posted April 24, 2003 05:33 PM
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Hello, this is Randy's wife!
I have just read all the polls that Randy has written and all the responses from all of you! THANK YOU for all your support! I am hoping that he takes your advice seriously. Although I feel that he likes to play poor pitty me! I am having a hard time dealing with what he had done to me and our marriage! He left us at an extremely fragile state in our marriage when he took that job in Texas! We had everything going against us to begin with. Our youngest son having major surgery, the fact that we could not afford to move down there due to financial reasons and so on! Yes, I hate it there! It isn't a nice place to raise your family! But I had no choice later on to move down there!
What upsets me the most is the fact that all the things I dreamed of doing with my husband, he did them with her! I asked him several times to do such and such and there was always an excuse! I am so hurt and devestated over this! What is so sad is that I trusted him! I never thought in a billion years he would do this to me! So out of character for him! He is generally a nice person! Although this pitty me act is getting pretty old don't you all think???? But I keep asking him what does he want to do? He says he wants to save this marriage but on the other hand he is giving me different signals! I am almost at the point to call it quits because I can't stand to see him pout over this slut! And the fact that his arms were around hers and she did all sorts of things to him made me lose my idenity! She did more than violate me! She made me into nothing in his eyes! I wish I can confront her! But what good is that going to do?
Did anyone find it hard just to go out to the store? I also hate listening to the radio because I am afraid something might trigger my mind of him and her! Or if he is around he might think of her! When the truth was laid out on the table when I found out that they actually slept together, I had a crying spell for at least two days! Faith Hill's song; "Cry" is a good song to cry over! But he listen's to the cd and gets upset over her! AM I AN IDIOT?????? Do I count? Do I need to get out of this marriage???? I can't put my feelings aside. I still love him! That new feeling that he writes about is definitely gone but I had brought my feelings to the next level! I somehow believe that he thinks once that "new" feeling is over with, the love is gone! He is going to be 37 next week and he has the maturity level if a 14 year old!
The pain is so numbing that I cannot fuction in a normal life! Weird thing is, I want him around me but when he is i want to hate him and beat the living day lights out of him! He will never experience the pain that I am going through! Only if he knew. Maybe his whole attitude would change! I need some advice and healing! Oh, we are seeing a MC! She said that he lacks empathy! Hummmmm! Self centered people are like that!

RAS
The world feels pretty lonely right now even though my friends are around!
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Posts: 42 | Registered: Mar 2003 | IP: Logged |

fudd
Junior Member
Member # 26487

posted April 24, 2003 09:32 PM
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Hello,
I don't feel comfortable addressing you simply as Randy's wife. In Past posts I have refered to you as Mrs. Randy, but You are important, as yourself, not as an appendage. How may I address you with the respect that you deserve as the unique individual that you are?

This site is for YOU, as well as Randy. You sound like the mature half of the marriage, so I am sure that you are the one who is holding the marriage together at the moment. At the present Randy is not ready to see anyone but Randy and his problem. Many of the people on the forum have been in the same position that you have found yourself in today. They have learned how to work through it, and are here to offer support to both You and Randy.

Since you have read the posts, you are well aware of that. I have been hoping that you were reading along, and seeing that you are important to everyone here. Randy might have found this site, but he has not hit bottom yet, so he might not be ready to take advantage of anything it has to offer. You, on the other hand, are mature enough to see the advantages offered. Please stay with us! Talk with us, and help yourself to the experiences and advise available.

We have been violated, raped, degraded, Dragged through the pits of hell and generaly treated with less respect than toilet paper. But We are fighters,and survivors. You are too! You have proven that by being here. That is a good beginning to the fight. Look around and see how many there are in your corner cheering you on.

You asked "AM I AN IDIOT??... DO I COUNT?? Let me assure you that you are NOT an idiot. Boy, how many times did I ask myself that same question? Heartaches cause you to question everything about yourself, and nothing is so lonely as feeling that no-one understands, or cares about "your" pain. As the mature one you are supposed to "suck it up" and not have anything but support and pitty for the poor misunderstood creature who was sooo taken advantage of by the evil seducer.

