Hi,
Yes I need to go on something! I was once on Zoloft due to my baby blues with my first son! And what a difference did it make! Right now, I am still nursing our youngest! He has been through a lot! His peditrician recommened that I don't stop the nursing until he is a little older and not so needy due to the operation and trama that he has been through!
I hope that there is an alternative that I can follow! I do need some help!
I did have some type of closure today! I had to call his old company in TX and I spoke to the receptionist. She gave me some info that made me feel so much better and I told Randy! He couldn't believe some of the info that I was told and now he feels very stupid! GOOD! Like reality check has finally checked in! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
By the way, Randy has a med evaluation tomorrow to go on meds and start to see a "shrink"! I am glad! But the conversation today was just what I needed to hear! I did not call there to seek it! I had to get a phone number of one of his co-workers for a reference and the receptionist has been dying to tell me! I got some inside stories of how she is and that not to any one surprise, she is not liked there period! They all wanted to warn Randy but it was none of their business! One of his coworker friends stopped his friendship with Randy because of what he was doing to me!
I am glad that some of then were sticking up for me in their own indirect way!
I still want to take a base bat and slam it against Randys head! Don't get me wrong, I am still very angey!
Oh, here is something funny and very embarrassing for Randy! Their E-mail that they wrote to each other somehow was circulated around the office! Ha! I say serves them right! One of the girls got into a screaming match with the hobag and told her off about what she did to Randy! Everybody said that Randy should have stayed and she should have been the one to have been fired!
Oh well, I look at it this way, It was time for Randy to be with his family and realize what he has!
I hope and pray that the meds will work right away and we will start the healing process!
Ali
Sorry, I don't proof these! So please mind my typo's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Thanks Note Dude! I love that name!

As you know, Randy(RR)never felt any type of remorse! That pitty me act is pit-T-ful! I wouldn't even give away the tickets to that act!
I do want our marriage to go foward! I want Randy to feel that spark again! But just reading his recent letters to me (pre hobag)he told me how inlove he is with me, that he missed me dearly, how he had a glow in his heart for me!
I don't believe for one minute that was a lie! What he was posting on MB was heart breaking. I am not sure what those feelings were or are? Anybody know??
But what is making me anxious right now, is that Randy has a lot of work a head of him and knowing that it's just the beginning is frustrating! But I am glad and hope that he sticks to it, that he is going to get help!
I do know that the Hobag is an emotional leach. What do you call a woman who uses men? Manizer???
She said all the right things to him to make him say some intimate stuff to her! She feed off of his words to get what she needed! OK guys, do you want to laugh? This is some what graphic, but she could not make him finish, if you know what I mean! Reach the top of the mountain!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
HA! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !
But, I have a lot of sadness and knowing that my husband was intimate and shared feelings with someone else, kills me to no end! I am trying to look ahead and fantize what our marriage can be!
Notedude, You showed remorse towards your wife right? Or did you do the exact opposite?
Let me know. I wish he would put his arms around me and be so sincere and tell me how sorry he is!
Ali

Hi Ali88! Yes, in answer to your question, yes I did show remorse. I felt horrible for doing it - and I knew from the second I began the affair with a kiss it was WRONG.
On D-Day (it was awful) my wife and I stayed up nearly the entire night talking and talking- but it was going over every single intimate detail in very graphic detail. We went over and over and over it repeatedly. When I would fall asleep from being so tired in the early morning she'd hit me to wake me up and continue her questioning. It was bad for us both.
She held resentment for the rest of our marriage - even though I never went any further in my PA with the woman than just kissing and petting some, my wife was somehow convinced that I had slept with this woman - which I hadn't. Some small corner of my mind kept saying to me that I should never ever do that no matter what and I listened to it.
Still, 4 years later, in Divorce Court, my wife remained convinced that I had slept with this lady and she refused to listen when I told her I hadn't...
She's still bitter to this day - and the affair was in '94. Needless to say, her and I don't speak - she lives in Alaska and I live in Texas. She did every vindictive thing she possibly could to turn our 2 children against me, my own blood family against me, as well as alienated me from our friends at our church up there...
Bottom line is: I sinned against my wife, God, and myself, and I will pay the price until the day I die. Affairs severely hurt everyone involved!
So it is that I sincerely pray for you that you and RR will heal from this - and if he gets the right attitude and begins counseling and stops feeling sorry for himself and begins treating YOU the way he should, I honestly believe your Marriage will not end up the way mine did.
POSTNOTE: My then-wife decided the following year to go out and have a full-blown PA of her own - complete with several episodes of sex, taking gifts from him, and he was a inter-racial person on top of that! Then she lied about it later and said it never happened, despite on our D-Day#2 she confessed the Affair in front of her Boss at work, the Pastor of our Church and myself...
She's still denying it, although I had the proof I didn't force the issue.
My bottom line is: Affairs suck!
Harold

