AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Just when you think you are getting some where, he throughs you through a loop!
I am sick of this! But I am still in love with him! This S*cks!

Hi Ali88! Don't know if RR is still in St. Louie on that job interview, but he's not posted lately on either of thread. I posted this on the other one 'she was an awful person..' thread and hope maybe he will read it on this thread.
***************************
Sarcasm to his wife.
Feeling sorry for himself because his Male Ego has been bruised.
Not listening to his wife.
Spending most of their time talking together venting about what happened to him and crying over spilt milk.
Not giving his wife equal time to vent and pour her feelings out.
RandyR - you got REAL problems! You need to correct this NOW if your Marriage and Recovery has any hope of ever moving forward. You can NOT stay stuck in this rut - you need to 'shake it off' regroup and MOVE ON!!
Harold
*******************************

I got an unexpected e-mail from my sister!
She is so angry at Randy for treating me like a piece of "Sh*t"! We had about forty people over most of them were friends for our oldest son's birthday party Saturday! She and a few people noticed that Randy did not interact with me or even bother to help with anything! He ignored me!
If I ever need the help, it is now! I am in such a state of depression and I am desprate! He called me last night at 2:30 am crying about that "thing"! Didn't he say he was "over it"? And I thought it was more about the job??
Please could someone tell me what to do here? I am so sick to my stomach! He flip flops daily about how he feels about me!
Ali <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hey Ali, I tried to email you an hour ago but it bounced. Drop me an email and we can chat if you want

Hi Ali! I'm sorry that RR is doing that to you - putting you on his rollercoaster. Is he still in St. Louis? Sounds like he still hasn't put his bruised MALE EGO aside yet to put YOU in front of it.
'Crying about the thing' he needs to get his ducks straight!
Harold
We're keeping praying for y'all.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... so where's RandyR? Any news about the St. Louie job interview? Lots of peeps here in suspense...
Harold

Hi Dude!

We are eagerly awaiting for the news! He just flew to the corporate HQ's to do the last interview! He is back but staying with my parents. Chi traffic is unbearable to drive in! We live about 85 miles from that position he took! sometimes it can take him 2 1/2 hours just to get home. I am praying to God that he gets this position. If this is going to make him happy I am right behind him! There are two position, one in St. Louis and the other here. I am hoping it is here because of our son's school. They put together an education plan for him! I am quite pleased with the care level and the effort that are putting into him!
But right now, I am at stand still. I am not sure of Randy's intentions with "us" and I thought that I was strong in the beginning but it has become worse. I am having scary thoughts. I visited my Dr. about medication, her office is right below my son's OT/ SP therapy. So while he was in therapy I decided to pay her a visit. Unfortunately, she was delivering a baby! I am still waiting for her to get back with me!
He again said that he wants to work on us and realizes that there is a long road ahead of us! But, I don't believe him! He comes home today because he had to work, I guarantee he will find something in this house to be angry with. Finding some other way to not to focus on us! So I have to make sure this house is spotless! But I am sure he will yell because, I cannot keep up with the laundry! Gee, I am not super women! I am also depressed and really am putting this house last! I am just having a hard time dealing with things right now! I am just making sure it is clean enough! I am more worried about giving my kids their meals and making sure their needs are met! That is the only thing I can do at this time! This will be interesting. I haven't seen Randy since really Sunday night!
OK, I am just rattling on. I must do the dishes!
Ali
I ordered the book at Barnes and Noble Surving an affair! I really hope this will help me!

