For years my wife and I have been talking a trip in the spring to the south for a vacation with our two kids. This year when we discussed it she said that she did not want to go because she is not sure that her feelings for me will be better (long and continuing EA with OM). <P>Our counseler is beginning to get dumbfounded and yesterday our seperate session said I should ask her to go one more time. If she says no, then I should take the kids and go without her. I said this will sure stir the pot and she said yes it will. <P>My question to the group is I have the following opitions.<P>1. Go as a family if my wife decides to go. This is the best option.<P>2. Go on a golf outing with a bunch of my buddies. Not a bad option and my wife says this is fine.<P>3. Take the kids that are 3 and 5 with me and my family on the vacation. Not a bad option but can be seen as a big LB. <P>Have been in plan A for 8 months with minimal LB. What does everyone think. Again the counseler who is seeing us both and now has asked to see us apart says take the kids.

i guess #1 and #3 get my vote. going away on your own may hurt the kids ya know.

I've taken my kids off by myself 3-4 times while we were separated. He usually used the opportunity to be with the OW. On some occasions that was the reason he didn't want to accompany us. But he probably would have been with her had I been in town as well, so it wasn't like it made a difference. While the affair goes on, it won't make a lot of difference to your wife where you are. <P>Parent those kids! They need a least one stable parent--two of course is better, but you can't control that. If you go on the golf outing...where will the kids be? Will she get babysitters or will they get to meet him? Asking her this is a LB, so you may just want to think it through.<P>I've had to make the decision you have to, its just cruddy and you can't insist on the best option--the family together.<P>God bless<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

No option number 2 did not include the kids they would stay with Mom. The 1 and 3 option are with the kids. Acutally my wife is a great mom to the kids so there are no issues there.<P>The most dishearting part about this is that she can't see things getting better by that point. That in itself says a whole hell of a lot on where her head is at.

You forgot another option-do go on a vacation with her but to somewheres different! Make it exciting! Do something that will inspire her to join you and the kids. Why do the same thing every year after year? Even if it's fun it stunts growth between not only you and your wife but leaves little exploration for the kids! Tell your wife you want to make this the most special time for the kids and it would help if she was involved. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Zip,<BR>I'm glad she's a great mom.<P>However, affairs, even EA, tend to dull the parenting skills. My H was a great dad...now he often feels the kids would be better off without him in the house. (My answer: NOT!).<P>You have evidence of where her head is, it isn't with you, and after awhile, it may not be with the kids either.<P>I could be completely wrong, but have you ever read CHRIS (CA123)'s posts?<P>You just can't count on anything when your spouse is having an affair. They often become someone you do not know.<P>

We go there becasue she likes to go there. I think the problem now is she just does not want to go. Sometimes a little proding might help.<P>

Lor,<P>I would say for the most part she has been a great mom. I do wounder though how she was able to pull off 2 to 4 hours on the phone with OM when we have a 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 running around. <P>When her and I talk I am lucky if I can get 5 minutes. You are so right her alligence has not been with me for sometime. I told her something that the OM's wife told me and asked her not to tell. She went and told OM and it got right back to his wife. Tells you who she values more. <P>I have read Chris' stuff and everyone else's. Great advice from everyone. So when you say her head is somewhere else you could not be more right.