Ali88...well, I see things are still pretty much a mess at your house...sorry that RR isn't getting his sh*t together.

What's happening now is like a "wound" (finding out about the affair) becoming "infected" (his actions post d-day) and spreading poison throughout the "body" (marriage). Sadly his actions of "today" will be much harder to overcome then actually healing from his betrayal. jmho

Now this doesn't mean that you and RR won't be able to overcome this "infection" in the coming months, even if RR doesn't get his act together for a while longer and continues to "infect" all efforts of healing on your part. It took several months of constant fights and arguements and loving for H and I to really began our healing path. But I truly believes the scars from the "infection" of our marriage are deeper then those from his betrayal.

Whatever you decide or even if you don't make a decision but leave it "open-ended", that's fine. You do what YOU want to do. If you want to stay and fight for your marriage and your family, then you stay and fight. If you want to stop fighting and just leave it all behind, that too is okay. Whatever you do...do it because it is what you need to do for YOU!

Hi Dude!

I am glad to hear that you did not have sex with this person! What is really starting to ruin me is the fact that I did not exist! Although he told me that when he would leave the hobags house that he felt so dirty and would vision my face!
He took all of our sexual intimancies, everything that we shared and gave them to her!I am hurting worse and worse each day!
Randy is now coming out of the fog due to what happened with what we found out today! He is such better spirits! I haven't seen him like this since the last visit he came in from Texas before the A had knowingly surfaced!
From some reason, I am feeling worse and worse! I asked a detail today and I am more crushed! He told me that the day he tried to end it with hobag, she called him and they went to lunch and he came back with make up all over his shirt! OUCH!
Oh my GOD! I can't hold back the tears right now!
I reread all of the advice that all of you had written and I feel that it is now bouncing off of me! The last three days he told me that he loved me! He means what he said! I told him that love is an extremely powerful word to misuse! To tell you all the truth I cannot put into words what I am feeling! Orchid, I am exhausted and I think I am finally coming to terms with my reality!
He devastated me!
Notebook, Where do you live in Texas? I am begining to have a thing about Texas! I have relatives in Austin. But I HATE McAllen! Are you in The Vally?
OK since the hurt has gotten worse than I thought it would be, is it going to get worse? I am seeking my Doctor about going on anti-depressants!
Notedude, at least you did not share the sexual imtimancies. You still hold that with your wife! When I knew those two were seeing each other, I did not think he would have sex with ho! But when he told that to my face, my world shattered!
I wish I still had that with Randy! It is gone some women swept it away from me!
I would love to dissect the brain of a woman who would go after a married man!
I want to run her over in my car and have his twinkie above my headboard! I hate them both for what they did to me! I hate them! I hate him for what he did to me. My husband who thought loved me! Now he says he wants to work on our marriage! Now he is feeling a little remorse. Why am I running away from that?
DAMN YOU RANDY FOR HURTING ME! WHY DID YOU NOT THINK OF ME? I STOOD BY YOUR SIDE THROUGH ALL YOUR DARKEST MOMENTS! I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU! YOU ABANDED ME FOR A F*CKIN SLUT WHO DID NOT CARE ABOUT YOU! I LOVED YOU INCONDITIONALLY! YOU ARE MY SNUGGLE AND YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THIS TO ME! YOU HURT ME! YOU TOOK MY WORLD AND GAVE IT TO HER! DAMN YOU!