Sound familiar? How did I know? Ask anyone here, we have been there and done that. Just stick with us and one day you will answer posts and say, " I was once where you are, so I understand." Eventualy you will post, "but now I am recovered."

Let's get started on your road to recovery.
Agape. fudd.

Welcome Mrs. Randy...I am so glad you choose to begin speaking for yourself here so that we get a more complete idea of how both you and your H are feeling.

First...let me tell you that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. The emotional overload, the jumping from one emotion to another without any warning, the lack of sleep, eating, being scared of the unknown. Being angry while at the same time wanting his arms around you. All normal!

Your marriage can be saved, it can become stronger and healtier...IF BOTH you and H are willing to do the hard work needed. A marriage is a partnership and both partners must be fully involved for a successful partnership.

hmmm...You're H lacks empathy??? Don't think you'll get any arguement about your MC on that one!

While I know that each of you are in pain...it does seem that he's much more interested in his own pain then in any pain he might have caused anyone else. I know that's why I've gotten so harsh with him. (Do believe I am one of the ones he would prefer not to reply to him.)

You're correct he will never experience the pain and sorrow that you are dealing with right now. He hasn't a clue and his inabilty to accept or even feel the smallest amount of empathy for your pain is troubling.

Please continue with MC...you might also think about both of you going into individual counseling for some time.

Be sure to read the information here on site. There is a lot of valuable information. Some which will explain what each of you are going through. Take from this information what you feel will benefit your situation.

Good Luck! Glad you chimed in!

Thank you for your reply! You all may call me Ali, short for my middle name!
It is nice to know that someone can understand how I am feeling! The loneliness is the hardest part! Well, maybe the feeling of abandonment!
Oh Heck, it's just a hodge podge of emotions that are very difficult to deal with!
Everytime I feel that I get one step towards a movement to go foward, I feel that we take huge steps backwards! Did this happen to any of you? Oh, and please, I am glad that you are telling him like it is! Not sure if it is soaking in! You know, maybe NASA should take a look at him for being so resiliant against damage! Randy used to be somebody that was extremely sensitive! What happened? I think the the real him might have just come out?????
I don't want to use this site for a complaining session and I don't want to feel sorry for myself. Have too much of that going on around here! I just feel like I am doing this all by my self! I mean with him!
Randy hit rock bottom? Gee's if he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, then I am afraid for the worst!
Do I want to be around when it happens????
I just don't understand how he can put 15 years behind us over 3 months of some slut (I hope that doesn't offend any of you) that needs severe emotional help! She used my husband which sick enough I am glad that is what came out of it! But he claimed that he fell "HARD" for her! I feel so stripped!
What now? I cannot do this by myself! I have two small kids that need my attention and I am such a bubble head can't even do anything with them! I am just here making sure that they are fed and that they can't hurt themselves! I do kiss and hug them a lot! I don't neglect them. I just can't stay connected like I used too!
We were supposed to have a kid free weekend tomorrow! But what he wants to do is the same thing that he did with her??? Though, I dreamed of one day of doing things and did mention it to him! But I don't want to live in her shadow! Will he be thinking; "This is what I did with her"" I miss her"! He told me that he can't turn her of like a light switch but gosh poopoo darn it, he did that to me! Why is it so easy for him to so that to me???? This is the part where I want to call it quits! I don't want to live in her shadow! She should have lived in mine!!!!!!!!
I am not a drinker by all means, but man, does a drink sound good right now!
I have to look back and see what you all recommended for the first step here!
By the way, We met when we were both young. I was fresh right out of high school (18) and he was a junior in college! We dated for 8 long years with one major break up to date other people (his idea)
and got married in 1996! After that our marriage due to his jobs in the last couple of years has been topsy! Because we been through so much I, thought we could conquer anything! FOOL! Again, I thought he loved enough that he wouldn't do this! If I didn't trust him first, I'd be down in Texas with him dispite our son. But then, if my trust wasn't as strong as I thought it was, I wouldn't be married to him! Which leads to, I don't trust him so what do I do???? Must go back and read your replys!
OK, I am just rattling on. I really do appreciate your eyes and giving me the support! THANK YOU! I will continue to tune in!
Ali!