Hi Ali! Thank you for responding - I believe there have been many many here not only following your Thread, but praying for you both as well.
Unless I'm quite mistaken, YOU are doing what it takes for Recovery. Mr. RandyR has received so much SUPER advice on these 2 threads it's a wonder he doesn't bust by now - this is something HE needs to work on! Not after lunch, not after he goes to work, not after dinner, but NOW!
I posted in one of the other threads some of the things I feel he's not doing right - LoveBusters and he needs to change these. The book you ordered is a wonderful book - I have a copy also and it's an excellent read with loads of good information and advice in it.
Still praying for you both!!
Harold

i think a lot of people are just fed up with pouring their hearts out with excellant advice and feel like nothing is being accomplished!
I don't blame em! there is so much a person can do!
I am just waiting to figure out my strenght and go from there!
I will post soon! Thanks for caring! It means a lot to me!
Ali

Ali, I just emailed you and got an undeliverable message. For some reason, I am getting undeliverable messages to any AOL address. Did you get it??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong>i think a lot of people are just fed up with pouring their hearts out with excellant advice and feel like nothing is being accomplished!
I don't blame em! there is so much a person can do!
Ali</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly. The Ball is in RANDYR's Court NOW... What will he do with it???????????
Harold

hey nai,
no, i did not get it? bummer! can u call your provider an ask why? I hate aol! i get great kick backs if i stay with them! like gift cards to the gap, etc.! i tried yahoo dsl and three months of trying to install that thing they finally told me that i am on the border so we cannot get a signal.
same goes for cable! which is strange because we get cable tv??? who knows i am not a technical person! my best friends hubby is one and he answers all my questions for me if there is a problem!
notedude you seem pretty handy with computers. do you know why she can't e-me?????
ali

Hi Alli
I am going something I posted in Randys place..
want you to have one here as I am not sure if you go there or what..so you can see what I said to him.

I have been watching and reading and mostly PRAYING that God will convict him and he will get his life on track..take care and know you have friends here you don't know about...you can see if he mentions any of this or seems different..perhaps you can print it and look up the scriptures that are here with it..
Keep the Faith.and Keep on Keeping on!!
EarthAngel.
______it is below these two lines.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
I am going to post something for you and your wife..but first I need to say something to you.

I watched you rant and rave on here sounder like a wounded women instead of a man..

you were just as much to blame as the women was.
you did the same to her. you were in in together.
you had sex with each other. the thing is you were lusting after each other..that was not good. did not bring you anything but heartache.
you both are grownups and knew what you were doing but chose to do it anyway.
Sin has a way of finding you out..and that is what happend..

why not leave the past behind you and cling to your wife. you hurt her, if it wasn't that women it would of been somene else who made herself available.

I am sure both you and your wife..she your wife does not want to believe you did it made the choice to do this women but you did..

Randy you chose to do it with her..but now you lost the job..that is the reality of it..all
you are lucky you did not loose your wife and children.

what is it you REALLY are so angry about..it cannot be this wayward women.
You lost the job because you broke the rules..and you cheated because you chose to break your marriage vows.

in the end of life we all die..some sooner some later..all will stand before the judgement seat of Christ..and you cannot blame her. she made me..because you made the decision and it is called
ADULTRY in the grown up world..

stop blaming others..like in the end God will send some to hell..but for now it is not any of your business what happens to her in the real world..
according to Gods word..when you are single you are suppose to do things and think of things of God..and how to please Him.

when you are married you are to look how to please your wife and she you..to cling to each other..are you doing that..noooo..you are both trying to point fingers at the other women..forget about her..she has sinned and probably will continue to lure unsuspecting men to her place.
she is talked about in the bible as the women whose path to her door leads to hell..in proverbs it tells you to get wisdom..ask God for wisdom so you can grow..and learn right from wrong and ask His forgiveness and truly start all over make an effort to get on with your lives stop the drama and move on together..get rid of your anger..get into a church with a program for troubled marriages..they have them..
ok so here is the thing I have on forgiveness..it will help you to let go of your anger..
________ it will be your choice_
--

Forgiving Yourself and Others

Forgiveness is not an emotion: it is a choice.
The choice doesn't change your feelings any more than your feelings nullify the choice. Making the choice is not the destination. It is only the beginning of the journey toward healing.

Forgiveness does not undo the damage.
It does not sweep the conduct of the consequences under the rug where they will trip you up later. If you want to truly forgive, you must truly deal with your feelings. Acknowledge the anger, the hurt, the guilt, the shame. But because your feelings will change daily, you must choose to anchor yourself in God's Word that never changes.