Is anyone going to go the the Seminar in Orlando Florida?
Ali

Hi Ali88! I live in Granbury - which is the Northern edge of "Texas Hill Country" or to be more geographically correct - 38 miles SouthWest of Dallas/Ft. Worth. I've heard of McAllen but never been there, I don't even know where it is. I do know that Allen is in South-Central Collin County, which is just north of Dallas/Ft. Worth. I lived in Farmersville awhile, then met the lady I married. She lived in Ft. Worth, then we up and moved out here to the 'country' it's a nice little retirement town here - none of that big city noise, dust, smoke, gangs, etc.
Yes, Texas has been interwoven in my life since '94 - I was in Heidelberg Germany with the US Army when I met this lady I had the affair with - she's from Texas as well - and then I found out last year I have kinfolk in San Antonio whom I have never seen, let alone knew they existed. After getting out of the Army on Medical Disability Chapter, I chose to move to Texas rather than back to my home state of Virginia.
I can't stand the way peeps are in Virginia - so clannish and stuck up - at least in the town where I used to live before going in the Army. Folks here in Granbury are much more my style - laid back and friendly.
I might add that for your sake and healing, it is best for you to not ask for intimate/graphic details of what RR did with that 'thing' while he was in McAllen. It will only fuel your resentment and cause problems when you do that same sexual act with RR - and this is assuming and hoping you two can work this out and get back into the Marriage you once had and can have again. I personally believe that had my then-wife (right after my Affair in '94) had not asked such graphic details - I mean, Lord, every single detail over and over again, comparing notes, etc. ad nauseaum - it was unreal! I believe she carried her resentment with her - and it drove her to have her own sex-filled Affair on me the following year with some dude she worked with. Funny thing is - I never asked her for one single detail - hell, she didn't even give me his name - but I did a little 'snooping behind the scenes' and figured out who it was. When I told her, she denied it angrily and said it was none of my business. I let it drop after that - I mean, like, why make her lie further about the whole stinking mess? So, I guess I can say - truthfully - that I healed very rapidly from her Affair on me, but she never ever did heal from my Affair. To me, the bottom line is: no matter what kind of affair, whether it is a simple flirty Emotional one, or a full-blown Physical one with all kinds of sex - the end result is the same: shattering hurt and destruction of trust and a severe blow to your Marriage. I regret with much sorrow what I did and wish I could take it back and say it never happened. But since I can't, I have chosen to instead journal about it and put my feelings, hurt, anger, grief, and everything else onto paper. I have found that it is immensely healing and very theraputic for me.
Hope this helps you both.
Harold

Hi Dude!

McAllen is near Brownsville. A border town. Hidalgo county! Very different culture down there! It doesn't even look like Texas, more like Mexico! But it is growing! It is considered the "Jewel" of the Vally! I liked the tropical part of it but mainly that is it! The weather is way to hot for me! and not enough scenery! Nothing much to do there with your kids! San Antonio is about a 3 hour drive. But how often can you go up there???
Harold, he now wants to move forward and for some reason I am more devastated than ever! I don't want to torture myself any further, but the visual is very clear since I have the pictures of the embrasing in a kiss! I hired a PI! So I can catch him! I know that he would have lied to my face!
When he told me a few short weeks ago that he did not love me anymore, I believed him! He says he loves me now, I don't! You can't turn your feelings on and off like a light switch! So, I am feeling like I am being used!
About the sex part, I am scared! He will compare me! I know he will. My self esteem is gone! I don't feel attractive to him! I tried Fudds idea, but I can't feel that right now! I know I am very pretty, been told many times I should have modeled! I am constantly flirted with even with my two children with me! I know for a fact that she is not pretty! People told that to me and to Randy saying basically you gave your wife up for that? what is the matter with you????
But performing in bed! We dohave sex and I am not into it! Threes a crowd in this sex act! she is either in his mind or my mind! he told me that it takes her so long to reach the end! He told me that she jusy keeps going and going and going!
Me, I am lucky, I can reach as many as I like when I like! When he is done I can be too! I tried telling him she can't be too good in bed if she could not make you finish???? She can flaunt it, stick her small A cup boobs in your face but if she can't then she is no good!
I hope I am not embarrassing anyone! But the intimate part of it all is what is killing and the new experience!
Why do I feel worse?????
Sorry if I just keep repeating my self in these threads! I still love him very much but I wish I can just put him in a bottle!
Here is one other thing that gets me upset, when I hear our favorite songs, or songs that use to remind him of us or a situation where i was current in his life! Garth Brooks, The Dance, he now thinks of his time in McAllen which leads into ......sluty B*tch! Or a cheatin song because she dumped him, he feels like he was the one that got cheated on! So he relates that song to her!
OK one more vent! There was a song that I purchased because It helped me to feel close to him while he was away! Kelly Coffe's "When You Lie Next To ME". Nice to know that reminds him of her! Now do you know why I feel like I am living in her shadow! I print the posts and keep reading the encourage meant! It does help believe me!
I look forward to your reply!
Oh , RR job in texas made MRE's yummy!
Ali
sorry for typos! kids won't let me proof!

