Well it has been 2 months since I have written. It has been 5 month since d-day. The affair has been over for about 2 months and things seemed to be getting on track. Plan A in full swing. The other day the OW wrote him an email. I hoped he was strong enough not to respond but today I see I am wrong. I am not sure what he wrote her but in her email to him today she says "I miss you too" So I can only assume he told her he missed her. You cant imagine the dissappointment I feel right now. There has been no contact for 2 months and now it is starting again. I have his email password and I have been monitoring things this whole time. The email came today and my heart sank. He was not strong enough just to let things be. He had to write her. My husband does not know I have the password and I am not about to tell him. I read the email this morning. I thought about it and I deleted it. I cant bare to see this start up again. What do I do? Things seemed good, like we were getting back on track. We have not really talked about our relationship. He still wont tell me he loves me. We have a few problems in the bedroom as well (he wont iniciate sex). The other day when I dressed in something sexy he said I was forcing him and he felt sex was like a job. Any one out there please help.

I know your pain, your humiliation and your anger. I too am a BS and I feel the pain each and everytime my WS turns from me, whether it be when I initiate an act of intimacy or just a simple, basic conversation. It is moritfying...from all aspects of a BS. Unfortunately, there are two people to blame...your H first for being weak and giving in. However, I must admit, the OW sounds like a real b****. Why did she write him? Check his "sent" messages in his e-mail or try the deleted messages to see what he sent. I know it hurts, but you can find out who initiated the contact....As I am unsure whether my WS still keeps contact (I have a strong gut feeling he does, but that is here nor there), but I do know, that when he originally started to come back, she just persisted on keeping a hold of him. It wasn't until I started to let go and let hiim go to her that I learned that I started healing.

Unfortunately, I would confront your husband and tell him of your fears, your hurt and other mixed feelings. What I would not do however, is get incredibly angry. This will prompt further escalation of what already is a touchy subject. Start focussing on your own feelings and stop fretting about his, and you'll start to feel better about you. It is a minor setback, but quell it once. Tell your husband that you will not tolerate his behavior and that if he continues then you will have to take additional steps.

Thanks for the advice
I have only one problem. He does not know I have the password and I am afraid to give that info up cause then I wont know nothing. I know that she initiated the contact. When I found her 2nd email today she said I cant believe you actually wrote me back. Unfortunatley I have no way of finding out what he sent her. I have noticed a behavior difference since the 1st email. A chill has entered my house that was very warm for the last two months. I am going to be sure to address to him I have noticed a change in his behavior the last 2 days. I was bad and deleted her email in hopes that this might stop. We will see

hurtandalone,

You really should put a key logger on your computer to see everything. Basically what it does is it captures anything that is typed on the computers keyboard and put into a text file that you can read later. All you have to do is download the exe and run it from a directory on your hard drive (the text file is stored in the same dir as the program is run from). I would recommend hidding it in one he would not find. Here is a link to the utillity - it's free also and easy to use:
http://ntsecurity.nu/toolbox/klogger/

That way you can see what he is typing to the OW without him knowing it.

**Also one other note. If you are running nortons anti-virus you will need to tell the virus software to ignore the KLogger.exe file because it will think it is a trojan virus which really it is not.

<small>[ April 30, 2003, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: promiseherthemoon ]</small>

Hurtandalone....Promise's suggestion was a good one. If I may add, you should just "be prepared"....you already are aware of how words damage....keep focused and act accordingly.

I have a great program on the computer at home called Spectorpro. One problem, he never does it from home. We have our own business I need to get one of those remote install thing cause I never have access to his computer. Any advice out there on a good program?