Just checking in on this situation as well - I feel the same as you, how could he have done that. The time and energy it took to be with OW he could have been with me. It really hurts.

FUDD - what do you mean when you said "hit rock bottom". My husband sobbed like a baby yesterday for hours. I am sure he is clinically depressed - but not ready to get help yet - says he wont be pressured into that - but is thinking about going to doc next week. He has a counselling session booked for the 10th of May by himself. I think he has hit rock bottom, but what are we the BS supposed to do - They say we can't do anything to make them happy. They have to be happy with themselves first. He is feeling bad for hurting so many people, but then he changes personalities like - I need time and space and no pressure.

Ali - Sounds like you H is still being selfish with respect to his happiness - mine is too. The best you can do is not vent your anger in front of him, do not be confrontational about the A - let it be for now. As much as we would all like to kick and scream, remeber it takes more energy to be angry than to be calm. You will feel better if you have an outlet for your anger other than venting it verbally to him - I run and run long. I decided to train for a marathon (May 24th) and I will finish this goal without or with my H support or input. It has been a great outlet for me over the last 5 weeks. My emotions have been all over the road. I sometimes feel like I am through the worst of it and then bam it hits me again. I hate it when that happens. How can one person you love in life hurt you so badly??

Anyway, I am rambling, just thought I would ask Fudd that question and give you a little thought today.

ALI...recovery is a process, one of learning and making some major mistakes. We've got a goal, but not a blueprint on how to go about getting there.

The feeling that you've been abandoned and left, even with H right there beside you is a normal one. He did leave the marriage...and what's worse is he left without telling you he was leaving. Trust is going to take a LONG...I repeat...LONG time to be reclaimed. It's not just the trust of fidelity, but the trust that he means what he says about how he feels and what is going on with him.

Most of us look at our WS and wonder what alien came in and took over our spouse's body. They become strangers with a familar face to us. We find that the words coming out of their mouths are from left field and we've a sense of complete "unrealness" to what is happening. We struggle to find acceptance that our life has gone awry and that we have no control...not even over ourselves.

I am amazed at your courage and strength dealing with his withdrawal. He is putting you through h*ll with it. Don't think I've seen very many who are on such a "pity me party" as he has been here on this board. (Think I would have taken the old trusty iron skillet out of the pantry by now...good for you that you haven't.)

This site is a wonderful site for venting/complaining...that's part of why we are here. You need an outlet where your feelings will be validated...while at the same time, you'll get some honest advice on how best to go about find control of those emotions.

When I discovered my H's betrayal, it was similar to your H. It was short-term, less then four months, with a co-worker...and my H had invested much more in the affair then his affair partner. He too cared deeply for her, while for her, he was only one in a string of betrayals to her own H. His ego was very damaged by this realization AFTER the affair was discovered and he chose to end it. It took him a long time to come to terms that HE was the one who had been the fool. That his emotional connection to her was made of smoke and flash, but no substance.

While my H was definitely much better at empathizing with my pain, then yours...I think if he had been willing to voice what he was going through, he too would have sounded much as your H does. The male ego is so fragile...and often so stupid! (sorry guys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...but it does seem to be the case for some of you.)

YOU will NEVER be in her shadow. Your life is the one in the light, from what your H and you have written of her...her life is always in the darkness as she sets her web. It does sound as if your H fell for a "pro" at betrayals. She knows how to play on the man, she doesn't invest anything of real value, but she flashes her "fool's gold" and in the shadow where she lives...it seems to be real.

One of the hardest things to accept for the BS is the fact that the WS very often does indeed love his/her spouse before, during, and after the affair. The affair has very little if anything to do with the spouse at all. The affair is "outside" of his/her life, it is separated into a realm where no one really lives fully. It begins and ends in the encounter and goes back on the shelf when the encounter ends each time.