Forgiveness is a product of God's mercy.
You may not feel you deserve to be forgiven; however, forgiveness is a free gift from God based on the shed blood of Jesus Christ at Calvary. Just as you did nothing to earn the forgiveness that leads to salvation, you can do nothing to earn forgiveness for your sin now. You must choose to accept God's forgiveness and you must choose to forgive yourself. God's Word exhorts you to do so (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Forgiveness is a command.
God never commands us to do something without providing the resources for us to obey Him. It is impossible to obey the command to forgive without relying on God's forgiveness to enable you. Jesus said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). In time He will enable you, through the power of His Holy Spirit, to completely forgive yourself and anyone else who may have played a part in your sin(Philippians 2:13). If you will allow Him, God will work in you to free you from the bondage of guilt, grief and shame.
_______________________________________________

REPENT both of you forget her she is not worth it.
if you want to make your marriage work you need to put each other first after God on your list then your children then you won't have time for messing around with the opposite sex..be happy with the wife of your youth. that is in the bible..listen to God...
Get to work on your family be the leader of your home be the spiritual leader pray and learn what God wants you to do..then do it..you have a wife love her as God loves the church..stop daydreaming about another women because that is lusting after her in your heart it is not right...hope this helps Keep on Keeping on.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong>hey nai,
no, i did not get it? bummer! can u call your provider an ask why? I hate aol! i get great kick backs if i stay with them! like gift cards to the gap, etc.! i tried yahoo dsl and three months of trying to install that thing they finally told me that i am on the border so we cannot get a signal.
same goes for cable! which is strange because we get cable tv??? who knows i am not a technical person! my best friends hubby is one and he answers all my questions for me if there is a problem!
notedude you seem pretty handy with computers. do you know why she can't e-me?????
ali</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my personal opinion - AOL sux. However, if it's all you can get, then it would work. I have had the same problem with sending my sis emails - she's had AOL since they first came out and she hates it too - switching to some deal from Walmart for $9 a month. I think it might be because the AOL Mail Server might be overloaded with traffic, your email box might be full, or it could be (AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH) lost in the black hole of Cyberspace.
I would suggest she re-send you the email.
Hope this helps.
RE: the cable company not having internet service, it is very possible that they don't offer it yet; as they have to upgrade the lines, get a dedicated phone line and install an internal network to offer internet service. On the DSL - that is similar: they have to do something to the phone lines, as it is called a Dedicated Subscriber Line and I wanted it here in Granbury but they don't offer it yet - right now, Cable is the only deal in town for us, unless I want to pay an ARM + LEG for Wireless AND buy the receiving equipment (no thanks).
Harold

So where did you go Randy and Alli?
hope things are ok..

was wondering did you two ever see the movie the
War of the Roses?
check it out it was a good comedy about a couple
going through a divorce..

well am waiting to hear how you did on the job thingie..and if you two haven't killed each other or whats happening there..take care and be good to each other..
Keep on keeping on..

Hi Sadeyes,
Thanks for that link! I checked someof it out and I would like to go through the work book with Randy! To be honest, some of the ?'s will be hard to discuss! I feel like I am a moving slow! I am not sure if it because of RR's topsieness that is making me unstable! If you look back my feelings change just about every hour!
He was really sweet to me last night! I told him that I really need him when 7:oo pm hits! That is when I would really go crazy when he was in Texas!
I came into the room around 1015 and I told him I really needed to talk, he was so sincere about it! That is what I need! But Why do I still have this need to torture myself with questions? I asked one too many questions and I couldn't handle the last and I blew up! He was good to me and understood. But it comes and goes!
I have been really busy and Randy stays at my parents house normally five days a week. He forget his garmet bag so he had to drive all the way home yesterday. I am glad because I needed to be around him! So he has been not really able to logg on a computer and needs not to post at my parents house! Her cookies never go away!

