. it never happens by mistake. people don't take their cloths off by mistake. people don't share intimate details of their lives with others by mistatke! these actions take a concious effort. they are done by design.

the fact that your wife tries to be open and honest about her feelings is not all that commendable...not if she doesn't take that information and chose to do what she knows is right.

in fact, an argument could be made that your wife's behavior is even more reprehensible then that of others in a similar situation. she knows that what she's doing is wrong, yet she continues down that path never the less!

i'm sorry my friend but your wife telling you that she can't promise to be honest and decent is the true indication of who she really is. it sounds to me that in her heart she's all ready crossed over and her saying that she's sorry is a little bit like a bank robber say that they're sorry...after they get caught that is.

coach

hi kevin, sorry about your situation. People in As tend to get caught up in the fantasy of the 'fog' surrounding affairs. They may unfavourably compare the new, initial excitement of the A to a more realistic relationship.(your M)
I am 5 months into recovery and my WH has changed dramatically. (for the better) Our M, which before dday was going rapidly downhill, is now better than ever, its still very tough to cope with the A, but gets easier.
Counseling is a must and its great you are arranging that. It really helped us.
Hope all goes well for you, ad x

Before you go to counseling, click on the link in my signature line, and read it. Then order "Surviving an Affair" and read it together. There is something your wife needs to get from you that she got from him. You need to figure out what it was/is, and figure out how to give it to her. That place in her heart will then be full, and inaccessible to him. That book is THE best resource for your quest that I know of.