Okay, I am in in the midst of another crisis of faith. That it comes at a time when I was on my path to personal recovery from WH's A's has thrown me for a loop. Like a popular radio station, the hits just keep coming!

To briefly update, WH is currently incarcerated for non-violent, "white collar" offense which may cost him his bar license. First D-Day was a real doozy. Since H's incarceration on 3/21, more revelations about other A's, when angry OW's came out of woodwork. A couple harassed me at work and home by sending vicious emails and attempting to gain entry into my condo building. I've contacted investigator and others to put a stop to it. I've LB all over the place, feeling justified in my anger. I was particularly outraged that WH's conduct put me in a position to be humiliated and harrassed. WH continued to be tearfully apologetic. We have resolved to work on marriage, including underlying issues such as our lack of communication, lack of trust, and his pathological dishonesty. We are to commence MC when he comes home on 5/31. H has also been in intense Bible study to work on cleansing himself.

I have resolved to support him and started IC to help me get through this. However, this morning, I received word that yet another OW, who had no idea he was married, contacted one of his brothers at their parents' home in NY. Apparently, WH told her he had to leave town because his mother had a heart attack! My brother-in-law contacted me very angry this morning insisting that I had a right to know what was going on. Now, despite WH's whole family knows he's incarcerated and about this particular OW. I had a very cathartic discussion with BIL, who was extremely sympathetic. I didn't castigate WH, as I'm sure there wasn't a thing I could have said that he didn't already know. I did tell him that WH resolved to tell me the "whole truth" (don't laugh please!) once he came home. Shockingly, his family are all on MY side. BIL said that their parents did not raise them to behave in this manner. Both of my BIL's want to visit him in jail. They and their parents still love us and actually believe this is something we can all get through if we pull together.

My problems: I'm in the same state now that I was back in February--numbness; anxiety; lack of appetite; wanting to cry at any moment (I can't because I'm at work); and finally, humiliated. The last thing we wanted WH's family to know about was this. Maybe it's a relief that they do know because I'm not good at lying and keeping secrets. This has been a tremendous burden.
That his family do not fault me for his behavior (shocking!) and want to help us is just mind-numbing. WH will be upset because his mother knows. When I talked to her a couple of weeks ago, I just didn't have the heart to tell her. I'm also humiliated that I chose someone who is dishonest--dishonest to the point that he lied about his family in such a way where OW was concerned enough to call and check because she had not heard from him!

I expect to talk to WH later today. I don't want to LB, but a part of me is simply sick of this--just sick of it. I'm tired and it would be so tempting to just walk away. Yet, I still want a life with him, but don't know if the aggravation is worth it. I want to give WH a chance to prove that he has changed, but am terrified of being disappointed. We end each conversation in prayer. I just don't know what to do or what to say at this point. No--maybe I do know, but don't know if I have the courage or faith to do it anymore.

JR01...my reply isn't going to be much help, but wanted to reply anyway.

Until you and your H have the chance to live under the same roof and work through all this, you're not really healing. Sure, you can work on your side of the marriage and your side of getting to a better place within, but really the marriage is a partnership and right now...one partner is missing in action.

Discoviers are still coming to light and until all this "new facts" become "old news", you need that numbness to get you through.

I think it's wonderful that his family now knows what you are dealing with and they are trying to be supportive of you and your efforts to keep your marriage together. Hopefully, they will be a valuable support system for both you and your H when he returns home.

Good Luck!

Thank you, JustAWifey! I know exactly what you mean about the one-sidedness of my recovery. I so want to give him another chance to prove himself. And, believe it or not, what you said does help and it makes perfect sense. That's why I felt at a loss sometimes when I kept track of others' recovery and their instituting Plan A and Plan B. I mean, how do you Plan A someone who is incarcerated? The only thing I could do was be supportive so he doesn't lose hope. He made me promise 3 weeks ago that no matter how ridiculous and crazy things got that I would not give up on our marriage. I think he knew some more revelations were coming. I promised him that I would stay to work on the marriage, but have to admit that a few days later, if I made a mistake and was giving him false hope.

And, yes, it is wonderful that his family has been supportive of both of us. I also have a sense that WH will feel sense of relief and peace that they do know and, while they are upset, they still love him and want to help him.

Thanks again for your words of encouragement!