Guys, I cannot get the images out of my mind! I feel I am sooo far from recovery and this is not what I want! I want to succeed in our M. But when he is hold ing me, I can only think of how he held that Selfish B*tch in his arms!

We are still anxiously awaiting word from HQ's. I am praying every minute that he does get this job!He has too much time on his hand and is not using his ability. That could jeopardize his future!

Thank you for all your prayers. It is well appreciated!
I just want to say to The Lady, that I am very real. I am very offened by that statement! This is not the norm for Randy. Maybe that is why I am sticking it out because this is not him! I keep praying that he will return in his old self but a lot stronger and wise!
ALi

by the way, yes i did see that movie! no we are nothing like that! I just want the whole house <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
just kidding! the atmosphere is just depressing in here!
we decided that we need to get involved in or own hobbies so we can feel like our own persons again!
I cannot wait!
We are going on a date Saturday. I am really looking forward to that! I just hope our conversation is good and not have to do with that "Ugly Beastly Thing" I want the conversation to be how we can work on us! what steps etc.
Ali

Whoops,
Sadeyes, Your post was great. I get so caught up in the moment I forget to reply!
sorry
Ali

Ali

My heart truly goes out to you. I so wish that there was something that could be done to shake Randy up. He is so into the drama of him being the betrayed and wounded party that he refuses to see anything else.
He glories in the attention and reads these posts only to seek new ways to keep himself in the spotlight. He sticks to his mantra and uses it to manipulate the members who are trying to help him. He posts as if he is beginning to move foreward and begin working on your marriage, then as soon as someone sees a small glimmer of hope he goes back to his same old mantra.
Even as old and stupid as I am I can see that he is simply using the forum and your emotions to
feed his hunger for attention. And as long as people give him that attention he is going to continue to play the same old game.
I pray that not only you, but all the poeple he knows will drop all efforts to reach him. Leave him to crawl around in the dark by himself and not run to his aid regardless of how much he screams out for help. It is not help he wants or needs. He needs to relearn to stand up by himself. When you fall off your bicycle you have to get back on it by yourself, others can't ride it for you. Some people cannot force themself to get back aboard until all other options are removed.

I saw Randy many times in my carreer in nursing. A broken bone makes them a permenant invalid unless they are forced to do for themself. Put his food and water across the room and leave it there. It might take a few days but he will get hungry enought to walk to where it is. If you respond for his crying and moaning you set his recovery back completely. Don't even go into the room. It is all in the audience. Who do you perform for if there is none?

OK, So how does Ali work this out? Deny the spoiled child the attention they are seeking when they misbehave. Hang up the phone. Don't discuss McAllen or anything to do with it. Hold on to your questions until you are in recovery and the relationship is strong enough. Delete all phone numbers in Texas. NO CONTACT must include all sources of gosip. If you are gaining any information it is CONTACT. You are as responsible for maintaining No Contact as Randy is.

Bar Randy from your life until he is ready to work on your marriage to the exclusion of Texas, Jobs, OP, or anything else that is a lovebuster. If he can't come around, then you are moving on with your life and not being strung along dancing to his sad tunes.

You must show him that you can have a life without him, not that you have quit loving him. Ask yourself what would you be doing today if he had decided to stay with the other woman, or if heaven forbid he should die.

You would have to continue living! At least you would have closure and hope for the future. Today you hate him for what he is puting you through and wonder how he could love you and do this to you. The hionest truth is that he loves only Randy at the moment. He does care for you and the children and he wishes it was love, but he can't put you first. He is first and the OW is second in his life, and you force him to defend those positions every time you challenge them.

If one plan does not work, do you beat it to death, or do you switch tactics? What has worked with Randy? Not a damn thing gets to him unless it is giving him the attention that is so detrimental to his recovery. Are you willing to bite the bullet and force randy to choose between you and the OW? If you can't you are defeating the purpose of all the advice he gets here.

You are in charge of your future and you must make the choices.

fudd.

BUMP