As a fellow Texan and someone who is moved by what you're going through I decided to respond only to tell you how very sorry I am.

I did respond to Randy's "poor me" post in an attempt to see that he had to forgive himself before he could ask it of his family. I apologize if I somehow, fed his weaknesses.

Anyhoo, I wanted to say that as a BS myself, I hear you. The day I had our 3rd little boy, (day after d-day) my H responded to my pleas to save our M and stop seeing OW with a huge sigh and eye roll and said "OK"... as though he was doing me some kind of favor! Although he eventually saw the light that memory will be with me forever. So believe me, I know what it's like to have your S betray you and be more concerned with his own misery, inconveniences, etc. than with the pain he caused you.

My H went through OW withdrawl also. I just didn't have the strength to throw him out, I was soooooo post-partum. So, I commend you for your strength. The only thing that really helped me through that time was remembering what SH had to say about addictions to OP and the withdrawl WSs go through.

But I have to tell ya.... a year later I still want to twist his B*lls until they swell to grapefruit size sometimes for what he did to me.

I want to say again that if my response Randy's post offended you. I'm a BS, too and it certainly was not my intention.

I made a typo!

"When he told me a few short weeks ago that he did not love me anymore, I believed him! He says he loves me now, I don't!"
I meant to say is that I don't believe him. Sorry if I confused anyone!

Lady, Did you feel like you were living in the shadows of the OW?
Where in TX do you live???
Did you read our the rest of our threads from a while back? He took the position right when our youngest was 3 months old and before his surgery! I (Thank God)did not have PD with our youngest. I had PD with our first! I was depressed about what was happening in our lives! But nothing like PD the first time. I could not imagine having that hormone rage and finding about my H. affair? What you must been through! I am so sorry!
Ali!

Hi Ali! Now I remember - I've been near McAllen this past Fall when my wife & I went to South Padre Island Beach - pretty wild place; we both love the water. Sounds like y'all have a good love life (the physical part of it) That is one of the things so tragic about Affairs - they just don't make any sense! Sounds like he went for some sleazebucket while he was on his own and didn't GUARD HIS HEART against attack on your marriage, therefore he fell for whomever came along, and that was bad. I'm sorry to say, you and him are going to have to find NEW songs for you - songs that have special meaning for you and him. For my Wife and I, we love Santana's 'Smooth' as well as 'From This Moment On' those were 2 songs we listened a lot to while we were engaged and we played them during our Wedding Ceremony! Those songs will always be special to us. I would drop the past (songs) and find new songs for you - they're coming out with new hits all the time. And when those old songs come on the radio, just change the station - you don't have to listen to them! I like G. Brooks as well, and I've always liked his song 'The Thunder Rolls' - and if you listen to the words, it's about a cheater and when his Wife finds out... well, she gets the ole pea-shooter and puts him 6 feet under. I'm not saying to do that, please! but I believe the song gives you a sense of how passions run high and hearts are shattered when Affairs enter a marriage. I say, you should let others be the 'judge' about beauty - you say they told you you ought to be a model and they're flirty with you even with your 2 children - that right there ought to tell you something! I know your feelings - and his are going to rage up and down in a symphony of confusion. Are you both in Marriage Counseling together? I know it will help you get this out. Have you read the Affairs Section on this Website by Dr. Harley? There are going to be consequences and fallout from this Affair of his for years to come. And regarding you two intimately, when my then-wife found out about my Affair in '94 we didn't have sex for 3 months afterward - I guess it was payback in a perverted sort of way - and who can blame you or her (my ex-wife) for not wanting to get sexually intimate with someone who has just blown your world away with something like an Affair! You do NOT have to feel guilty for telling him NO! It was him who couldn't exercise the SELF-CONTROL while he was away, not you! He needs to realize this, and quit feeling sorry for himself, as well as to put the past behind him and move forward with YOU - however long it takes. I read somewhere the saying: "It takes years to build up trust and confidence in yourself, and only seconds to totally blow it back to Zero." And in RR's case, and mine back in '94 how true how true! My former wife NEVER did regain trust in me, but then again, she was one who carried grudges over implied slights against her best friend for 13 years also. You don't come across as that kind of person to me, however, this is going to take time for you to heal and regain any semblance of trust in him. I believe you will reach a healing point, but you must get together in Marriage Counseling for that to happen. Reading the book 'Surviving An Affair' by Dr. Harley is much needed for you both right now - both of you! You should sit down and read the chapters together. I've read the book and it has excellent advice in it. There are other resources here, but please, begin with the Affairs Section in this Website if you haven't already. Print stuff out and make him read it. Talk about it together. Tell him he's got to get over this feel sorry for himself BS, realize and admit he was wrong, apologize to you, ask your forgiveness and God's forgiveness, and (pardon me for another of my fave quotes) "Get busy living or get busy dying" and he needs to read this Thread as well. It seems he bailed on several other threads when he started getting advice like this and he hasn't returned to them. He needs to read what was written to him - he asked for the advice when he began the thread and bailing on a thread he started is the wrong answer. May the Lord bless you both. Harold

