I am not sure some of you remember me, but last month, I was terminated frommy position in Texas because I had become involved in an office affair with a woman in HR. The affair lasted three months but was so emotionally charged and felt right, that I fell in love, despite my faithful wife living in Chicago.

The woman in Texas began another affair with another married man at the very end of our short lived relationship. Most of you will think I am scum and I know I will get my share of horrible responses. However, I do want to point out to the group that I am working with my wife on why the affair happened and we are also seeking professional counciling.

I was fired one day after I found out about the new affair. Looking back at what happened, I realize that I had no other choice to either resign or be fired. See, I could not work in the same office with this woman and I could not see her for one second. I am sure the support staff/group would agree that once you have an emotionally/sexual affair with someone in the office/workplace, it is difficult to part on positive terms when the relationshipends. In this case, my affair ended so violently, that her new lover (he also was married/two kids) was asked to leave and be reasigned and she was given a written warning. She left a threatening voice mail message that I played back to HR. Iam sure that is why she was given a written warning.

The woman I had the affair with had been married twice, her second yielded two children, one from the first. Before the divorce was final, she had the affair with me and then once that was done, she started another affair with another married man.

I know what I did was wrong!!!! I know most of you are saying "what about your wife".

I have not forgotten her and we are trying to put the pieces back together. It has become a nightmare though as I go back in time to when I was sitting on a porch at night with candles burning, listening to country music.

When your in a affair, it becomes so intense and feels so good that your oblivious to everything/everyone.

When it's over, your left with a nightmare.

I LOST EVERYTHING!!!! I LOST TRUST FROM MY WIFE, I LOST A JOB I HAD BEEN DOING WELL IN AND I LOST MY RESPECT FROM MY KIDS AND MYSELF!!!!

I REMAIN SO OUT OF IT, THAT I CANNOT EVEN LOOK FOR A NEW POSITION.

ANY THOUGHTS FROM THE GROUP???

Oh, how I wish you would talk to my WS. What most husbands/wives don't understand is that their spouses basically forgive them of their affairs. However, it is the aftermath of continuing the affair that destroys. My WS just doesn't understand. I told him that while it was in no way my fault that he turned to another woman, that I understand some of the background for doing so. Unfortunately, my WS is still in his fog, which, as I mentioned before, is the reason for my frustrations. I consistently tell him to log into this site, as it is so helpful. I do feel sorry for you because you became wrapped up, but as a spouse, the most important thing you could do to bring it back together is the gift of time. Spend time with your spouse, make them feel special and important and show them that you are doing everything possible to make things work out.

My thoughts are you need to turn your energies into family stuff. Do things with you wife. Are there any children? Do things with them. Look for a job so you can do your part as a provider, as you force yourself to do these things, they will start becoming more natural and real.

Facing the demands of rebuilding is never easy, not on the BS and not on the WS. There is almost always a period of "h*ll on earth" while the WS is feeling guilty and "put upon" and the BS is feeling an urge to punish their WS for putting them in this position in the first place.

I am sorry that you lost your job, but you're correct, staying would have been worse for all concerned. Get off your duff and start looking for a new job...TODAY! Being unemployed will only increase the stress you and your W are laboring under.

Yes, you are depressed...but you can't wait to get motivated...to become motivated, you must "move" and begin, as you begin the motivation comes. Not the other way around.

You did NOT lose everything...but you did lose a lot. However...your W and your children are still there...by the grace of God and the love they hold for you. APPRECIATE this fact!!!! You can reclaim the trust you threw away by showing your W and family that you are worthy of their trust. You can chose to regain your own self-respect and the respect of others...by doing those things and living your life so that you are respectable. Much you lost can be reclaimed/regained...but not by wishing!

Good Luck on finding a positon soonest and in walking the healing path together with your W, supporting each other as you travel.

ARE YOU CRAZY? Why do you care if this OW dumped you? Let me get this correct! You have a wife at home who loves you 100% and you are crying over what you think is love? Get over it and think of your wifes needs!So what if this OW is still employeed! How does relate to your wife's needs?? Have you done something nice for your wife? Have you looked in your wifes eyes and tell her how much you are truly sorry for what you did? Look in her eyes and tell her how much you really love her and that she means everything to you! Tell her that you don't want to give her up for some fluzie that just wanted sex and a "goodtime". Honey it looks like you fell for something that is not real! WAKE UP and take a look what you have. Your poor wife's heart is probably in a million pieces trying to figure out what she did to deserve the treatment that she got!
Make it up to her if you really do love her! Do you? It sounds like to me you are feeling sorry for yourself and Honey that's not going to help her! For get about what the OW did! HISTORY! Start the healing process on your wife! You are extremely lucky to have someone so loving and forgiving!
Start giving your wife all the attention that was lost! And be geniune! If you really love your wife, this should come easy for you! Good luck and keep me posted!