As for the first step...jmho...commit to the marriage, not so much your spouse. Then seek out some outside professional counseling, both individual and marriage for BOTH of you. Read what is offered here on site so that you have a better idea of what each of you are dealing with. Do the EN questionair and see if you can get a POJA worked up which you both feel comfortable with.

Good Luck!

Hi!
I hate dial up! For some reason I cannot download the questionaire? I would really love to see that!
By the way, I just had a major blow out with Randy! I have been angry all day at him because he lied to me and as been taking our oldest to TGIF's for a milkshake and a beer!
Got to go for now! I want to get that info thanks
Ali!

Hi Ali.

I will try and explain my comment about Randy hitting the botttom. He still has visions and dilusions of what he felt could have been with the OW. He also still has his self pitty to give him comfort when doesn't want to face reality. As long as he has those things to rely on he doesn't have to make an attempt to do anything which could turn into another failure. We have to wait until he reaches the point where he can no longer draw security from them, then he will be ready to reach out for help.

I know that this isn't of much comfort to you at the moment. and I wish that there was something that I could suggest that would hasten the process. But it is a process which we each work our way through. The rate of speed varies with each person. But still we want to rebuild on a solid foundation, so as you know, sometimes we have to wait for our partner to get to come down out of the clouds, or as it is said the fog.

Agape. fudd.

Sorry, allow me to clarify.

Rock bottom is different for each individual. And not everyone has to go there before recovering. For some it is as simple as a sudden realization that " I messed up", while for others, the world has to be on the verge of ending, unfortunately some never get there even when the world does end.
Agape. fudd.

YOU will NEVER be in her shadow. Your life is the one in the light, from what your H and you have written of her...her life is always in the darkness as she sets her web. It does sound as if your H fell for a "pro" at betrayals. She knows how to play on the man, she doesn't invest anything of real value, but she flashes her "fool's gold" and in the shadow where she lives...it seems to be real.
*********************************************
This is Randy, her actual husband!!!

Perhaps this response and the quote above really says it all. She was a pro and even though she said she cared, all it took was another married man to pay attention to her and I was history.

I did invest time and the feelings seemed real.The affair was wrong and the damage that the affair has had, so powerful.

We can't go back and now it's like a jigsaw puzzle that needs to be put back together.

Unfortunately, I am having a hard time coping.

Hi Ali,

Let me first say that you are in the right place for what you are going through. May I also suggest set yourself up with your own screen name. That way no one will confuse you with Randy.