Here's the Lyrics to that song I was writing about...

Garth Brooks - The Thunder Rolls

Three thirty in the morning
Not a soul in sight
The city's lookin' like a ghost town
On a moonless summer night
Raindrops on the windshield
There's a storm moving in
He's headin' back from somewhere
That he never should have been
And the thunder rolls
And the thunder rolls

Every light is burnin'
In a house across town
She's pacin' by the telephone
In her faded flannel gown
Askin' for miracle
Hopin' she's not right
Prayin' it's the weather
That's kept him out all night
And the thunder rolls
And the thunder rolls

The thunder rolls
And the lightnin' strikes
Another love grows cold
On a sleepless night
As the storm blows on
Out of control
Deep in her heart
The thunder rolls

She's waitin' by the window
When he pulls into the drive
She rushes out to hold him
Thankful he's alive
But on the wind and rain
A strange new perfume blows
And the lightnin' flashes in her eyes
And he knows that she knows
And the thunder rolls
And the thunder rolls

The thunder rolls
And the lightnin' strikes
Another love grows cold
On a sleepless night
As the storm blows on
Out of control
Deep in her heart
The thunder rolls

3rd Verse:
She runs back down the hallway
To the bedroom door
She reaches for the pistol
Kept in the dresser drawer
Tells the lady in the mirror
He won't do this again
Cause tonight will be the last time
She'll wonder where he's been...

Note dude,

I want to mention that God is very forgiving!
We are human! I you are truly sorry for what you did and have no bitterness, you will be forgivin!
If you are not sorry and think what you did was justified then, I would watch out!
I know as a christian that I have to forgive! I think God might understand that it might take me to my dealth bed to forgive her. I have accepted that RR cheated on me and the forgiveness I am not sure is there! Because I want to work it out do you think it is there? I can't tell! All I know is that I love him and still want to be with him! But the pain is so there! Something I have never felt before!
Ali

Oh my God!
I was justlooking for that song last night! Garth Brooks! That is exactly what I wanted to do in the video! But he is lucky I was 1200 miles away! My sister and I were going to stake him out and ambush him in the act! I think I would have killed her! Or pulled her by her stringy fake blonde hair right off him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong>Note dude,
I know as a christian that I have to forgive! I think God might understand that it might take me to my dealth bed to forgive her. I have accepted that RR cheated on me and the forgiveness I am not sure is there! Because I want to work it out do you think it is there? All I know is that I love him and still want to be with him! Ali</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Ali88! Yes, by your own words it IS there. You say: Because I want to work it out.. I love him and still want to be with him..
THOSE words are proof enuff that it is there! Despite your shattering hurt and pain, despite RR still farting around with this whole thing - YOU still WANT to work it out - that is proof in the pudding that you have the right heart and mind plus a will to work things through! It is now up to RR to get going on this road with you - hand-in-hand with the woman he vowed to love and cherish forever!!
I'd tell him he needs to get back on MB and read the advice that has been given to him - plus what you've written in this Thread: let him see firsthand that there are folks here who sincerely and genuinely care about him and you and want to see you two work through this and renew your Marriage.
Marriages CAN recover from Affairs - but it takes TWO, not one but TWO to make it work. You are the one. He is the other. TOGETHER - you can and will work this through and I believe once you make it through this, you both will be so much the stronger for having endured it. I strongly advise RR to read the book 'Guard Your Heart' - I can't remember who the author is but I will find out and list it on my next Post.
May God help you work this out.
Harold

