The A is over (4 1/2 mos), but I need to know how long the "fog" will last for my H. Is it a gradual lifting or is it sudden or what? Sometimes I think I see a break through and then he is right back where we started. I have seen a slow gradual brightening but am not sure if it is going to last. Are there any signs I can look for to give me hope?

Roxi:

If you get a chance, read my next mail to the group. Perhaps it will help, perhaps it won't.

Although I am on the other side of the fence (I had the affair), the "addiction" that comes from an affair is so overpowering that it might takes months, even years. Perhaps the most important thing is if your spouse cannot see, hear or come in contact with "the other person".

I was fired as a indirect result of the affair which ended last month.

I am trying to cope with my wife-give her support but I really miss the woman in Texas as I became emotionally attached to her.

Good luck Roxie----your going to have your up days and down!!!

Which part of the fog hasn't lifted? Is he in IC? How long has NC been in effect?

My FWH's fog started lifting a little right before dday, then after NC established he started seeing things more clearly everyday. Seeing my agony, kids pain, seeing how OW reacted, all the reading on Infidelity, reading this site...all contributed to fog lifting. I would say he was mostly out of fog in 1-2 weeks and completely out within 3-4 weeks. Now the processing the A stage and figuring out why he did it and how to cope better with problems took a few months of IC.

Dday was 4 1/2 mos ago - A was 2 yrs 8 mos - ow lives down the street from us. nc put in effect entire 4 1/2 mos but, living so close H has since seen her from a distance twice and called once - he admitted to all three. Call was due to us fighting and my packing my bags to leave (he says he can't face being alone which I believe is true).So, last actual contact was 3 1/2 mos ago unless he is lying again.

I read all your posts Randyrail and it did give me some insight - some similarities exist - my H lost his job over it too and, while they were together the ow was chasing after other married men. But still he couldn't see it. Dday was also the day he lost his job - it was NOT his choice to end it although he says he tried but couldn't. He has lied to me so much I really don't know what to believe from him.

My H still isn't ready to face all the pain he has caused us - maybe that is why the fog is still there? I just keep going one day at a time and have been reading so many of these posts. If I didn't have this, I would have lost it already.