You will get good adice from people here. "Just a wifey" has a pretty good handle on things and gives outstanding information.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh Heck, it's just a hodge podge of emotions that are very difficult to deal with!
Everytime I feel that I get one step towards a movement to go foward, I feel that we take huge steps backwards! Did this happen to any of you?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It sure is, you'll hear to refered to as a "rollercoaster ride", because it feels like one. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, and please, I am glad that you are telling him like it is! Not sure if it is soaking in!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is one thing you will see plenty of here is people telling things like it is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Randy used to be somebody that was extremely sensitive! What happened? I think the the real him might have just come out?????</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is what I thought about my W at one point. But after reading through the stuff here, "Torn Asunder", "His Needs/Her Needs" and "Surviving an Affair" (all very good stuff BTW), I learned that my W had changed into the person she has become. People are always changing. We just need to understand the reasons for the change and make sure we understand those changes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want to use this site for a complaining session and I don't want to feel sorry for myself.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very good. There are some here that seem to seek advice and are given very good advice, but either don't think it applys top them or too focused on complaining or wanting to get people to "be on their side".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Randy hit rock bottom? Gee's if he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, then I am afraid for the worst! Do I want to be around when it happens????</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That depends on how much you really love Randy and want to see your marriage recover.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just don't understand how he can put 15 years behind us over 3 months of some slut (I hope that doesn't offend any of you) that needs severe emotional help!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think any of us really understand how it could happen. Especially, those of us that really understood what we were promising our S when we said "I Do". You will find many of us here have indearing names for the OP (personally I like "Ratmeat" as used by a well known poster here on the MB Forum).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't want to live in her shadow! Will he be thinking; "This is what I did with her"" I miss her"!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't need to live in her shadow. If you do some of the same things (which you might at first), take the initiative and make it something he hasn't experienced before. Make a new memory for him and you. I did that with my W when we went to a place that she and OM went.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He told me that he can't turn her of like a light switch but gosh poopoo darn it, he did that to me!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sadly, it is probably true that he can't just turn his feelings for her off. And you need to understand that the feelings has for her are genuine. That doesn't make them right and I'm not saying that what he did was right. But none the less, the feelings probably are real and you need to know they are real. This way you can understand what he is going through too. I'm sorry to have to tell you this but, if you two are to recover, you have to recognize his feelings no matter how wrong to was for him to act on them. Cutting her out of his life will be like him losing a close friend or relative to death. If everything is done the way it should be, he will send her a NC letter and never see her again. He will have withdrawal and will mourne for his loss. It is a feeling he will have, don't deprive him of it. He needs to get through it in order for your M to get better. You will have your emotions to go through in order for the two of you to get better. You need to go through them too. That's why you will come here. To vent and rant and rave and cuss and scream. Don't do it in front of him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why is it so easy for him to so that to me???? This is the part where I want to call it quits!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">After going through this with my W, I found out that it wasn't easy for her, and I don't think it was easy for him. My W started out being a friend to a hurting co-worker going through a divorce. She didn't know where to draw the line and he started putting energy and time into my W when he should have been putting into his W. I was very much to blame for putting my W in a position to seek things from someone else, that she should have been getting from me. Hear what I am saying; "I was not meeting my W's needs". Someone else did. I even thought I was doing things right, the needs I was meeting wasn't important to her. I just thought it was. So I was really just spinning my wheels and she couldn't see the effort. I was loving her the way I wanted to be loved. We aren't all build to be loved the same way. It would be easier if we were.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because we been through so much I, thought we could conquer anything! FOOL!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not a fool. You can conquer this. You just need to understand what's going on and do everything you can to make sure this doesn't happen again. I say do everything you can becasue you are the only one you have control over. You don't have control over what he does. You can makes changes in you that will make you the person he fell in love with all over again. It can happen, and it does happen.

Ali, except for other issues like addictions, abuse and and other trauma, people don't just up and decide to have an A. You need to take a good hard look at yourself and try to discover what you need to change, what needs weren't being met by you and address those issues. I know it may feel like it's not fair for you to be the one that changes. I agree with you nothing in this is fair, but if you want to have your M better than it has ever been, you need to see how you might have contributed to the problems. Randy is here on this forum also he will be given advice on what he should do to build up the trust again, and show you that you are number one in his life. He too will have a hard path to take and like wifey said this is a journey. This journey has a beginnin(which is where the two of you are now), a middle (which is the hard part), but one both of you will need to go through, and a beginning, the beginning of where your M was supposed to be from the start. Where both of you are open and honest with each other, meeting each other's needs, protecting each other's feelings and having clear boundries for each other.

Both of you have the ability to start over with a solid foundation, making your M into one you both truely desire. Forgive him, be forgiven by him and let God be in the middle repairing the thing He designed, Your Marriage.

Blessing to you.

