Does anyone have a GOOD (professional) explanation of "FOG"? Perhaps a link?
I'm looking for the types of things a WS might say or do and would like to compare notes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks!

You were just recently the WS yourself, don't you know how you thought?

To a point..but I was looking for something....anything in writing that could reinforce what I might already know.

You know? Like Dr. Harley says FOG is:

That movie sucked too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If you are looking for a hard "webster's" definition I don't think you'll find one.

The "fog" in my situation was that my lovely wife, was in love with the OM and I couldn't compare. She is a very loyal person, so to stop loving him and put her heart into our marriage was impossible. I don't even think I would call it fog because doesn't that burn off eventually? The combination of her love for him and her lack of feelings for me made it impossible to put her heart into recovery.

Basically I think that the involvement with the OP distorts what is really happening. I can't really blame my lovely wife for feeling that way because why would she pick fixing a broken marriage over the good stuff she had with OM.

This "fog" is hell to witness but it is probably just as hard on the WS just in a different way. In my A there was no fog, maybe a slight haze because I got to feel appreciated a little.

who knows really?

Yes that movie was pretty bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

As I said under another topic...I'm not sure the OM has as much to do with my wife's wanting out of the marriage. I believe I AM the main reason...I don't want to be fighting the wrong battle here, but I'm afraid that's what I'm doing.

Questions going through my mind now:

Is she in a "fog" because of her feelings for this OM?

Is it just too difficult for her to trust me and believe in me again?

Is it too difficult for her to trust me and believe in me with the OM around?

Is she comparing how this OM makes her feel to how she's been feeling with me?

I'm 90% sure she can't move out of our home any sooner than 2 months from now....is this enough time to prove my worth to her and convince her that I'm prepared to make permanent changes to myself in order to keep us both happy and together?

Spring is here...I think this will help since there is new plant life in the yard (damn moles!)...sounds silly but I think it could only help. If we start planting and doing yardwork together, it will be a good sign....I think. Also, we will be opening the swimming pool within 4-6 weeks.

Am I grasping for straws here or can the above-mentioned things actually be helpful?

I do NOT have the link you're requesting...I'm sure it's here somewhere, but I couldn't find it.

HOWEVER, I don't think your W is in the "fog" as discussed here, or if so, it's only a light mist at this time.

I believe a more informative link for you would be.... web page

You've got to remember, this is NOT about your W and the possiblity that her friendship with this OM is "foggy"...although, if you can't become the husband to her that she needs and wants...it may evolve into a full blown affair or she'll just walk without OM being a factor at all.

This is about you're being gone from the marriage for much too long. You took for granted that "she will always be there, when I've got the time to give her"...and sometimes, we're not willing to wait around cooling our heels until our spouse find the time to graciously grant us a portion.

1. No, as above, I don't think she's in a fog.

2. It may not be TOO difficult, but it is very difficult. She is scared to trust you with her heart...fear is a major issue in recovery from betrayals.

3. The OM may or may not be making things more difficult, it really depends on where that relationship has evolved. If she depends on him too much for the emotional support she needs, then it can make it harder for her to switch from him who hasn't yet hurt her, to you who has.

4. Yes! Sorry, I know that hurts. But she is going to be not so much camparing him and you, but how much less stress she has when she isn't with you and comparing that to when she is away from you with anyone else.

5,6, & 7. Yes, all those things can factor in on showing her your commitment to the marriage and to her. Consistent behavior, kindness, attentiveness, caring...and joint planning for the near future...all good items to work on.