(((((((((((((((HUGGS)))))))))))))
I am truly sorry that you are in this sad situaiton.
I too, didn't have the skills, understanding and coping skills in knowing how to deal with dishonest,deceptive person and felt so guilty.
However, I learned that discovering the truth is far more important to my sanity, family welfare to address the issues and take measures to find out the truth.
I can appreiciate how frustrating it is when one partner has perhaps a little overactive conscience and another partner has under active conscience.
You may wish to look at your situation from a different awareness perspective. You do have every right expect that your partner will conduct himself honestly with you and to explain what is actually going on in your relationship. How else can you get to down to the actual truth and work on/through core issues?
Would you agree that love, trust, respect are keys to a healthy stable relationship? The alarm bells of each virture going off are installed into us for good reason, and warrants boundry violation is occuring on some level.
What would your thoughts be about responiblitiy issues?
Isn't it the rightful responisibilty of onus here on your husband to clear up any of the misunderstandings which he is creating and address problems in your relationship by communicating to you directly or/& taking actions in a constructive course in suggesting you both visit a marriage councelor.
Would you agree you have the right to be informed and right to work out problems in healthy ways.
If he is having self personal issues and needs IC wouldn't it be the most loving, responible act on his part to, let you know and do what it takes for himself to get his head back on straight in a professional setting environment.
Truth,finding fact mission purpose here is for you to obtain accurate information.
Allows you to know exactly whats going on in your relationship and what's not. Paper trails, unexplained absenses, phone bills records, receipts etc. Quickly, seperates,converts fiction to reality.
Locating the truth& facts allows you to accurately measure the healthiness,authencity,quality flow of your relationship or lack of.
If hubby is indeed involved with a third party, you have the right to know. If he is crossing the hi fidelity lines, by being dishonest, demeaning, evasive, degrading you and dishonoring you. Would you condone his mistaken and misguided thinking?
In your situation you will find out that you do have the right to decide for self, to make informed choices to make adjustments and decide if you want to be engaged in nonconsenual affair, based on lust, deceit, manipulations.
Or continue to emotionally invest further engergies/expenditures with him under false pretenses in his possible selfish hard hearted state?
On another level he could possibly have other serious emotional issues/or bio chemical problems going on which might require an assessment from a astute medical professional if he is unwell. In that case as his spouse I am sure you would want to know and seek help for the well-being of your partner, your self, and family members.
Would you agree marriage is a two way street and not about all about one person?
If his behaviors and unfaithful actions are producing legimate concerns here which they are from what you descibe he needs to be responible/accountable here about what his intentions are.
Should there be a genguine misunderstandings on his part it is up to him to prove otherwise. His wanting to leave all of the sudden makes him even more suspect and gives the appearance of a greater tip of the ice berg of wrongdoings.
Hope you can obtain a good councelor to help you with your legimate concerns, and help chart out a course for you.
When I investigated my STBX at the time his stories and excuses. He turned out to be indeed a pathogical liar, bank statements proved his mismanging our families monies, spendings on other women, undersiderable friends, his work computer revealled a secret affair with a woman from his high school reunion, etc and the PI confirmed one of his many affairs.
Unpleasant as it was to get to the bottom of things the truth is so freeing, kinder than a cruel lie and relief to know that the problems weren't about me personally although I was the target, but rather his affairs were all about his twisted mind/heart.
Truth for me was learning about how corrupt his character really is and gave me the leverage to gain closure and decide that I didn't want to be married to a compulsive cheater, liar, and phony.
Hope you can spend a good deal of time here at marriagebuilders as you will find wonderful people, volumes of great advice and support.You will find many people who have worked hard in rebuilding their marriages from meltdowns.