S&C

Hi S&C!
This is Ali again! I soon will get my screen name!
Randy's affair ended over a month ago! If the A would have continued then she could take him! Seriously! I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me! What is so frustrating is the mixed signals that I am receiving from him!
Randy started to push me away when he was unhappy at his "successful" job! When he doesn't get along with someone, his up bringing unfortunately, was taught to flee from the from the sceen! Kinda like what he wants to do now! So he left his job to go back to a corporate job! That job only lasted 6 weeks! I got pregnant on his first day of work! Celebrated if you know what I mean! And dooms day came right before 9-11!
I supported his feelings while going through the morning sickness, not interested in sex! It took him 5 months to get a job! In the meantime, I am gaining weight which he finds a total turn off. I on the other hand, was feeling a bit you know! But he didn't want to touch me! Well, that job crashed! Not his fault! Two bad jobs with in a year! And a pregnant wife/new son! Wham! I gained a heafty 55 pounds! Thank God I am back to "normal" Myself esteem is gone! He only finds me attractive when I am skinny! ??? (sick)
So back to being supportive listening to his fears and worries and trying to keep him from falling into a deep depression! I was worried about him. So Basically for two years I had to put up with his ego that became bruised during the spell when he lost jobs! I wanted to do things, I complimented him put it just bounced of of him! Soon, I built this wall around me because I got sick of being rejected! I didn't want to be hurt by his rejections because the way how he felt! I was always last in line!
He also made fun of my weight. He told me my A$$ is as big as the Grand Canyon! OK, and I wants to know why I am not interseted in sex????? I felt ugly around him! Very unattractive to him! But I kept that a big secret and fronted it off! I JUST HAD A BABY! God help me! Can't get a whole lot of lovin there!
Sometimes his rejections would cause me to snap at him! We used to be very affectionate people! I still am and crave it all the time! But what gets me upset it that I did tell him little things and he blew me off and did that with Ho-B*&^%$!!!
I want to know what I did? I aked him that and he can't give me a reply! I have always stood by him! I been through hell and back with him! He thinks I am out for his $$$! We don't have any!!!! Gee, he is not a millionaire! I love him for what he(has)had to offer! I could not wait to marry him and start the rest of lives together!
I begged him not to take the job in Texas because for many reasons. Like I said before we had so many things going agaist us! We lost so much cash from his job lose's. And when he was looking for a job outside of our area, we agreed that the job will have to have ABC&D! In order for it to be worth moving to what ever state he would interview for! Texas did not offer jack! We would loose everything! Right before he had interviwed for this company, we found out that our new son had to have major surgry on his skull. And the post ops where pretty intensisve where I would have to stay behind because the doctors are the best in their field! I did not feel comfortable with a new doctor and could not afford the airfare once a month back and forth to Chicago!
I begged him not to take the job! Everyone under the sun said don't take it except his Dad! Randy and his Dad made a decision that should have been kept in the marriage! Randy to that on yes and ran with it! Dispite my desperate pleas not to go!
He went! I cried for at least a week straight! I hated it when he would go on business trips for more than 3 days! Our marriage was in big trouble due to the trouble we were in because of what happened to his jobs!
I thought I was being supportive, I couldn't stand to see a perfectly capable guy like he is, so destroyed over what two companies did to him! He did nothing wrong except try to get different exposure! What a painful experience! His success at the Tx job gave him his confidence back! He was running around like a bachelor! This "ratmeat" of a @#^% wanted her talons in him from the start! He started to ask me questions, that were mind blowing! And when the kids and I came down he was so mean to me! He told me that he is not in love with me anymore! I called my sister balling my eyes out! He said he couldn't wait for us to come down there! Fooled me! Ok here is the killer! I had gotten really sick. I had to go to the hospital! Yes, that bad! The Dr wanted to admit me because they thought it was my gull bladder. I was supposed to leave teh next day! Man did he get pissed! He argued to the Dr. that he wanted me to go home! The dr. said she could be in serious trouble if I were to go on the plane and it expodes in mid air! My best friend lives in texas which was one of the stops. Because I did not want him to get more angry I told if I were in any pain, I would have my friend come get me at the airport! His eyes lite up and he got happy and was in such a mood! I felt so reject! I can't believe he wants to risk my life by throwing me into that airplane!
Well, I had to return to the Hospital. I got worse! And he was beyond pissed! Weird thing is, his little ho bag, worked in HR and Randy went to see her and when he came back with the forms for the hospital, he smelled good and make himself look really nice!
He watched me get on that plane and rushed off to see her! Back to her!
WHAT DID I DO? Besides of being associated with his old life!
Must go and feed the kids!
Ali!
By the way, I was told that I am so much better looking and have a wonderful upbeat personality compared to her! I know that I am not ugly but man do I feel it!