Ali,

Born and raised in San Antonio (GO SPURS!)
My H told me for months about this woman he was seeing and falling in love with... her name where she lived, how many children she had where she worked, etc. I found out the night befor YS was born that it was in fact a woman he workede with! Someone who looked me in the face time after time and asked me how I was feeling during my pregnancy! The entire time I obsessed over a woman who didn't even exist when the OW was right under my nose. When I asked him why he lied about her identity to such an extent he replied, "to protect her and her job". TO PROTECT HER!!! Is that disgusting or what? I cried so much theat night and the next day, I made myself sick several times. The following evening I spent sixteen hours in labor, and ultimately needed a blood transfusion because my placenta had torn. If he hadn't come out when he did (purple and choking on my blood), we might have lost him. Praise GOD we didn't.

In the weeks that followed, he was the most insesitive, self-absorbed jerk... he actually asked me why I hadn't paid his cell bill... Oh yeah, I should have pre paid it so that you could talk to your girlfriend some more!

Yes... I lived in her shadow for months before I finally decided that none of what we were going through was about HER. It was about his pathetic inability to handle his issues with his wife like a man.

Ali, I don't know if this helps, but here goes. This sick twisted withdrawl period your H is going through is nothing more that just that... withdrawl from an extrememly bad addiction. What he's grieving over is the loss of something that HE STILL THINKS IS REAL. You and I know that it isn't, but it's very real to him. Your H's OW is real piece of work... she whispered a lot of sweet things in his ear, made him think she was sincere, and then totally emasculated him. (Yes, he did deserve it!) I'm no psychologist, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that maybe your H's fog is largely due to the fact that he feels so stupid and emasculated that he CAN't tend to the next step in repairing your M. I mean it's cowardly, yes, but if already feels like LESS THAN A MAN, a coward isn't going to go into a reconciliation in which he has to look the woman he really failed as a man in the eye.

Just a thought, but maybe what you need is a bad [censored] plan A to make him come around.

Hey Y'all! RR came back and posted some thoughts on 'She Was A Real Pro' thread. I thought he might have bailed on MB altogether, but apparently not. Somebody has got to tell that dude to STOP beating up on himself and thinking that 'we can't stand him' - it's what he did that we can't stand! Do you think we can somehow get it through that thick head of his that TODAY is the day to begin his Journey towards healing his Marriage? Lord knows there are some of you who have definitely tried and tried. Certainly nobody here can say that his wife (Ali88) isn't ready and willing to begin this Journey with him.
She's one strong woman to endure the terrible hurt she's just been through and yet is ready to begin working on her Marriage with RandyR.
Please, everyone here, keep this couple high in your prayers, OK?
Harold

RandyR posted again on the 'She Was A Real Pro' Thread again - I think I'm beginning to detect a tiny chink in his armour - he sounds like he might be starting to 'get it' what he needs to do to begin recovery from this fantasy mess! Please, keep up the prayers for this couple!!!
Harold

here we go again!

