WOW, I just read some of your post and have to say that my prayers are with you all. I think the support on this board is awesome. I can relate to so many of you. I am becoming so depressed, I hear how strong you all are and wish I could be so strong.

I still do not know for sure if my husband of 16 years is cheating on me, it just feels like he is. He has distanced himself from me for some time now. Every weekend is the same thing he believes he deserves one day by himself without me. granted that is fine but like yesterday we spent most of the day together fishing, then when we got home he informs me that he is going fishing again with a friend. Never mentioned it before then, I just feel so disrepected. Since this lady has started working at the office he is at, he has been so into what he wears and being in shape. I check his cell phone all the time but have nothing. He has one of those phones where they can talk to one another through an intercome so I programmed his phone so that he could not recieve any calls from this girl at work, and for the longest time he did not mess with it. I noticed today that he had it reprogrammed again.

Snooping hasn't done me much good, and not knowing for sure is so hard on me. I have asked him and he thinks I am being controlling, which I think I have been lately too. I quess I am so afraid that he is with someone else that I want to know where he is at all times. I am going to read more on this board and hopefully can get a plan like some of you have. I am not sure where to start after yesterday I told him I feel like he is just waiting for our son to get through high school and he will leave me. ( he has told me before out of anger,that he is just putting in his time)Any advise would be appreicatated

Dear Lori,

Unless you are the unusually suspicious type...you are probably on to something. Can you just show up at his work with a picnic lunch or something? A surprise of course. This might be an idea if you suspect they are dining together...which would be really common.

Is this woman married? Maybe you can figure out her home phone number and see if any of those are on the cell phone...especially on the weekend.

I've heard of people hiring a private detective. I'd hate to resort to that, but you do deserve to know.

I'm sorry for your pain. It would be easier if you could just know for sure and deal with it.

My husband was indeed biding his time till the kids were all out of the house. It's called an "exit" affair. He was afraid to just leave and not have anyone to go to so he was waiting for someone to come along to help him get out. Kind of gutless in my opinion.

We are together now and in a great recovery just less than 4 months from D-day so don't be discouraged.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. You might want to check out the articles on suspecting affairs by Peggy Vaughan. Her husband had a string of affairs 30 years ago and they have made a wonderful life for themselves in spite of their trauma. Here's the link:

http://www.dearpeggy.com/affairsmenu.html

Stillwed

Thank you for responding! I am so lost at times and just would like to have the answers. I continue to pray and hope that all will be okay in the long run but at times I start to doubt and then get depressed. I don't want to be alone, I have spent my marraige taking care of my kids and my husband. I pretty much devoted my life to them and now I think I am losing it all.