My wife is coping. And that's about it. Coping.

My wife knew about the affair about two months before it ended. She was prepared. She hired a detective to take pictures. That was done in February.

She was crying out for me to please stop it. I walked around not hearing her. I thought she didn't have anything on me.

When the affair ended, I came crying back to her.

Sure am an ungrateful [censored]. That's what I am.

She cries and I try understanding. But I am without a job right now so I have to work on trying to find a position.....again.

Say I wonder. What is the suicide rate after an affair has ended??
WHAT I LOST?
I LOST MY JOB BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR
I LOST ANY TRUST FROM MY WIFE BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR
I LOST MY FRIENDS RESPECT BECUASE OF THE AFFAIR.
I LOST MY FAMILY'S RESPECT BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR.
I LOST MY SELF CONFIDENCE IN WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG BECUASE OF THE AFFAIR.
I LOST ANY FAITH IN MYSELF, BECUASE OF THE AFFAIR.

I LOST SO MUCH......BECUASE I THOUGHT OF MYSELF FIRST AND ONLY FIRST.

WHY DID THIS HAPPEN????????

Man please don't take this the wrong way but take responibilty for your actions. You did this and you let this happen - this was no unforseen force. You are almost starting to remind me of the people that sue because they eat fast food and are overweight or the people that sue casino's cause they gamble away their whole life savings. Get a grip and step out of yourself and take a look around you. All I see in your post's are I and ME --- stop being selfish and feeling sorry for yourself. You comment about suicide too gave you away on what I mean about being selfish. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about yourself and your wife or really a lot about your wife. You got to find some happiness in your life for yourself and not blame outside forces for what you do and what happens to you.

Awesome reply Promise.....coming from the BS side, there would be no better response than what you provided. WS's have this fixation on I, ME, ME, I, what I want, what I need, what is important to me.....like I told my WS...grow the hell up and take responsibility for your actions. You have two responsibilities that deserve more than monetary support; however, until you are ready to acknowledge that the world doesn't revolve around you, well, there is no use wasting breath.

Good Job!

Randy:

You've made a great first step in coming to MB.
I've been reading your posts, and I feel for you and your wife. I was first a BS, then WS, then BS again, so I've been around this block a few times. My H and I are very close and in love, and we consider ourselves recovered. We also know that our personal boundaries must be clearer and more strict than many other people's.

You did not LOSE those things you listed...you gave them away of your own free will. There's nothing you can do to change that, but you CAN start over and rebuild a better life and marriage.

Your posts are WAY too focused on you and the OW. Stop talking about her (except when your wife asks questions), stop obsessing about her! Your "relationship" with OW was a fantasy and a habit. You must replace the habits of thinking about OW (and talking to her, etc.) with new habits. How about every time you think fondly of the OW you hug your wife...or think of 3 reasons why you love your wife and should think about her instead. You MUST take control of your thoughts (and your life) if you are to recover.

You said in another thread that the "specialness" isn't there with your wife anymore. That's because you stole the specialness from your marriage when you committed adultery. YOU have to put the specialness and spark back into your relationship. Your wife is devastated and just trying to survive this. She should not be responsible for making you feel special right now. To be honest, you don't deserve it YET.

Give your wife time to heal. Stop focusing on OW and start focusing on healing your relationship with your wife/family/friends. Start marriage counceling. Find a new job. Read "His Needs/Her Needs" and "Surviving an Affair" -- give them to your wife to read. Find out her Emotional Needs and start meeting them.

Recovery takes work and sacrifice, but IT IS POSSIBLE. You might as well start now.

GOOD LUCK!

Lori

hmmm...well...let's see:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife is coping. And that's about it. Coping.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She cries.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's what you wrote in regards to "How is Randy's Wife Really doing????"

Now...what about the rest of your post:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But I am without a job right now so I have to work on trying to find a position.....again.

Say I wonder. What is the suicide rate after an affair has ended??
WHAT I LOST?
I LOST MY JOB BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR
I LOST ANY TRUST FROM MY WIFE BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR
I LOST MY FRIENDS RESPECT BECUASE OF THE AFFAIR.
I LOST MY FAMILY'S RESPECT BECAUSE OF THE AFFAIR.
I LOST MY SELF CONFIDENCE IN WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG BECUASE OF THE AFFAIR.
I LOST ANY FAITH IN MYSELF, BECUASE OF THE AFFAIR.

I LOST SO MUCH......BECUASE I THOUGHT OF MYSELF FIRST AND ONLY FIRST.

WHY DID THIS HAPPEN????????
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hmmm...and this post was about????

Still...ME ME ME it seems. I'd like to see Mrs. Randy post for herself!!!!!!!

To answer your question of why this happened:

YOU CHOOSE TO BETRAY YOUR WIFE AND MARRIAGE! DUH!

Did you really believe that only your feelings mattered in all this? Did you believe that you were in a vacuum and that your actions and choices had no effect on anyone else? Did you really believe that when you do something wrong...you never have to pay the bill?

As to suicide...it happens both to the WS and for the BS. Luckily, not too often...but it is the selfish cowards way out. (And yes, I've been that selfish coward myself...so I do know of what I speak.)

Nothing seems to have gotten through to you. Your posts no matter how they start out, always end up about "ME and I".