Randy is moping around about that thing he screwed in texas! I give up! I think I am going to contact an attorney. He doesn't want to try in this marraige after he said he did. He says he is going to be miserable for the rest of his life! I am never going to make him feel the way he felt so I guess it is time to move on! He called me a b*tch because he went drinking and got himself drunk! And that he hated me! He is allowed to mope around about her and his "loss" I still argue with those who say it is a loss! He said when he was screwing her that he knew it was wrong and thought of me but the attention was addicting! Do you all think cocaine is a loss when someone ditches it??????
But anyway,if I show sadness or tell him how hurt and upset I am it is an arguement! Yes, I kicked him! He tells me I hoover over him! He will not look at me! He won't even give me the respect to even look at me that is how much I really mean to him! Why am I not allowed to feel hurt!
I GIVE UP ON THIS LYING [censored]! DON"T BE FOOLED BY HIM! HE IS A REAL PRO! The two deserves each other! Too bad the C*nt isn't around! (I hate that word!)
Ali <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Ali88, I'm so sorry to read what you wrote. I guess given the way he's acting, calling you names, that is NOT a way to keep you loving him. Won't he go to Marriage Counseling with you? Can you move out or make him move out and Plan B him? And yes, keeping an attorney on standy doesn't sound like such a bad idea at this point. Something has to be done to WAKE HIM UP.
My continuing prayers for you both.
Harold

Is it normal to go "in and out" of recovery???

I mean, somedays, I feel "ok" and want to work on the marriage and make it better/repair and then the next day, I feel depressed sad and want to just hang my head and cry.

My wife Ali just called the OW again in McAllen. She talked to the OW's sister and got the typical response "You didn't take care of your man!!".

The response has been similiar when she talked to the OW last week. No apoligies, no nothing. Sooner or later, the police will be called here for harrassment against my wife.

She is in so much pain/anger right now. I think she wants me to completly stop thinking about the OW and the job that I lost down there. It was a multiple loss down in Texas.

For 3 years, I was unhappy in the positions that I had with my career. Perhaps one of the contributing reasons to the affair was the unhappiness of our marriage due to the stress of my career. I am not making excuses but when Ali and I discus what happened and why I had the affair, the point that stands out is the unhappiness at work/career and why the choices I have made in my career have been so damaging.

The job in McAllen made me feel alive again!! I had so much success down there and for the first time in my life, I felt confident and so important. But my wife was not with me!!! AND THIS IS WHERE HER BITTERNESS LIES AS WELL. The OW got me when I was happy and Ali (My wife) only knows me when I am sad and depressed.

I go "in waves" right now. Some hours I am fine, other days/hours, I just think about "what might have been" with the job.

Most of you are going to say "LET GO" or "STOP PUNISHING YOURSELF" but my happiness has been almost non existent for the past 5 years. I take all of the responsibility in the career choices that I have made so I don't want the nasty responses.

Group, is it normal to go into ups and downs when trying to repair the marriage??? How do you repair the marriage from something so devestating than this.

Worse, how do get over an affair that ended so violently that the "other person" is walking around as if nothing ever happened and is so evil that nothing effects her or when Ali calls, the response back fires!!!!

I don't know how to make things better between my wife and I. She is so angry with me right now!! When we talk, she wants to talk about "us" but I don't know where to begin. We end up talking about the OW. Ali keeps telling me she was 30X better looking and that she (OW) looked like white trash. I don't respond because we are not really accomplishing anything.

Group/when I mop, I am thinking about McAllen, Texas. How I loved my job and the people and I was begining to adjust to the area. But Ali starts screaming at me that I am associating the job with the affair at work.

IT IS NOT ALL TRUE!!! I LOVED THE JOB AND HOW WELL I WAS DOING!!!

GROUP.....THE WORST PART RIGHT NOW FOR ME IS THAT I FINALLY FELT GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AND MY SELF WORTH AND MY WIFE WAS NOT AROUND TO SEE ME!!!

Lots of questions tonight......either way, my wife(Ali) is in such an angry state with me that she is probably not going to allow me to sleep tonight.

She yells, screams and is abusive. BUT SOMETIMES I THINK SHE HAS A RIGHT....I cheated on her!!!!

Please help me. Can some of you try telling her NOT TO CALL THIS WOMAN!!!!

THE OW really likes getting a rise from my wife!! She doesn't care that she broke apart or marriage. When Ali called her last week, the OW claimed I bought her things. NOT TRUE!!!!! In fact, one of the reasons as to why the affair ended was because I wasn't paying attention to her in the end.

THERE IS NO LIGHT AT THE END OF OUR TUNNEL FOR HAPPINIESS!!!!

AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE SAD FOR THE LOSS OF THE JOB AND THE FACT THAT I FEEL EMPTY AT TIMES BECAUSE I MISS THE PEOPLE AND THE AREA IN TEXAS????

AT ALL!!!!!????